b The Longhorn Mafia <$BlogRSDURL$>

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Texas Football: The Glorified Scrimmage 

Week Three: No. 7 Texas (3-1) v. Sam Houston State(1-1)
Last Week: Texas 37, Iowa State 14; SMU 45, Sam Houston 14
Last Meeting: Never Played
All-Time Series: Never Played

I'm not actually writing up a preview for this game. I'm embarrassed that Texas is playing a 1-AA team. Couldn't we have at least scheduled Montana State or SMU (who coincidentally drilled Sam Houston last week)? Nope.

Entertaining words from TWTWB that won't pump you up for this crappy game, but should entertain you more than the game does, especially if you can't attend the tailgate (and if you know any of our inside jokes).

What we learned last week: Michael Koenen, the Atlanta Falcons kicker who made 2 of 8 field goals in his first two games, must have been an Alabama graduate…Notre Dame coach Charlie Weis is taking the Bill Parcells protégé business a little too much to heart, you don’t have to be like Tom Coughlin and the Giants and fall behind by 30 in every first half…New Penn State quarterback Anthony Morelli might be compared to Peyton Manning if you use the Peyton Manning that throws interceptions for touchdowns in the wrong, wrong part of the game…Who would have thought that the Ell Roberson years would have been the good ol’ days at Kansas State?...Oklahoma can win games when they’re not giving up 500 yards of offense…7 sacks and 2.6 ypg given up and all Texas fans can talk about the days following are Greg Davis and the quarterback. It’s nice to know some things don’t change…


All we’ve heard all week (besides for the TO controversy of the week, of course) is about the Madden Curse. This curse, as it goes, causes doom to whoever is on the cover that year. Marshall Faulk, Michael Vick and Donovan McNabb all have fallen victim to the Madden Curse, it goes (is the Madden Curse also racist? News at 11).

Seattle Seahawks running back Shaun Alexander is the latest cover boy for the Madden series, coming off an MVP season for the Super Bowl runner-up Seahawks. Alexander, off to a slow start this season, was diagnosed with a broken bone in his foot and listed as out indefinitely. ‘The Madden Curse reared its head again!’ was the cry on ESPN…until it came out that Alexander might even play this week for the 3-0 Seahawks.

If only we could all be so “cursed.”

But let’s take a look at some of the lesser known curses, taken straight from www.notreallywikipedia.org...

The Farmer’s Quarterly Curse- Farmer’s Quarterly has featured Texas A&M on the cover of their magazine’s annual football issues every year since 1999. Texas A&M is 45-38 during that time. Of course, it could be the rise of Texas & Oklahoma, but if you know the Aggies, nothing is ever their fault. Expect a TexAgs thread within a week proclaiming karma that Alexander was hurt when Seattle “stole” the 12th Man from the Aggies.

The HornMafia Curse- I’ve talked about the HornMafia fantasy football curse many times, dating back to when Aaron Brooks went from All-Pro to trash once I picked him up and when All-World running back Marshall Faulk hurt his knee and sent my first round pick down for the year. Well it’s spreading like herpes through Paris Hilton’s dating circle, because now teammates of my guys are getting injured. I drafted Jake Delhomme in two leagues this year figuring that having the quarterback for a team many were picking to go to the Super Bowl could never be a bad thing. Well that was until Steve Smith tore his hamstring in training camp, and then hurt his other one for good measure and the Panthers started out 0-2 and Delhomme’s numbers were pure crap. I’m sorry Steve Smith owners. Cookie?

The Steve Javie Curse- The Mavericks fall prey to this curse, which states that they can’t win a NBA Finals game in which Javie is an official. Yes, I’m still bitter.

The Great Lake State Curse- This curse states that Notre Dame must give up 30+ points to a team from Michigan. Could also describe the distance from their secondary to the opponent’s receivers.

The Chris Henry Curse- This curse says that anytime Chris Henry of the Cincinnati Bengals throws up out the window of a car, the driver is going to jail. Poor Odell Thurman, he must not have known. Interesting note: Reggie McNeal was on the cover of Farmers Quarterly in September of 2002. It was McNeal’s car that Chris Henry threw up out of the window. Odell REALLY didn’t see it coming.

The Spike Lee Coach of the Year Curse- On Monday Night Football this week, Spike Lee said that Isiah Thomas would be Coach of the Year. Previous picks of Spike’s included Jim Cleamons, Magic Johnson, Quinn Buckner, Christopher Reeve, the CBA and Crystal Pepsi.

The Cast of Lost DUI Curse- 3 members of the cast in two years get DUIs in Hawaii. Either A.) the mass transit system over there really sucks; B.) they are stealing my idea of the Indianapolis Drunk Driving 500, C.) those damn fruity drinks are REALLY powerful or D.) they are big Cincinnati Bengals fans.

The Miller Man Law Curse- The curse reads that once you appear on these commercials your career is doomed, but I think judging by the talent assembled, they were screwed before they got here.

The Ryder Cup Curse- Apparently this one is true, because once you get named to the US Ryder Cup team, you immediately piss down your leg, can’t tell the difference between a 7 iron and a flat iron, and immediately act like the US soccer team and bow down to anything European.

The University of Phoenix Stadium Curse- Try to get cute with the name, you are screwed. Or at least you should be.

The Joe Paterno Has the Shits Curse- Penn State is 0-1 in Paterno’s 103 year career.

The ESPN Suckass Announcers Curse- See Paul McGuire replacing Ron Franklin. Horrible. Just horrible.

The Running Backs Playing Against Texas in 2006 Not Winning the Heisman Curse- Sorry Adrian. And you’re welcome, Troy.
This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Texas wins. Big.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

1/4 of the stadium is empty, and 3/4 of the 3/4 present will lose interest before the first stop in play.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

I once watched my alma mater, Temple High School, win a playoff game at Sam Houston's home stadium. I don't remember the score, but I know it was more exciting than what I'm going to see on Saturday.

Semi-Relevant Quote from the Big Lebowski

"You're entering a world of pain."

Seems about right to me.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

The only board I could find was registration only, and I've spend as much time with this as I care to spend.

Random Texas-Iowa State highlight that has little to do with this game, but was sweet nonetheless

Obviously no videos exist between these two teams, so I tried finding substitutes involving executions or the electric chair, as Sam Houston State is located in the "Execution Capital of America," Huntsville, Texas. No dice. Instead enjoy this look at the firefighters of Huntsville. I'm not going to bag on firefighters (even from small towns), but the production value here is pretty badass.

Prediction: Texas 62, Sam Houston State 0

Prediction if the starters play only one quarter: Texas 59, Sam Houston State 0



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