b The Longhorn Mafia <$BlogRSDURL$>

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Texas Football: The UCF Game 

Week Three: No. 6 Texas (2-0) vs. Central Florida (1-0)
Last Season: Did not play
Last Meeting: Never Met
All-Time Series: Never Met

M-I-C... K-E-Y... M-O-U-S-E...

Aside from some fans' characterization of Texas Tech's backyard offense, America's favorite rodent rarely crosses over into football conversations.

It did happen once, when Rice's M.O.B. played the Mickey Mouse March in lieu of the Aggie War Hymn during their "Farewell to the SWC" halftime show against Texas in 1995. And then of course there was last Saturday, when Texas' second-half demolition of TCU caused an elated Mack Brown to scream, "we're goin' to Disneyworld!"

Okay, not really.

Brown's rejuvenated Texas Longhorns did [coachspeak] take care of business [/coachspeak], though, and now they'll venture away from Royal-Memorial Stadium this weekend for a road clash with the University of Central Florida in beautiful Orlando, Fla., no more than a Colt McCoy-to-Nate Jones post pattern away from the Magic Kingdom.

That doesn't mean that the Longhorns view this weekend as a vacation (see: "They Said It," below), especially in light of recent history. Rubbing shoulders with Mickey and the gang has probably become passe for a Texas program that took in Disneyland before taking out Michigan and USC in back-to-back trips out west. And this weekend's contest won't quite match the paegantry of the Rose Bowl.

At least it won't for Texas fans (see: "Rational/Deluded Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board," below).

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Texas has played one complete half of football in its first two games. But in outscoring TCU 34-3 in the second half the Horns finally showed the level of football that expected of them this season. Still, it would not surprise me to see the Horns mired in a close game on Saturday, at least for a while, due to two factors: (1) Talented RB Kevin Smith, who impressed with 218 yards against NC State, and (2) the adrenaline factor from a team opening a brand new on-campus stadium.

Texas rolls into Bright House Networks Stadium as the very first opponent to face UCF there. If they can contain Smith and force QB Kevin Israel to win the game, then Texas will likely leave Bright House Networks Stadium as the very first opponent to beat UCF there. Even the amped-up crowd will have a hard time fazing a Longhorn team that simply has too many weapons.

According to NCAA 2008...

A late defensive stand preserves a 21-14 Texas win. The Longhorn D sacks Israel four times, but a tipped pass on 3rd and long finds its way into the hands of a Knight WR, continuing a drive that reaches the Longhorn 19 before ending on downs. Would Texas fans find satisfaction in a seven point win?

Matt chimes in with a Vegas theme and a lot of inside jokes in the Week Three TWTWB...

What we learned last week: We learned that even if Notre Dame is a 20 point underdog, take the other team, you would have won the last 4 games…Virginia Tech’s defense might be good enough to stop the pathetic offenses in the ACC (At week’s end the ACC had 4 offenses at or worst than 109th in the country), but they have nothing on LSU, of course not many teams do…Hail to the (sometimes) Victors, just about 353 days until the 2008 season starts, Michigan!....It’s a little harder to run the ball against Wake Forest than it is Nevada, Nebraska. You’ll have to score more than that to be in the same stadium as your opponent this weekend…Randy Shannon, you really, really have your work cut out for you. The Hurricanes are barely even a tropical depression at this point…You have 12 quarters of football before Dallas, Longhorns. Let’s make them count a hell of a lot better than the first 6.


This week we get our annual chat with Roxy Roxborough, bookmaker at the LM Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Hey Roxy, how are you? You know were coming out there to visit you this weekend, right?

What? Really? (Whispers under his breath to somebody in the room: Get those girls out of here, tell them to take their letterman jackets with them). That’s great, HornMafia! We’ll be ready for ya!

So what are your thoughts on the young season?

Well, I can’t really tell you because the whole just getting out of rehab thing, but from what my DVR was able to hold, it looks like it’s a two horse race between LSU and South Florida.

South Florida?

Yeah man, did you see their game last week against Auburn? You don’t go into the SEC and win at night, homey!

But Roxy, it was one game and Auburn is pretty average this year.

Are you doubting me, HornMafia? You watch out for Matt Grothe. He’s a Heisman lock for this year.

Just like the Baylor quarterback a couple of years ago and Michigan State defensive lineman Otis Wiley last year?

I was a drunk bastard last year. Now I’m clean.

Yeah, no wonder our sports book has been in the red for the past 6 years.

Is that a shot at me you little bastard? It wasn’t the gambling losses that killed us. It was Isabella Soprano at the Bunny Ranch taking all of our winnings.

Sigh. Okay, what are the Longhorns’ chances this year?

Ah man, between the bicep flexing, Jordan Shipley dying in the off-season, Sergio Kindle and Henry Melton playing Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie and Colt McCoy looking like he’s been with Isabella Soprano more than I have, they’re done.

Done? Don’t you think you’re being a little hard on them, especially McCoy? And Shipley isn’t dead, he just tweaked a hamstring.


I’m sorry, Roxy.

Nah, seriously? Do you want this job? Do you think its easy setting lines on a bunch of roided up freaks? Do you think it is easy keeping the feds off the trail? Do you think it is easy burying hookers out in the desert?


Gas prices, man! It takes forever to drive out there, and the hot weather just sucks it up.

Stop. I don’t want to hear it. Did you go to the VMAs last week?

Yup. Sure did. Had backstage passes. Tried to slip a little GHB in Britney’s drink but that bitch is so hopped up on everything else all it did was make her tired and lethargic. Then I was playing dominoes with Kanye West and I won and he started bitching at me and throwing shit around. Took my picture with The Hills girls. Grabbed Audrina’s ass, she didn’t appreciate that very much. Told Rhianna that her song was highly annoying, her bodyguard didn’t appreciate that very much. So they kicked me out of backstage and I made my way to the front. Told Kid Rock that Tommy Lee said he had a small weiner. Then I ended up playing blackjack with Justin Timberlake all night and woke up the next morning in the Playboy Suite at The Palms next to that chick from The Pussycat Dolls with nothing on but a Larry Bird jersey and a half-smoked pack of Menthols by my side.

Wow. Just wow. Okay Roxy, let’s wrap this up, any “unique” odds on the board this week at the LM Casino?

Oh yeah, of course.

- Odds that Drew and Pope end up at The Bunny Ranch this weekend: 100 to 1
- Odds that Bucharest could tell them the fastest route: 2 to 1
- Odds that Lloyd Carr wins Coach of the Year: 1,000,000 to 1
- Odds that Sam Bradford can find South Carolina on the map: 50 to 1
- Odds that Lou Holtz goes to the hospital on the air this year: 3 to 1
- Odds that Iowa State wins a game this year: 50 to 1
- Odds that Gene Chizik uses more than 2 formations: 75 to 1
- Odds that the week before the OU game more than 50% of Longhorn fans will convince themselves that Arkansas State could go to the BCS: 2 to 1
- Odds that SMU gives up the most passing yards in collegiate history: 2 to 1

- O/U on how many wins Lavorskie Lane gets to flash the Horns Down after: 5
- O/U on how many A&M fans are secretly going to wish they didn’t beat Texas last year by the end of the 2007 season: a bunch
- O/U on how many beers the LM can put away at Canary Hut: 52
- O/U on how many wax paper cup beers the LM can put away at the State Fair: 72
- O/U on how many tailgates EUnit makes this year: No Line
- O/U on number of mayors doing shots at the LMFZ tailgate: 1
- O/U on how many spy movies are in Bill Belichick’s Top 5: 5
- O/U on how many players suffer year ending injuries on HornMafia’s two fantasy football teams: 3
- O/U on how many trips to rehab Lindsey Lohan makes in 2008: 3
- O/U on how many trips Sam Bradford makes to Big Red Imports in 2007: twice a month
They Said It...
“I do think it’s the best crowd since we’ve been at the University of Texas.”

- Mack Brown, on the 84,000+ at DKR-Memorial Stadium last week.
Um, Mack... You've hosted Top 10 teams in Texas A&M (1998), Nebraska (1999) Ohio State (2005) and Texas Tech (2005). I attended each of those games, and if it seemed like the crowd on saturday equaled any of those, it's because the previous week's crowd made it seem raucous, by comparison. With that said, Texas fans did help create a boisterous effort to rally the team in the second half. Mack may just feel bad about that "suicide watch" quip from a week ago.

"We were hunting and pecking until we could find something that worked."

- Texas Offensive Coordinator Greg Davis
I would say something here, but UT blogger Henry James already said it: "And there it is. Davis gives us a name for his offense. Steve Spurrier has the Fun ‘n Gun. Greg Davis has the Hunt ‘n Peck."

"It's a business trip."

- Frank Okam, describing the Horns' weekend excursion to Orlando, Fla.


In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"... and Friends

"Sir Rod" Walker says:

The play is comin' in from the sidelines... we have cameras everywhere thanks to the New England Patriots video staff... let's hear what Sir Rod has to say... HUDDLE UP!!!

Although I've never played in the state of Florida... I HAVE been there on many college football excursions. One Word, Two Syllables, 'ROW-DY'! I don't care who you are! You can be Florida's lil' league football team, 'the Mini-Marlins' vs. Florida State... the Florida State fans will try to MOB those little kids. They just don't give a dolphins nose, or whatever it is. Anywho... all i'm sayin' is... new stadium... sold out game... only a speck of orange in the stands... AWWW THE HELL WIT IT... WE GONE KICK THEIR ISSSSISS!!!! (Thank coach "Wackovik" for that 'dirty word'). ...readyyyy BREAK!

Stoney Clark says:

I hope all you Horn fans had a great week after the victory over the Horned Frogs. I capitalized the H and F out of respect for the fight they put up on Saturday and to show some respect for the 'ol Southwest Conference.

When I signed a free-agent contract to play for Tampa Bay in 1996, my roommate was a defensive end from UCF and we were both fighting for spots on the team. To get away from the stress and worry of training camp, we took a drive to his old college campus and spent the day there with some of his old teammamtes. I recall Orlando being a beautiful place, and thinking we had things a lot better on the 40acres than those guys had it there.

I expect Texas to arrive back at Austin Bergstrom Intl. 3-0 after a tough game against UCF. Texas being 2-0 is great, but it also means UCF has two game tapes to break down and find the weaknesses in UT's secondary and along the interior lines. For some reason it seems like we're rebuilding, and 3-0 is a hell of a record for a rebuilding year.

Tailgate Talk

I'm not sure where Texas fans intend to congregate this weekend, but I'll join them in spirit from the Caesar's Palace sportsbook in lovely Las Vegas, Nev. A quick of review of the TCU tailgate shows that: (a) frog legs really don't taste like chicken (b) Texas in September is still unbearably hot, and (c) Austin has a pretty damn cool (jello-shot imbibing) mayor.

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

  • Michigan and Notre Dame battle to see which team can avoid a 3-0 start. Does that exemplify parity or parody in college football? Or am I just reaching to make a bad pun?

  • Let me get this straight... Texas wins by eight against Arkansas State and drops three spots in the polls. Texas A&M blows a double-digit lead against Fresno State, ekes out a 2-point win in TRIPLE OT, and JUMPS to No. 18?

  • Florida State visits Boulder to take on the Buffs. Five years ago this would have been a pretty solid game. Now it's a half-step better than Michigan-Notre Dame

  • Tennessee-Florida on Saturday... Meh. Give me Tennessee-Indy on Sunday

  • I'm sure that no one expects Nebraska to cover 10.5 points against USC, much less win outright. But as someone that has made the trip to Lincoln twice in the last five years, and seen Nebraska take superior Texas teams to the wire both times, I say this: Get ready for a fight. The Huskers' have seen one opponent come to town since 1991 and leave with a double-digit win (Kansas State, 38-9, in 2001).

  • OU Still Sucks...

  • Fifteen Years Ago this Week

    (note: 2007 marks the 15-year anniversary of the Temple Wildcats' 1992 5A Div. II Texas State Championship, which came during my sophomore year of high school. I'll re-cap that season throughout the fall.)

    Temple 56, San Angelo Central 28. You know, there's not a lot in San Angelo.

    Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

    It's hard to have a personal anecdote about an opponent you've never played. Hell, I've never even been to Florida. My friend Candace did spend a semster working at Disney World, thought, where she "sold plush toys, and told kids to have a magical f---ing day."

    Semi-Relevant Song Lyric from a Rapper that's just plain Goofy (sorry)

    "Bow in the presence of greatness, you should be honored by my lateness; That I
    would even show up to this fake shit, so go ahead, go nuts, go ape shit"

    - Kanye West, "Stronger"
    We're Texas.

    Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

    UCF fans debate: Which is bigger: Texas game or '05 C-USA champ game?

    SadUCF Knight answers, "I think Texas, hands down..." His fellow Knight fans seem to agree. Well, Mack, there you go... your team has the bullseye. Now respond.

    By the way... on the first page of their board I saw five tailgating-related threads. I almost wish I were headed to Orlando instead of Vegas. Almost.

    The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

    Greg Davis runs a Mickey Mouse offense at some point.


    Random highlight that has absolutely nothing to do with Texas-UCF, but was more a more enticing recollection of Texas against a Florida team than highlights from the 1991 Cotton Bowl

    Prediction: The Knights have to wait at least another week to walk out of Bright House Networks Stadioum victorious.



    This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?