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Friday, December 03, 2004

Christmas: The Airing of Grievances Vol. 1 

Okay, this isn't technically Christmas-related. But since Festivus coincides with the holidays, I figured I'd use the header anyway.

Festivus, as many of you know, begins with the airing of grievances. And like Frank Costanza, I've got a lot of problems with you people!

My friends: Not all of you... just the 90% that never read my blog (and especially the 20% of those that think it's funny to ridicule it).

The guy that ran over our tent pole in the tailgating lot: Thanks, jackass. Now every tailgate set-up and dismantling is that much more of a hassle. But hey, you offered us a beer, so that makes up for it, right?

My roommate: yes, I think your Indian cooking is repugnant.

People that voted for Kerry: I laugh at all of you.

The Rest of the World: Kiss my conservative ass. I don't care how you do it in your country, or if you think America is a bully.

Jim Edmonds: If you're going to single-handedly beat keep the Astros out of the World Series, it'd be nice if you helped your team win at least a game while you're in it.

Bill O'Reilly: You run an entertaining show, and I agree with a lot of your views. But stop being so smug and acting like you're the conscience of America.

Dell: If I wanted to get strung along for six months, I'd target a girl, not a potential employer.

Austin American-Statesman: Your registration system sucks.

Austin Parks and Recreation softball umpires: Some of you should be ashamed of the blantant reverse discrimination that you practice.

1300 The Zone: Memo to Chad Hastings: your character shtick is not funny. The Scottish Guy is painful to listen to, and Strip Club DJ is just bad. And for the love of God, stop doing the Austin Powers-ish "Oh Yeah" every time you come back from commerical break.

Longhorn Hellraisers: Embarrassing.

Metrosexuals: Why must every bar downtown cater to this crowd of shiny-shirt cheeseballs?

More to come (possibly)...


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