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Thursday, November 09, 2006

Texas Football: The Kansas State Game 

Week Eleven: No. 3 Texas (9-1) vs. Kansas State (6-4)
Last Week: Texas 36, Oklahoma State 10; Kansas State 31, Iowa State 10
Last Meeting: 2003 -- Texas 24, Kansas State 20
All-Time Series: Texas leads 5-3

"[The University of Texas] 'represents in most people’s minds incredible wealth and arrogance.'"

- Kansas State president Jon Wefald, prior to Texas-Kansas State game, 1999

"You'll never take away our wealth and arrogance!"

- Random Texas fan in Sec. 110 during the waning moments of Kansas State's 35-17 win against Texas, 1999
Those were the days, huh? It almost strains belief that just seven years ago the Kansas State Wildcats had just completed a two-game sweep of the Texas Longhorns, and had outscored their wealthy, arrogant not-really-rivals 84-24 in that span. In fact even with Texas' back-to-back wins over the Cats in 2002 and 2003, KSU has amassed a 53-point differential in the two teams' Big XII clashes.

Let' see if Colt McCoy can erase that deficit Saturday night.

By the way, we're still wealthy and arrogant. Kansas State, on the other hand, has reverted to their history of mediocrity and obscurity. Sadly enough that puts them right in the mix for the Big XII North title. Okay, not really. But they could sneak their way into the Poulan Weed Eater Bowl with a season-ending victory against rival Kansas. Purple Power!

Matt's TWTWB argues (effectively I must add) why even though Louisville beats Rutgers tonight they don't belong anywhere near Glendale, Ariz., on Jan. 8.

The American people spoke on Tuesday night, as it was a resounding “YES!” when we all found out the news. The news being, of course, that Britney Spears had finally gotten rid of that spare Kevin Federline. Did anyone really like that guy? His debut album was in the thousands on the Amazon.com best seller’s list, his shows were getting cancelled left and right due to non-interest and basically most people thought of him as a free loading, white trash idiot.

And Britney suffered because of it. He drug her down into the depths, until we had videos popping up on YouTube of her burping, wearing trucker hats in public, smacking gum in interviews, going sans shoes in public restrooms, turning as white as Lindsay Lohan caked in flour and getting a gut protruding over her jean cut-off shorts.

It was astounding.

Years before, you would ask any red-blooded male in America who didn’t wear eye liner or have a limp wrist about Britney Spears and his eyes would get as big as Kirstie Alley’s ass (I saw the Oprah appearance…..uh, not that great, buddy) and he would start drooling.

Lately she was met with the worst reaction a pop starlet who isn’t even 25 yet could possibly receive:


But that all changed on Tuesday.

Guys started getting hopeful again. Hot pictures leaked of her on the Internet, with actual shoes on her bare feet and her trucker hat replaced by an actual female hairstyle (although a bad one). The gum was gone and she seemed to have gotten her belching under control.

We have our Britney back. Maybe.

Why do I give this diatribe on a pop princess who is more famous for the tabloids than her music these days? Because Louisville/Boise State, you are Kevin Federline.

Get away from our Britney.

Now now, I know you’ll get mad at me and if any of you put down your basketball magazine for 10 seconds you might even be tempted to fire off a nasty e-mail, but I don’t care. Somebody has to tell you before you embarrass yourself.

First off, big time college football is played on Saturday afternoons. Texas/OU is played on the State Fair grounds, with a crisp October day as the setting and corny dogs the food of choice. It’s played in a stadium abound with tradition and the night before and the night of is full of debauchery by both teams’ fans in the streets of Dallas.

It’s not played on Thursday nights in “Papa John Stadium”. That’s embarrassing. What were you thinking? If the game is not played in 3 hours or under do fans get their money back? Do we get some of that kickass garlic sauce in the Cardinals win?

Other networks on Saturday afternoons run M*A*S*H re-runs because they know it’s useless to go against big-time college football. The Big East on Thursday night? Hell, let’s run Grey’s Anatomy and CSI, two of the biggest shows on television!

And don’t say it’s for television. Actual networks fight over our games. We’re not on the Worldwide Leader in Sports in between figure skating and the World Series of Poker.

Second, we play actual teams. Yeah, we’ll sprinkle in a Rice and North Texas on you, but that’s only because we have to go to Lincoln, Nebraska in October and Lubbock, Texas the week after that. I know it doesn’t compare to the road trip to Middle Tennessee State (by the way, we would NEVER lower ourselves to go there) and then Syracuse, featuring their 112th rated offense and 109th ranked defense. And man, we know how tough UConn is at home…in basketball. But you have Notre Dame, right? Oh wait, that’s basketball, too.

You see, REAL conferences have the same teams in every sport. It helps our alcohol-filled brains.

And Boise State?

Okay, you know what? Boise State seems like they know their place. They don’t bitch about lack of respect like some other mid-majors have done *cough* *cough* TCU. They know they have a tricked-up home field and a tricked-up offense that wouldn’t work against defenses in a real conference with real athletes. They know that their leading rusher is a white guy and that just doesn’t happen in real NCAA football.

So you’re excused, Boise. We just don’t want to see you in Phoenix. No offense.

So I propose this. Let’s do it like high school football and divide college football into districts. You could have the ACC, Big 10, Big 12, SEC, Pac-10 in your big-boy district that actually plays for the national championship. Then the next one will have the Big East, WAC, Conference USA, etc.

They can have their own national championship. Play it on Thursday night in a portion of the country that nobody in their right mind ever visits. We could have a rotation between El Paso, Vicksburg, Jacksonville and Syracuse.

Get some second rate sponsors and put it on a major network like Versus or ESPNU. Yeah, ESPNU will work. Get some bad uniforms and some big screens set up to show basketball and we’ll be set.

Just get out of here, Federline. And leave Britney alone
This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Two years ago Texas sleepwalked into Lawrence, Kansas. They tip-toed out of town with a controversial win against the Jayhawks (the controversy centered around whether Mark Mangino's near-coronary stemmed from a late offensive PI call against his team, or the all-you-can-eat Golden Corral buffet).

Expect no such loss of focus on Saturday under the bright lights in the not-so-big city of Manhattan.

K-State has played well at home, and they have three running backs that average at least 4.5 YPC. But check out QB Josh Freeman's stat line: 3 TDs, 9 INTs. The two noises you hear are: (1) Aaron Ross licking his chops (2) Thorpe Award voters penciling Ross' name at the top of their ballots.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

Ross intercepts not one, but two passes. The second he returns for a TD.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

The quote from a Texas fan that I used earlier was probably my favorite memory from a KSU game, though I have a lot of bad memories from that game: watching us kick it to David Allen instead of the fans in Sec 1 (and watching him promptly return it for six), watching Major Applewhite lob a duck directly to Jeff Ochs (and watching him promptly return it for six), enduring our dumbass surrounding fans complain that we were standing up and blocking their view.

Semi-Relevant Quote from the Big Lebowski

"By the way, do you think that you could give me that $20,000 in cash? My concern is, and I have to, uh, check with my accountant, that this might bump me into a higher, uh, tax bracket."

The Dude was neither wealthy nor arrogant.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Ha! I'm not the only one who remembers "the quote."

Best reply: "We were f'ing spoiled."

Let's see... they had a run of success that lasted from 1995 to 2003, in which they won one conference title and pissed away another. They went to a few decent bowl games, yet failed to notch a real high-profile national victory.

And we're arrogant?

Oh to be poor and humble, like our Kansas brethren. The Outlaw Josey Wales had a great quote about Kansans, if you recall: "Yeah, well, I always heard there were three kinds of suns in Kansas -- sunshine, sunflowers, and sons-of-bitches." That beats the hell out of the tired "steers and queers" line you hear yankees spew all of the time.

Random Texas Tech-Kansas State highlight that has little to do with this game, but was sweet nonetheless

Bobby Slay was the Chuck Cecil of the Big XII, but damn that mofo could lay the wood. A big F You to YouTube, by the way, for not having a single decent Texas-KSU highlight.

Prediction: Texas 38, Kansas State 14



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