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Thursday, October 12, 2006

Texas Football: The Baylor Game 

Week Three: No. 6 Texas (5-1) v. Baylor (3-3)
Last Week: Texas 28, Oklahoma 10; Baylor 34, Colorado 31 (OT)
Last Meeting: 2005 -- Texas W 62-0
All-Time Series: Texas leads 69-22-4

Burning Question: How did Baylor ever win 22 games against the University of Texas? Burning Question #2: Will they ever win again? They certainly won't this year. I'll give Baylor credit for winning back-to-back Big XII games... for the first time ever, but I sure hope their fans aren't actually expecting an "I-35 Surprise." The odds are more likely that the Baylor Board of Regents would sponsor a campus-wide dance marathon afer church Sunday afternoon.

Texas comes in off of a win aganst OU. Damn, that feels good to say. Bear fans... I'm going to steal a phrase from the run-through sign that preceded Temple High School's thrilling 37-21 win over Converse Judson in 1992: "You're Just Another Stepping Stone."

Bayor may be improved but the only real suspense this week comes in the form of TWTWB's secret ballots (i.e., Matt's personal opinion)

Well if it’s mid-season, it can only mean one thing. Well two things. First, it’s October and second, it’s time for the second annual HornMafia’s Mid-Point of the Season Awards.

MVP – Troy Smith, Ohio State

Did you expect anyone else? The only way Smith doesn’t get this at this point is if A.) Ohio State chokes down the stretch; B.) Bo Jackson regains eligibility; C.) it comes out he exchanged lurid emails with 16 year olds; or D.) somebody else wins it.

Freshman of the Year – Colt McCoy, Texas

Yeah, yeah, redshirt, who gives a shit what color his shirt is. Any freshman who can win the Texas/OU game wins a place in the heart of Texas fans forever, although he’ll never be as cool as James Brown.

Coach of the Year – Greg Schiano, Rutgers

Rutgers has gone from Team We’ll Schedule to Get An Easy Win Over a BCS Conference School to 5-0 and in the Top 25. But seriously, who even knew Rutgers was the state university until a couple of years ago? What’s wrong with The University of New Jersey? New Jersey University? UNJ? NJU? Almost looks like Ninjitsu. They could throw throwing stars everywhere. And has Rutgers ever finished in the Top 25 in any sport? You never hear Dick Vitale talking about Rutgers, and never hear about Rutgers’ steely resolve in Omaha. Hockey? Do they have hockey?

Worst Coach of the Year – Larry Coker, Miami & Bobby Bowden, FSU

Seriously. Has the state of Florida had a recruiting drought the pass few years? Was Coker busy playing Cancer Patient #3 in Hollywood and Bowden too busy picking out snazzy eyeglasses to wear on the sidelines and coming up with inane country stories to tell to ESPN Gameday? I was on the Coker bandwagon, but beating Houston at home by one point and not facing Andre Ware or David Klinger is horrible. And Bobby, change up the playbook, buddy, I think Chuck Amato knows what you’re doing.

Surprise of the Year – (Tie) Michigan & Missouri

Look! Michigan has speed! They don’t look like they should be wearing leather helmets anymore! And speed wins football games! Or perhaps maybe they just beat an overrated Notre Dame team and then have beaten a bunch of nobodies. Nah, that couldn’t be it.

Missouri’s record is sure a surprise, but what’s even more of a surprise is how a Division-I coach can change his offense on the advice of a high school coach (Southlake Carroll’s Todd Dodge allegedly told Gary Pinkel he should switch to the spread offense SLC has used so effectively) and win 6 ballgames? What’s next? Jeff Sluman calling Makaveli for golf tips? Roxy Roxborough calling Seth for gambling tidbits? Lindsay Lohan calling Robbi for drinking advice?

Disappointment of the Year – Notre Dame

I dunno, maybe people looked at the fact that they had a quarterback that everyone was giving the Hesiman Trophy to in April and a coach that has Super Bowl rings and thought Notre Dame was a shoo-in for the national championship race, but it just hasn’t been there for Notre Dame this year. Perhaps Charlie Weis should spend less time in the off-season intimidating local reporters and more time finding a running game and getting someone on defense that doesn’t remind everyone of a matador.

The Quincy Carter Award – Drew Tate

Last year’s winner, Chris Leak, is having a resurgence this year, but seeing as how Drew Tate is a senior, that isn’t likely for him unless it comes for the Grand Rapids AFL team next year. Iowa had big expectations coming into this season (again) but Tate hasn’t come through, already nearly equaling his interception total (5) that he had all last year (7). Have fun in one of those New Year’s Day But Nobody Can Really Tell You What Exact City They Are In games, Drew.

The Our Armed Forces Needed a Morale Boost Award

The Aggies did their part for the country, letting Army stay in the game for all 60 minutes. Army was so fired up they went out and beat Baylor the next week. Unfortunately for Aggie fans, Fran really was all he can be.

The Witness Protection Program Award – Adrian Peterson (second half against Texas), Oklahoma

When his team needed him the most, Oklahoma tailback Adrian Peterson pulled an ARod, rushing for 38 yards in the second half and dropping a pass that was eventually ruled a lateral and a defensive touchdown for the Horns. Have fun in Oakland, Adrian. They play for championships, there, too.

The Sergio Leone Award – Ryan Perrilloux, LSU

Sergio Leone was an Italian director who was offered the chance to direct an epic movie about a New York family coming of age in the post-war era. Leone turned down the part and years later The Godfather won multiple Academy Awards and launched the careers of not only several actors, but of director Francis Ford Coppolla as well.

Ryan Perrilloux of course spurned the Longhorns at the last second and switched his commitment to LSU, where he was last seen playing the part of Chris Leak on the practice team. Texas, meanwhile, is just fine with Colt McCoy. Hopefully McCoy can take down the heads of the five families as well.

The Drunken Tailgater Award – UTWiz, Ohio State

Let’s just hope you didn’t hear any dueling banjos in the creek, Jeremy.

The Worst Job Decision Award – Stadium Cleaner, North Carolina State University

When word “leaked” of NC State students urinating in the stands to avoid new seating policies at Carter-Finley Stadium, cleanup workers threw up a bit in their mouth when they realized what the stench they smelled every week was.

Play of the Year – Oregon’s Onside Kickoff “Recovery”

Oregon won the game, while the Texas fans also won as they got to see Bob Stoops’ I Really Want To Throw the Visor to the Ground Look for an entire week.

Biggest Game of the Second Half – Ohio State v. Michigan

It might not last past this weekend, but if the teams were to be unbeaten and untied when they meet on November 18th in Columbus, it would be the first time in 33 years that it happened. Michigan in true Buckeye/Wolverine fashion will promptly lose by 30.
This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Baylor is better than last year, while Texas isn't quite as good. So hel, maybe the Horns only win by 40 instead of 62. *yawn*

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

Aaron Ross breaks the school record for career punts returned for a TD.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

I have some realy bad memories from Texas-Baylor games. I saw us lose one year when Brett Stafford killed a rally instead of the clock by throwing a fourth-down pass out of bounds. Of course I was present for the "Bullshit on the Brazos" that took place during Grant Teaff's 1992 swan song. And in 1998, in my first-ever attempt to sneak a flask into DKR-Memorial Stadium, I successfully evaded stadium security only to realize that somewhere between the gates and my seat I lost all of my cash, and thus was unable to buy the necessary mixer for my (cheap) bourbon.

Semi-Relevant Quote from the Big Lebowski

"F--- it, dude, let's go bowling."

Amazingly enough the Baylor Bears could find their way into a bowl game this season. Of course they fall to 3-4 on Saturday, but winnable games remain at home against Kansas and on the road against Oklahoma State. That means they must only defeat Texas Tech (in Lubbock), or Texas A&M or Oklahoma (both at home) to become bowl eligible. I hope they do. And I hope they send Frachione on his merry way out of College Station with another big win over the Aggies. Sic'em!

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

"Cristobo," at BaylorFans.Com, thinks there's "no way" Texas covers the 29-point spread. His fellow Bear fans don't seem quite as optimistic.

You know, I respect the long-standing Baylor backers. Hell, I grew up watching Texas lose to Baylor as often as they beat them, and I remember when 7-4 and a trip to the Bluebonnet Bowl was worth celebrating. So I can understand how exciting it is for them to face the achievable goal of going to a bowl game this year, and I'm happy for their team if they do.

But read a few more of those threads and you'll see why I think their fans are self-righteous jackasses (though maybe I'm not being fair, as I cringe at the though that outsiders might lump me in with some of the jackases at HornFans.com).

Random Texas-Baylor highlight that has little to do with this game, but was sweet nonetheless

Kirk Gibson, take a seat!

Bonus Random Texas-Baylor highlight that has little to do with this game, but was sweet nonetheless


Prediction: Texas 41, Baylor 6



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