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Wednesday, October 06, 2004

Astros: Ten Things I Hate About the Braves 

10. Leo Mazzone's Rocking- He's even more jittery than me, but I'm not doing it on national TV.

9. Larry Jones- I will not refer to an adult as "Chipper."

8. The Tomahawk Chop- The Braves -- who pilfered it from Florida State -- are directly responsible for every high school band in the country playing that stupid song.

7. Superstation TBS- I hate when I flip it over to TBS to watch Seinfeld re-runs, but instead I see Atlanta playing Montreal. The Braves have been pre-empting better television since I was a kid.

6. Ted Turner- Damn liberal.

5. Bobby Cox- This curmudgeonly looking geezer no doubt spends his offseasons playing checkers with Jimy Williams and Don Zimmer, reminiscing about the "good old days" before night games and running water.

4. Bandwagon fans- No one was a Braves fan in 1990. Then they go from worst-to-first in 1991 and everyone across country jumps on board. Ask a Braves fan in Texas (or another place nowhere near Georgia) why they like Atlanta and you'll hear some babbling story about growing up watching Rafael Ramirez, Dale Murphy and Bob Horner on the damn Superstation.

3. Maddux and Glivine's strike zones- Superstars get the calls in every sport. But Michael Jordan didn't get to shoot on a rim six inches wider than every other player. When you combine Maddux's pinpoint accuracy with consistent calls outside the plate, of course he'll have an ERA in the low 2.00's.

2. 1997, 1999, 2001- Michael thought Fredo broke his heart?

1. I just hate them- And I don't need a reason.


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