Tuesday, June 29, 2004
INsite: The Pregame Tailgate (July 2004)
The Pregame Tailgate
by Andrew Fox
I’m looking at my calendar right now and it has me puzzled. We just entered July this week, right?
The Texas Rangers own first place in the American League West, so surely we can’t be any further into 2004 than mid-April. At the same time, the Houston Astros’ recent swoon tells me that late September must have already arrived.
I think the Detroit Pistons just won the NBA title, too. Does that mean we actually hit a time warp back to the late 1980s? It’s all confusing.
Sorry TPT fans, 2004’s craziness has left me too scatterbrained to pen a coherent column this month. You’re going to have to settle for some random thoughts.
-I think I know why Augie Garrido’s baseball squad lost in the CWS finale. Mack Brown obviously had their food poisoned. It makes perfect sense: The Tobacco Road Con Man couldn’t stand the thought of another Garrido title, which would obviously accentuate Brown’s shortcomings on the gridiron, and he ensured that it didn’t happen. Now when OU spanks Texas in October, Brown can lament, “Texas baseball was the best team in the country, and they lost, too.”
-Does anyone in Austin actually give the Horns a chance to win in Dallas this season? When I buy NCAA 2005 this month, I’m fully expecting the Dynasty mode to automatically proclaim OU the winner in that game. If Electronic Arts wanted to make a realistic game, they’d create a feature that would blast “Boomer Sooner” as soon as you try to play OU with Texas. Instead of the game, you’d pull up a screen with the entire OU team giving the Horns down hand sign, while flashing “WHAT CAN BROWN DO FOR YOU” in bold letters.
-One of the actual NCAA 2005 features allows gamers to create signs for their fans. I really hope that it doesn’t have a profanity filter.
-Madden 2005 is also due out soon. It will include a new detailed storyline feature. Gamers will have to deal with realistic scenarios involving players. I suppose that means that Keyshawn Johnson will complain about his playing time, Kyle Turley will randomly start on-field fights, and Ricky Williams will fail a drug test or four.
-Speaking of Ricky, the shaved head just doesn’t look right on him.
-My friends and I have decided to make special T-shirts when we travel to Boulder for the Colorado game. We’ve narrowed the designs to either “No Means No” or “I’m a CU Football Recruit.” I’m thinking that either one will put us in equal danger.
-The Major League All-Star game visits Houston this month. I remember when Astros fans thought that it would serve as a prelude to the World Series. I also remember when Howard Dean was the Democratic front-runner. Which notion seems sillier now?
-I’m not really sure when Sportscenter jumped the shark, but I’m positive that Stuart Scott deserves all of the blame.
-I hear that the United States soccer team has made its way into the FIFA top ten. Something tells me this is karma for all of the Euros that have found their way to the NBA. America dominating that worthless continent would go a long way toward turning me into a soccer fan.
-This past month, America lost a very special part of its history. I’m talking about the Longhorn FanZone, which shut down after a four-year run as one of the Internet’s most popular Texas fan sites. Its owner, Bob Wheeler, mysteriously disappeared last fall, and the site had gone severely downhill since, but I still felt a tinge of sadness to see it die.
-Does anyone else think that Peter Gammons deserves a royalty every time the U.S. Government prints a $20 bill?
-Chris Simms could be the opening day starter in Tampa Bay this season. I would think that John Gruden consulted the schedule before even contemplating that decision. Fortunately for Simms and the Bucs, if he does end up starting, Tampa does not make any road trips to Dallas this year.
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by Andrew Fox
I’m looking at my calendar right now and it has me puzzled. We just entered July this week, right?
The Texas Rangers own first place in the American League West, so surely we can’t be any further into 2004 than mid-April. At the same time, the Houston Astros’ recent swoon tells me that late September must have already arrived.
I think the Detroit Pistons just won the NBA title, too. Does that mean we actually hit a time warp back to the late 1980s? It’s all confusing.
Sorry TPT fans, 2004’s craziness has left me too scatterbrained to pen a coherent column this month. You’re going to have to settle for some random thoughts.
-I think I know why Augie Garrido’s baseball squad lost in the CWS finale. Mack Brown obviously had their food poisoned. It makes perfect sense: The Tobacco Road Con Man couldn’t stand the thought of another Garrido title, which would obviously accentuate Brown’s shortcomings on the gridiron, and he ensured that it didn’t happen. Now when OU spanks Texas in October, Brown can lament, “Texas baseball was the best team in the country, and they lost, too.”
-Does anyone in Austin actually give the Horns a chance to win in Dallas this season? When I buy NCAA 2005 this month, I’m fully expecting the Dynasty mode to automatically proclaim OU the winner in that game. If Electronic Arts wanted to make a realistic game, they’d create a feature that would blast “Boomer Sooner” as soon as you try to play OU with Texas. Instead of the game, you’d pull up a screen with the entire OU team giving the Horns down hand sign, while flashing “WHAT CAN BROWN DO FOR YOU” in bold letters.
-One of the actual NCAA 2005 features allows gamers to create signs for their fans. I really hope that it doesn’t have a profanity filter.
-Madden 2005 is also due out soon. It will include a new detailed storyline feature. Gamers will have to deal with realistic scenarios involving players. I suppose that means that Keyshawn Johnson will complain about his playing time, Kyle Turley will randomly start on-field fights, and Ricky Williams will fail a drug test or four.
-Speaking of Ricky, the shaved head just doesn’t look right on him.
-My friends and I have decided to make special T-shirts when we travel to Boulder for the Colorado game. We’ve narrowed the designs to either “No Means No” or “I’m a CU Football Recruit.” I’m thinking that either one will put us in equal danger.
-The Major League All-Star game visits Houston this month. I remember when Astros fans thought that it would serve as a prelude to the World Series. I also remember when Howard Dean was the Democratic front-runner. Which notion seems sillier now?
-I’m not really sure when Sportscenter jumped the shark, but I’m positive that Stuart Scott deserves all of the blame.
-I hear that the United States soccer team has made its way into the FIFA top ten. Something tells me this is karma for all of the Euros that have found their way to the NBA. America dominating that worthless continent would go a long way toward turning me into a soccer fan.
-This past month, America lost a very special part of its history. I’m talking about the Longhorn FanZone, which shut down after a four-year run as one of the Internet’s most popular Texas fan sites. Its owner, Bob Wheeler, mysteriously disappeared last fall, and the site had gone severely downhill since, but I still felt a tinge of sadness to see it die.
-Does anyone else think that Peter Gammons deserves a royalty every time the U.S. Government prints a $20 bill?
-Chris Simms could be the opening day starter in Tampa Bay this season. I would think that John Gruden consulted the schedule before even contemplating that decision. Fortunately for Simms and the Bucs, if he does end up starting, Tampa does not make any road trips to Dallas this year.
Longhorn Sites
Astros Sites