The Longhorn Mafia

Texas Football: The Ass Whipping-to-Be

2008-11-25T14:23:00.008-06:00

Week Twelve: No. 2 Texas (10-1) vs. Texas A&M (4-7)
Last Game: Texas 35, Kansas 7; Baylor 41, Texas A&M 21
Last Meeting: Texas A&M 38, (#14) Texas 30
All-Time Series: Texas leads 73-36-5

I'd like to start by observing a moment of silence.

.

.

.

The Texas A&M football program appreciates your respect in their hour of mourning. Sadly, the Aggies are no longer relevant on the national football landscape, thanks to Art Briles and his Baylor Bears.

I must admit that it gives me joy to deride this once-mighty* institution. Though I know good people that still proudly embody the spirit of Aggieland - the kind that don't make excuses for Kellen hard's cheap-shot two years ago, and who don't giggle like schoolgirls when they call Texas' QB "Cart McCry" - the pitiful showing their team exhibited at Floyd Casey Stadium very well may have signified permanent relegation to the Big 12 South's cellar. Permanent or not, that's where the Aggies will end the 2008 season. And any team that needs two garbage-time touchdowns to upgrade from an annihilation to a mere blowout against Baylor certainly deserves it.

More than ten years ago Aggie fans saw Texas' return to prominence coincide with their own team's slow descent to mediocrity. The Southwest Conference's small pond dried up and A&M could no longer match up consistently with Texas or Oklahoma, so a bitter rivalry with Texas Tech formed in that void. In the last few years the Red Raiders have clearly emerged as the second-best Big 12 team from the Lone Star State, leaving the yearly "battle of the Brazos" as A&M's only evenly matched foe. And as Briles looks to build his program in Waco with youthful vigor and a network of high school coaching ties that could help him land the recuits his predecessors could not, the Aggies are moving backward with a recycled has-been at the helm.

It's bleak right now in College Station, where consecutive wins over Texas mark the only positives in two years of decline. And come Thursday night, when Mack Brown's team atones for those embarrassing outings, all will be right with the world.

Whoop on that, you bastards.

*"Once-mighty" = "Brief blip of historical significance registered due to rampant cheating"

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Matt is thankful...

You probably don't care if you're not in our group, but this is my favorite TWTWB of the year.

They Said It...

"When it comes to the current conundrum regarding Texas and Oklahoma -- two teams from the same conference with the same record involved in a three-way tie with another team, Texas Tech, against which they split -- there is no right answer. Period."

CNNSI.Com's Stewart Mandel

Agreed. But I still want to take this opportunity to remind people that Texas beat the Sooners by 10 points on a neutral field, while both Oklahoma and Texas Tech won home night games. Texas also has the most impressive win against non-common opponents (56-31 against then-No. 11 Missouri).

"Texas, you may recall, defeated Oklahoma at the Cotton Bowl in Dallas. It was in all the papers, but unfortunately, the BCS computers can't read."
LA Times sportswriter Chris Dufresne

You don't say. Really?

"Discussion doesn’t help us. ‘What if’ doesn’t help us. Winning and playing well helps us. Everybody who votes will be watching that game. Period. Why talk about it? Why discuss it? All we can do is play well and win and if we don’t, it’s not worth discussing."

Mack Brown

Not bad. It's not quite, "put it in two inch headlines," but it sounds like a respectable preface to a lopsided contest.

"It was a very legal hit. Cart McCoy's a pretty good player, but I'm hoping my brother's going to get some more hits on him."

Dallas Cowboys TE Martellus Bennet, a former Aggie, referring to his brother Michael's hit on Texas QB Colt McCoy two years ago, which knocked McCoy from the game.

Damn, Tellus. I was just starting to like you. Hopefully after Jason Witten takes all of your receptions this Thursday, you'll wallow in self-pity while "Cart" McCoy throws for 300 yards on your alma mater's pathetic excuse for a defense.

"We're going to beat Texas 27-24. We're going to upset Texas. Actually it won't even be an upset. We expect to beat Texas — the yellow bellies — every year."

Martellus Bennet

Delusion, holla!

"If you can’t get excited at home before nearly 100,000 people when there are Big 12 championship and national championship implications on the line against your rival, then you ought to quit and do something else."

Mack Brown

A) We're. Not. Ri-Vals. clap clap, clap-clap-clap.
B) Tryptophan + copious amounts of pregame alcohol = potential drowsiness.
C) Considering the level of effort displayed the past two years, I would hope this sentiment has been directed toward the team as well as the fans this week.

With that said, Mack is absolutely right. Get hype, Horns fans!

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"

Will return...

Bob Stoops has never won out following a loss

1999 - followed a loss at ND with losses to Texas, Colorado, Tech and Ole Miss (bowl)
2000 - no losses
2001 - followed loss in Lincoln with 16-13 loss to OSU
2002 - followed 30-26 loss to A&M with 38-28 loss to OSU (a game never really that close
2003 - followed CCG loss with LSU Sugar Bowl loss
2004 - no losses till bowl
2005 - followed up opening loss to TCU with losses to UCLA, Texas and Tech
2006 - followed up loss in Eugene with loss to Texas and Boise shocker
2007 - followed loss to CU with losses to Tech and WVU
2008 - ??????

Just pointing that out

Texas doesn't have to play for the BCS Championship for me to enjoy this season. But if Oklahoma overcomes a loss to the Horns and wins the whole thing then I will be very, very disappointed.

The Things I Think About

Everyone seems to be talking about the scenarios this weekend that will send Texas to Kansas City next week for the Big 12 Championship Game (or to Miami for the BCS title game without playing in Kansas City). I'm not thinking about that.

I'm thinking about a cold, gray afternoon near the top of "The Zone" at Kyle Field, with wind gusts chilling me to the bone. I'm thinking about a sloppy performance against an inferior team. And I'm thinking about a miserable two hour drive home after a loss that never should have happened.

The BCS is out of our hands, no matter how much Texas fans politick. Dismantling the Aggies is well within Texas' control. So for right now, I'm thinking that nothing short of annihilation will soothe the bad memories from last year (or the year before).

For the Record

My one BCS-related thought: to reiterate what I have said for the past seven years, a conference championship should not be used as a prerequisite to playing for the BCS title until all conferences play by the same rules. So, if a team not named Texas goes to Kansas City and loses to Mizzou, Texas absolutely deserves to play for the national title.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

Four years ago my friends and I prepared for the T+1 game by attending the Aggies' midnight Yell Practice. Our favorite heckle that night was: "Lost. To. Bay-Lor. clap clap, clap-clap-clap. It's going to be fun reprising that on Wednesday night.

Semi-Relevant quote from the movie Tombstone

Make no mistake, it's not revenge he's after. It's a reckonin'.

Yes, I have been sitting on this one all year. It's the sole reason I chose Tombstone in the first place. Brian Orakpo is coming for you, Jerod Johnson. And HELL'S COMING WITH HIM!

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

I cannot, in good conscience, even visit TexAgs.Com this week. I trust that it's ALL deluded.

Ricky Williams Runs to the Hall of Fame!

It was ten years ago this week, and I was 20 yards from him when he scored.

Amazing.

Prediction: MUD. HOLE.

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Kansas Game

2008-11-17T21:10:00.001-06:00

Well... I thought I could get through the whole season...

Texas Football: The Baylor Game

2008-11-06T15:40:00.000-06:00

Week Ten: No. 4 Texas (8-1) vs. Baylor (8-0)
Last Week: Texas Tech 38, Texas 33; Missouri 31, Baylor 28
Last Meeting: (#19) Texas 31, Baylor 10
All-Time Series: Texas leads 71-22-4

Last week was tough.

It was a stomach-punch loss that makes it very hard to preview a game this week against Baylor. So forgive me if this seems at all half-assed (because it is).

I understand that I hereby forfeit my right to criticize the team if they put forth a half-ass effort this week.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Robert Griffin is a very good QB. But unless Texas forgets to show up then I have a hard time thinking Baylor can win this game.

The Week That Will Be projects the Bowl schedule...

And I still laugh at lolcats.

They Said It...

There's light at the end of the tunnel. The biggest thing we talked to our players about is that there's no doubt we're disappointed, but it's time to move on and refocus. We've got to go back to work

Texas WR coach Bobby Kennedy

I'm not sure anything else needs to be said.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"

Will return when Chip Brown posts something new, and when Rod finishes celebrating the Obama win from Tuesday night...

He was quoting the Bible, Revelations. "Behold the pale horse". The man who "sat on him was Death... and Hell followed with him".

I figured a little hellfire and brimstone was appropriate for our good Baptist friends.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Surprisingly, I can't find any posts on the front page of BaylorFans.Com right now that say much at all about this game.

That's probably good.

I Still Think This is Funny

This clip is why BaylorFans.Com is devoid of anti-Texas threads; they're all getting ready to reprise the scene next week against A&M.

Prediction: Back on the Winning Track...

Hook'Em!

Politics: The Day After

2008-11-05T20:46:00.002-06:00

The last few years I've gone from political junkie to borderline apathetic (note the dearth of political posts on here the past few years). Between the Bush Administration's slide into Lame Duckishness and the never-ending campaigning that whittled a dozen bad candidates for president into two, I just couldn't bring myself to care.

Now the election is over, and even though the guy I didn't vote for won, I feel that the next few years won't just be a void of bickering and stagnation, and maybe this nation will begin to heal and move forward.

I'm willing to give Obama a chance and see if he shows himself to be more substance than style. At the same time I'm optimistic that qualified and capable leaders will emerge within my party.

Yesterday I was disappointed in America. Today I feel re-energized.

Texas Football: The Texas Tech Game

2008-10-27T20:15:00.013-05:00

Week Nine: No. 1 Texas (8-0) vs. No. 8 Texas Tech (8-0)
Last Week: Texas 28, Oklahoma State 24; Texas Tech 63, Kansas 21
Last Meeting: (#14) Texas 59, Texas Tech 43
All-Time Series: Texas leads 43-14

Whew! I made it.

Last year I wrote half of my Texas Tech preview, got distracted, and never finished it. I neglected to write further previews for the remainder of the season.

It's now week nine, the Horns sit atop every single poll, and I'm still going.

I mean we're still going.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Graham Harrell is going to pass for 400-plus yards. Texas Tech is going to score 30-plus points. But has Tech's defense really improved enough to ensure that Texas doesn't go well beyond in either category?

The Week That Will Be takes a closer look at the "rivalry" between Texas and Tech

The Red Raiders are a very talented team that is very dangerous, but let’s get real here. They are still Texas Tech, a wannabe program that has never faced the pressure that will face them on Saturday night.

Who do you trust more in a big game? Mack Brown, whose team is now 16-2 against ranked opponents going back to mid-October 2004, or Mike Leach, the drunken malcontent who is fascinated with pirates and picks his kickers from the Chick-fil-A Kick Around the Country contest?

Who would you want as your quarterback? Colt McCoy, who is making video game quarterbacks look ordinary, or Graham Harrell, who had to rally to beat Virginia in the Gator Bowl and threw 9 interceptions in his four losses last year and acts like a petulant punk?

What about your defensive coordinator? Will Muschamp, who has been a coordinator in the NFL and national championship games, as well as the toughest venues in the SEC? Or Ruffin McNeil, where Texas Tech is the big-time for him, and it is seen as a massive improvement that Tech is ranked 58th in the country in total defense?

Let’s face it. If history has taught us anything, in order for Texas Tech to win, Texas has to be an average team that makes mistakes while Texas Tech needs to be perfect. Which one do you see happening on Saturday?

Good stuff, as always. Read the rest here. Even if you don't read the rest, you don't want to miss the Halloween-themed version of the Random Hot Dallas Chick.

They Said It...

"We kind of let them off the hook. We were just a few plays short. We turned the ball over and didn't execute on third down. We were right there. We definitely want this one back."

Oklahoma State QB Zac Robinson

Oklahoma State earned a lot of respect on Saturday, every bit of it well deserved. I remarked after the game that I thought they should move up after the loss. But a statement like this is simply asinine. For every "almost" on the Oklahoma State side, Texas had an "almost" of their own. You can't have it back, Zac. Go take care of business against Texas Tech and Oklahoma, and rest assured that even if you're not in the mix for a conference title, you're a BCS contender.

"We all have an understanding this is something special. This isn't normal. We have a big opportunity ahead of us, and we're ready to make the most of it."

Texas Tech OT Rylan Reed

Not normal? You're telling me.

"If Stafford played in one of those junk offenses, he'd be putting up numbers just like McCoy. I think he's more the pro body type, he's more Matt Ryan. I think he's just a brilliant football player, I really do. He's gonna be an NFL franchise quarterback."

CBS analyst Gary Danielson, comparing Georgia QB Matt Stafford to Colt McCoy

Since when does Texas play in a junk offense? McCoy throws the ball 30 times per game; Stafford throws it 28 times per game. Texas has a higher per-game rushing average. Stafford may have the "pro body type" but his career as a college QB has been underwhelming to date. He's Chris Simms without the big-game meltdowns. And unless he stays for his senior season, Stafford will leave Georgia having not won a conference or national title. McCoy, at least for now, has both of those goals within his sights. This is college football, not the NFL, and Colt has outperformed Matt Stafford to date.

This thing is getting out of control as well. If you want to look like Oklahoma State and copy a fad that has run its course, go ahead, do the blackout thing with you and your sheeple friends.

Lubbock radio personality Ron Hyatt, on the proposed "Blackout" this weekend.

Agreed. More on the "Blackout" later in the column. I do, though, recommend reading Hyatt's post. It's funny seeing someone encourage Tech fans to "act like they've been there before," because: (1) they haven't, and (2) there's no program I've ever seen that less exemplifies that attitude than Texas Tech.

We have their attention this week. They were not happy about not finishing against Oklahoma State

Mack Brown

I must have said 20 times after last week's game that "there's no such thing as a bad win against a top ten team." But I don't set the standards for the guys in the locker room, and apparently the win was far from a good thing in their eyes. Remember when Brown used to say things like "playing OU is like playing your brother"? That Mack Brown no longer exists, and this program is the better for it.

Safe to say that Tech would have to at least get in the 40s, which will be awfully tough to do with Brian Orakpo, Sergio Kindle and Co. harassing Graham Harrell. But what the heck? I'll go out on a limb and predict a 48-45 Tech win.

Dallas Morning News sportswriter Tim McMahon, on how many points Tech needs to win this weekend.

Tech is a trendy pick this weekend. Oklahoma State was a trendy pick the week before that, and Mizzou the week before that. They're not bad picks, because each of these teams is damn good. But there's a prevailing thought out there that Texas' ride has to end sooner or later because they can't keep beating good teams like this. It's reminiscent of what people said about OU in 2000 or Ohio State in 2002. And it's asinine. The past three weeks are not going to come into play this weekend. texas Tech is going to have to be the better team, not just the team that caught Texas in a letdown. Anyone that believes differently simply hasn't followed this program closely enough since the Holiday Bowl.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"

Get ready for a healthy dose of "Texas fatigue."

The fatigue I'm talking about has nothing to do with Longhorn players, who by the reports I've gotten, have responded with energy and fire in practice this week.

The fatigue I'm talking about is starting to come from the national media. Don't be surprised to hear more and more voices doubting Texas.

Why? Not because they see something wrong in Colt McCoy's ability to finish games, or UT's pass defense at 111th nationally. But because Texas fit the mold of everyone's No. 1, and the national media are either bored or disinterested in telling the Longhorn story.

When there's no superstar like Vince Young or Reggie Bush, electrifying audiences or filling up SportsCenter, the national media often starts looking for the Wow Factor.

This Texas team doesn't have a Wow Factor unless you are into great chemistry, incredible leadership, a blue-collar work ethic, a laser-armed quarterback and a fiery, overachieving defensive coordinator.

The hell with the black and white print &.....X's and O's. Let's just play the damn game so we can light up OUR ORANGE TOWER!!!!!!!!

(Note: "Sir" Rod Walker played RB for the Horns from 1991-1994. He currently chairs a committee seeking to enshrine John Mackovic in the Longhorn Ring of Honor.)

Stonie's Stone Wall

Will return...

(Note: Stonie Clark played DT for the Horns from 1992-1995. He once left a permanent dent in Sooner RB James Allen's torso with a flying body tackle.)

Betcha Didn't Know

Barking Carnival blogger Huckleberry has been tracking college football's "Heavyweight Champion" since the preseason. His system, in a nutshell, goes back to the sport's first game between Rutgers and Princeton - in which the Scarlett Knights "won" the championship - and tracks the title holder over the 139 ensuing years. This past weekend Texas claimed the "belt" for the fifth time.

The Things I Think About

I'm going to show my nerdy side here, but if you've read this column more than twice you already know it exists. Texas Tech, this season, is the Charlie Conway of Big 12 football.

Who is Charlie Conway? Well he started out as an awkward Minnesota youth that played pee wee hockey to pass the time. The Gordon Bombay "taught him to fly" and Conway scored the unlikely game-winning goal as his Ducks defeated the evil Hawks for the Minnesota state title. Later, he allowed a pick-up player to claim his roster spot when the Ducks (implausibly) represented the USA at the Junior Goodwill Games, presumably because Conway's leadership meant more than his middling talent level.

Then as the Ducks moved into high school - and jumped the proverbial shark - Conway, the awkward, marginal role player, suddenly becomes the star of the team. Out of nowhere. It just didn't make sense.

Tech has always been that marginal, middling program. Sure, they may score a big goal against an evil Texas or OU, but they're not the conference's star. Yet here we are nine weeks into the season and the Red Raiders are hosting College Gameday and a national prime time game between top ten teams. Texas needs to put them back in their place this weekend.

If you have no idea what all of this means then please go rent The Mighty Ducks.

For the Record

Mike Leach and Mack Brown faced each other for the first time in this series in 2000, a game Texas won, 29-17. Since then the lowest winning score has been 35 points (2006). The teams have both scored 40-plus points twice, and 30-plus points four times.

Also, Mike Leach has won just once.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

Without getting into how much I dislike Halloween, I'd like to note that this game routinely fell on Halloween weekend during the SWC years. Since the Big 12 formed it's happened just once, a Texas win two years ago. I began the evening at my buddy Justin's apartment and ended it at a random party where we were a decade older than the average attendee, most of whom were on God knows what, and a good ten minutes after we arrived, so did Austin's finest. In between we visited a gathering that included Flava Flav, Alice and Wonderland, Aileen Wuornos, and the Duke Lacrosse Team. That one was fun until they ran out of beer. It almost seems fitting that this year's game is actually played the day after Halloween, so Tech can take off its Top Ten mask and rejoin reality.

Semi-Relevant quote from the movie Tombstone

Sheriff John Behan: We're growing. Be as big as San Francisco in a few years, and just as sophisticated.
Doc Holliday (as a local shoots someone in the street): Very cosmopolitan.

I imagine the mayor of Lubbock and the Texas Tech school president meeting the Gameday crew as they arrive this week and making a similar claim, just as a Tech fratboy runs by, bonging a beer, and giving Lee Corso the finger.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

If the signs on Saturday morning are as bad as the ideas tossed around on this thread, ESPN may not re-visit Lubbock even if the Raiders pull off the upset.

The E-S-P-N and A-B-C anagram signs stopped being original before College Gameday took its first roadie. Even more un-original: the dreaded (insert color)-out... especially when it includes art that resembles a between-rounds mugshot from Mike Tyson's Punch-Out.

Let's Hope for an Encore Saturday Night...

Prediction: The points rain down like black and red tortillas, and the "Blackout" = Epic Fail.

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Oklahoma State Game

2008-10-23T09:57:00.001-05:00

Week Eight: No. 1 Texas (7-0) vs. No. 6 Oklahoma State (7-0)
Last Week: Texas 56, Missouri 31; Oklahoma State 34, Baylor 6
Last Meeting: (#14) Texas 38, Oklahoma State 35
All-Time Series: Texas leads 20-2

I know few people, who don't regard Saving Private Ryan as one of America's great cinematic achievements of the last few decades. It's a heroic tale of bravery, determination and sacrifice, and it features perhaps the best half-hour sequence ever put to film - the Allied invasion at Normandy.

As the Horns head into the real second half of their season, I think about that film and how it relates to Texas' progress toward a potential national title (yes, at this point it's okay to start talking about it).

Mack Brown's squad stormed the beach the past two weeks. They took the machine gun and mortar fire from Oklahoma and kept advancing. They stared down the enemy in Missouri and overwhelmed them. At this point the beach is secure and the Horns are standing tall.

But it's not over.

Captain John Miller's platoon didn't get to call it a day as dusk fell on June 6, 1944. Instead they found a new mission awaiting them - one that would require even more grit than the seemingly impossible one they had just accomplished. And for the film's remaining two hours the soldiers faced one peril after the other before they ultimately fulfilled their objective.

Texas now faces the same task. D-Day is behind them, but perhaps an even more grueling challenge lies ahead. Games against three ranked teams in the next four weeks will test this team's character and desire, as will the rivalry match-up that follows. If the regular season plays out as we all hope it will, the two postseason games afterward will further up the proverbial ante.

It's time to fulfill your objective, men, and it starts this weekend with Oklahoma State.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Burnt Orange Nation's PB includes a great analysis of Texas' statistical rankings in his weekly mailbag.

With Texas in the top spot, the mainstream news cycle inevitably will morph from "Look at Texas!" to "Let's try to identify Texas' warts!" Which is fine. Just don't blink when the pundits do a lazy job with the actual analysis. Here are the relevant facts:
1. Texas ranks 112th in FBS football with 275 pass yards allowed per game.
2. Texas ranks 74th in FBS football with 6.9 yards per pass attempt allowed.
3. Texas ranks 73rd in FBS football with a QB Rating allowed of 125.7.
4. Texas ranks 2nd in FBS football with 40.1 pass attempts faced per game.
5. Texas ranks 2nd in FBS football with 1.9 yards per rushing attempt allowed.
6. Texas ranks 3rd in FBS football with 25.3 rush attempts faced per game.
7. Texas ranks 38th in FBS football with 4.9 total yards per play allowed.
8. Texas ranks 22nd in FBS football with 58% of red zone chances resulting in TDs allowed.
9. Between when OU took a 35-30 lead and when Chris Ogbonnaya put Texas up 28-0 against Misssouri, Sam Bradford and Chase Daniel combined to complete just 9 of 23 pass attempts (sacks/rushes included) for 71 yards, 0 TDs, and 1 INT.

Conclusions?

1. Teams can't run on Texas. Teams are playing from behind against Texas. They are passing often. The cumulative passing stats are going to be high.
2. The rate statistics are notably better than the cumulative stats.
3. There is some strategery at work here, as well: Texas is playing bend-don't-break defense, avoiding big passing plays as much as possible and making teams earn TDs in the red zone.
4. This group is improving. Game to game, quarter to quarter. I keep saying it, but it's worth repeating: We're a tougher out each week.

It doesn't take an overly rational person to get that Missouri's final point total wasn't indicative of the fight - or lack thereof - that they put up against Texas (see Deluded/Rational Thoughts, below...) But PB makes an excellent point about Texas' strength in stopping the run.

Oklahoma State may very well have the best running game of any team Texas faces this season, but they're going to have to prove they can run the ball against a stout Horns defense as much as Texas is going to have to prove they can stop a very effective OSU passing game.

The Week That Will Be, Brought to You by the Number Seven...

Seven. The name of a pretty good Brad Pitt movie. The number of Mickey Mantle, and perhaps the name of George Costanza’s daughter out there somewhere. The number of deadly sins. Designer jeans. The magic number on slot machines.

A magic number indeed. In baseball, teams talk about “magic numbers” when they are counting down the end of the regular season, and their magic number is a combination of how many wins they need and how many losses they need by their closest opposition to win the division or wild card.

But in college football, without a playoff system, the Longhorns now have a magic number of 7.

Jordan Shipley said this week that they don’t give you awards for being 7-0, but go 7-0 again this year, and we’re talking about a special team, and a special program.

And does anyone want to bet against this group of guys getting the job done? The chemistry and focus that this team appears to have is truly special.

Focus. We’re rolling downhill now.

Go check out the rest, as you don't want to miss Matt's Mid-Season Awards.

They Said It (the "Texas-Sized" version)...

"This is a different Texas than I've seen the last couple of years. Colt McCoy is a Heisman Trophy candidate right now."

Barry Switzer

There you have it folks; Fifty percent of former coaches who won both a National Title and a Super Bowl have publicly placed McCoy among the nation's best...

"I haven't seen everybody, but I don't think there is anybody above [McCoy] right now. I'd have to look to see if there is anybody else right now, but I haven't seen anybody that's above him that's for sure."

Florida QB Tim Teabow

...As have one hundred percent of reigning Heisman winners.

"We were expecting more of a dogfight. We're still looking for our best game and that wasn't it."

Texas DT Roy Miller

The entire country was expecting more of a dogfight last week, and we're all expecting one on Saturday. But the dogfight in the Cotton Bowl took a good three years off of my life, so if the Horns want to jump out to another big lead and cruise to an easy win over a good opponent then I'm perfectly willing to wait another week or two for Texas' best game.

"We're a blue-collar team and nobody takes things for granted. It doesn't matter where we're ranked. You can throw that No. 1 ranking out the window, and we have to go back to work."

Brian Orakpo. If I have to tell you that he's a Texas DE then please stop reading right now and go to TMZ.com

He says the right things off of the field, and he does the right things on the field. He's quite possibly my favorite current Longhorn.

"We decided we're going to get one of those ear pieces we see y'all wearing where we just get the network and it's $25 bucks and we get a two-for-one deal and we're going to spread them out. Either that or we're going to go to the Verizon network and have that horde of people standing right there by us so we can hear and say, 'Can you hear me now?'"

Oklahoma State co-offensive coordinator Gunter Brewer, on communicating in what promises to be a boisterous DKR.

In twenty years of attending Longhorn games - close to one hundred home games in all - I've never experienced anything like last Saturday. A Texas home crowd legitimately made a difference in a game. The 98,000 people in attendance were not just loud, they were consistent.

"When was the last time the Cowboys played in an atmosphere like that?
No one is talking about Texas and OU in the national title, but it’s a real possibility. Sports writers and coaches didn’t want to see [Michigan and Ohio State in 2006] again because it had just taken place at the end of the season. But with Texas and OU, there will have been enough time between the two games that voters might be OK with it."

Richard Billingsley, developer of one of the six computer polls involved in the BCS formula.

Good Lord.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"

Coming soon...

(Note: "Sir" Rod Walker played RB for the Horns from 1991-1994. He currently chairs a committee seeking to enshrine John Mackovic in the Longhorn Ring of Honor.)

Stonie's Stone Wall

Coming soon...

(Note: Stonie Clark played DT for the Horns from 1992-1995. He once left a permanent dent in Sooner RB James Allen's torso with a flying body tackle.)

Betcha Didn't Know

This one really is unbelievable, and comes courtesy of the Unofficial Colt McCoy for Heisman website.

Chew on this for just a minute; as of right now Colt has 12 touchdown passes at DKR Stadium and only 14 incompletion's for the season.

I've done some crazy stuff on video games and never even come close to a stat like that. Take away a few drops and batted down balls, and the man has thrown more home TD passes than incompletions through four games.

The Things I Think About

Apologies, first off, for somehow deleting this week (if you enjoyed its absence then EABOD and DIAF).

As I watched Brian Orakpo dominate All-Big 12 candidate Phil Loadholt, I contemplated how my boy 'Rak would stand up to the standard-bearer for Longhorn DEs, Tony Brackens. As blasphemous as it may sound to those of us over the age of 25, I honestly think Orakpo could go down in the annals as our best-ever DE (note: I understand that I'm omitting from the discussion guys like Shane Dronett, Cory Redding and the great Hub Bechtol).

So since I haven't played a down of football since helping pave the way for Quincy Deavers to score TD after TD for the Travis Middle School 8th grade B Team, I posed this hypothetical to two of my favorite former Longhorns, "Sir" Rod Walker and Stonie Clark.

Rod's politically safe answer would have earned kudos from Barack Obama or John McCain. Since he knew Brackens and has never met Orakpo, he gives the nod to the Longhorn Legend. Stonie, though, noted that Tony used to "take a play off sometimes," and that Orakpo does not. What say you, the reader?

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

In 2005 my friends and I had an absolute blast in Stillwater. In 2007? Not so much. We can start with the Best Western Inn, which apparently doesn't enforce their non-smoking policy. I was also perplexed to learn, after going out in Oklahoma City in 2005, that every bar in Stillwater is apparently a pool hall, one of which proudly displays the Cowboys' recent calf judging national title. The bouncers, for the record, became increasingly less amused when I said: "I'm a Man; I'm 30," every time one asked me for my ID. Eskimo Joe's was not quite as fun the second time around either. Finally, there was the game. Texas stunk it up for three quarters, and in keeping with the high school atmosphere one might expect in Stillwater, the PA announcer and scoreboard display referred to Texas only as the "Visitors."

Then Jamaal Charles decided he was a man; he was 21.

Texas 38, Oklahoma State 35.

Whose House? Visitor's House!

Semi-Relevant quote from the movie Tombstone

"The Cowboys are finished, you understand?"

Truthfully, even a Missouri-like annihilation of OSU won't "finish" them. But Wyatt Earp's most famous outburst was Muschampian in its intensity.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

An appropriately named poster at Orangepower.com wonders, "If we beat Texas..."

We will finally get some "real" respect and "real" NC talk. Right now we are "the most overrated team in the top 10" and "don't have a solid win yet" (per sooner fans after Mizzou getting killed at Texas). I was just thinking about our team and realized:

1. We have the best special teams unit in Big 12
2. We have the best rushing game in the Big 12
3. We have arguably the best receiver in the Big 12
4. We have arguably the best TE in the Big 12
5. We have one of the top QB's in the Big 12
6. We have the most underrated defenses in the Big 12

When you start listing these things out- it looks pretty impressive.

Don't know if we can win at Texas, but I certainly give us a chance.

BTW- about the Texas-Mizzou beatdown, if you watched the game, Texas played a flawless first half. One of the most impressive games I have ever seen. If they played that way against OU they would have won by 30. Mizzou is still a solid top 15 team.

He (or she) is right about that last part. Actually he (or she) is right about a lot of them. But of the six points listed, you don't have to merely play Devil's Advocate to swing it back in Texas' favor.

Jeremy Maclin is every bit as good as Dez Bryant, Sam Bradford was better than Zac Robinson and an underrated defense still doesn't pose the threat that Oklahoma did. Remember what happened to them?

Still, I wouldn't label I'm Ur Huckleberry's post as delusional. However, fellow poster, t1m0thy, offers two gems:

Re: No. 5

True. Once again, not just in the big 12, in the country. And if he outplays McCoy like he did Daniel, the last time he faced the leading heisman candidate, ESPN can't pretend he doesn't exist anymore.

Re: No. 6

Also true. We have arguably the best defense in the big 12. Never thought I'd hear myself say that this year, but it's true. Texas's D (who nobody can talk about enough) held Missouri to 31 points IN AUSTIN. Ours held Missouri to 23 points IN COLUMBIA. No arguing that.

The first is laughably speculative. It reminds me of the time many years ago - probably after an OU loss, when these types of asinine debates were commonplace - some random LonghornFanZone.Com poster argued that Mack Brown was the more successful Texas coach than John Mackovic because "in two or three years he'll have just as many conference titles" as his predecessor.

The second is such an egregious misrepresentation of the facts that I cannot believe that he could type it without feeling like a complete moron. The game had long since lost any semblance of competition before Mizzou found its way to the end zone.

I couldn't find myself in this video, but maybe you can...

That had to have been taken within 10-15 feet of our group.

Prediction: If Texas trails at the halftime, offer the nearest OSU fan pre-emptive condolences.

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Missouri Game

2008-10-15T16:41:00.010-05:00

Week Seven: No. 1 Texas (6-0) vs. No. 11 Missouri (5-1)
Last Week: Texas 45, Oklahoma 35; Oklahoma State 27, Missouri 23
Last Meeting: (#2) Texas 51, Missouri 20
All-Time Series: Texas leads 15-5

The most ubiquitous gesture in sports is not the "Hook'em" sign, at least not outside of Austin, Texas (or, in its modified form, College Station, Texas, or Norman, Oklahoma). No, the most ubiquitous gesture in sports is something a little simpler: a single raised digit.

You see it almost every time a camera person pans through a throng of fans; it doesn't matter if it's News 8 Austin gathering highlights from the High School Game of the Week or ABC covering two top ten teams on Saturday night in prime time. The sentiment remains the same.

"We're number one."

But how many teams get to actually say they're number one? Watch any game this weekend and invariably after a big play a fan of Ball State, or TCU, or Vanderbilt will flash their index finger toward the camera. But those teams aren't number one. They're not going to be number one.

The Texas Longhorns, on the other hand, are the number one team in the country.

It's early, yes. But that's a moniker to be worn with pride. More than one hundred teams play in the Football Bowl Subdivision and every single one of them is looking up at the Texas Longhorns this week, including the team that could have owned that spot themselves if not for a loss against Oklahoma State.

It's a target; it's a bullseye. It's also a barometer for where this team stands right now, and where they want to stand when this season ends. Our Texas forefathers knew what it was like to possess something the enemy wanted. Their response?

Come and Take It.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Chase Daniel and Jeremy Maclin may be the best QB-to-WR combo in the country (or they may be the third- or fourth-best in the conference) but no matter who you put in or atop that group, they're included, and it doesn't take long to call roll, if I may be so bold as to paraphrase Coach Royal.

Texas kept Oklahoma at bay by pressuring Sam Bradford without having to resort to blitzes. If Brian Orakpo and company can duplicate that against a line that probably isn't as stout as the one they faced in Dallas, then even a few Daniel TD passes won't let Missouri escape Austin with a win.

Matt sands the floor with this week's The Week That Will Be

These Longhorns, and specifically Colt McCoy = Daniel LaRusso.

Colt McCoy and the Longhorns enjoyed a stellar beginning to the 2006 season, when it appeared that they were a cinch to repeat as Big 12 champions and go to another BCS bowl game. But then one night in Manhattan, Kansas they ran into Johnny Lawrence, and they were shown no mercy by the Wildcats that night or the Aggies the game after that.

Johnny made the Longhorns life hell in 2007, as Kansas State once again tripped up the Horns, as did Oklahoma and Texas A&M. Then Mr. Miyagi came to their rescue.

As I touched on last week, Will Muschamp and Major Applewhite were brought in to reverse the tide, to stop the senseless losses to the Wildcats and Aggies of the world, and make the Longhorns a tougher team, both physically and mentally.

The Longhorns went to work. And not work in Spring and Summer. And not after a nice breakfast. Their waxing on and waxing off was nearly 100 percent participation in off-season workouts that began at the ungodly hour of 6 AM. Their painting a fence was several recruits (among them phenom safety Blake Gideon) registering early in the Spring semester so that they could hit the ground running. Their sanding the floor was seniors on the team taking on a leadership role, as many of them were old enough to have sniffed a national championship run in 2005, but young enough that now they wanted hardware that they could truly call their own.

Through the training in the Karate Kid, Daniel LaRusso not only learns karate from his teacher, but also learns life lessons, such as balance and the importance of not only physical strength, but the strength of the mind as well.

The Karate Kid came out in 1984. Texas last played a regular season game in 1984. Hmmmm... Do you think Mr. Miyagi could use that hand-rubbing healing technique on Blaine Irby?

They Said It (the "Texas-Sized" version)...

"It's nice now. Our goal is not to be No. 1 in October. It's to be the No. 1 team at the end"

Texas OL Adam Ulatoski

Football players can't say, "Come and Take It." That's why guys like me write columns that few people read.

"I don’t think anyone knows who’s No. 1 right now. If I was voting, I would’ve (voted) Alabama at No. 1."

Mack Brown

Of course we don't know who is really number one right now, but half of the fun of following college football is yapping about who's overrated and underrated (note to readers: don't yap about this with SI.com columnist Stewart Mandel [see below]). And of course Mack Brown would have voted Alabama number one, because as Shakespeare said in Henry IV, "Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown." Football coaches can't say, "Come and Take It." That's why guys like me write columns that few people read.

"Uncomfortably long."

Christopher Ainley, Longhorn Band cymbal player, with regard to the length of time Colt McCoy's fourth quarter two-point conversion pass hung in mid-air before Quan Cosby nabbed it.

Try looking at it from the top row on the upper deck, where you can't get a handle on exactly how high it bounced.

"The Oklahoma game was the end of the first half of the season. It’s over. Bury it."

Mack Brown

This one is reminiscent of a quote we'll all remember from the spring of 2005: "Rose Bowl's over, y'all." That's not going to stop fans from enjoying the biggest conference win in Brown's tenure, but the team has to be forward-looking, and if nothing else, Brown and his team are saying the right things.

"I'm well aware that Aggies don't consider Texas Tech a rival. I reckon that might make losing 10 of the last 13 games against the Red Raiders easier to stomach."

Dallas Morning News columnist Tim McMahon

I include this because it's always fun to have a laugh at Texas A&M's expense. And I like McMahon's stuff.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"

Coming soon...

(Note: "Sir" Rod Walker played RB for the Horns from 1991-1994. He currently chairs a committee seeking to enshrine John Mackovic in the Longhorn Ring of Honor.)

Stonie's Stone Wall

Coming soon...

(Note: Stonie Clark played DT for the Horns from 1992-1995. He once left a permanent dent in Sooner RB James Allen's torso with a flying body tackle.)

Betcha Didn't Know

By now everyone knows that on Saturday Texas will pay its first game as the country's top-ranked team since 1984. So instead I'll throw out two facts that you probably also know, but that probably aren't wuite as top of mind.

(1) Mack Brown has not lost in the week after OU during his tenure on the Forty Acres.

(2) Texas has won all three home games in 2008 by the same score: 52-10.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

2004 didn't hold quite the same magic as 2005. But as Texas prepared to meet Mizzou on a beautiful fall Saturday, my second favorite sports entity prepared to meet a Missouri-based team 120 miles east of here. The St. Louis Cardinals took a 2-1 series lead into Game Four of the 2004 NLCS, and though I had tickets for the Horns' game I sported my Astros gear during the tailgate. Two random Mizzou fans meandered into our corner of the lot and asked if they could partake in the bountiful spread before them, and being the hospitable Texans we are, we happily obliged. Then one of them, the cocksucker, saw my shirt and made an unpleasant remark about the great Craig Biggio. I held my tongue, and ultimately I got the last laugh that afternoon when both Texas and Houston triumphed (we won't discuss the events of Game Seven a few days later). But even four years later I hold little regard for "the best fans in baseball," so for at least a portion of this weekend's tailgate, you can recognize me by looking for this shirt:

Semi-Relevant quote from the movie Tombstone

"Live every second, live right on through to the end."

Doc Holliday uttered this one from his deathbed. Texas is more alive now than they've been at this point in most of the hundred-plus years they've fielded a football team, but the sentiment rings true.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

A thread at TigerBoard.com asks posters to "Name two of the main things that come from Texass." Overlooking, for a moment, the asinine modification of our great state's name, I think his hopes for someone to reset one of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman's more famous lines fell flat. Most of the replies went a different direction, and this guy hit it on the head. No one heaps praise on Missouri women. And speaking of Missouri, since it's easily modified into "Misery," perhaps "bluesox7" should show some respect when referring to the Lone Star State.

I could go for an encore of this showing...

After the 2005 NLCS I remember watching a great video of two douchebags crying big, fat tears after the Astros clinched the pennant in Busch Stadium's final game. Try as I might, I could not locate that video, so you'll have to watch a relatively ho-hum video of a relatively ho-hom Horns' blowout.

The one I couldn't find went something like this... "boo hoo... the Cards' lost... boo hoo... my uncle used to bring me here when I was six... boo hoo... I love this team... boo hoo... I miss when my uncle used to touch my pee pee... boo hoo."

For the record, Albert Pujols had nothing to do with Brad Lidge's decline in 2006 and 2007.

Prediction: I opt to sleep in instead of visiting the GameDay set.

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Oklahoma Game

2008-10-07T18:55:00.012-05:00

Week Five: No. 5 Texas (5-0) vs. No. 1 Oklahoma (5-0)
Last Week: Texas 38, Colorado 14; Oklahoma 49, Baylor 17
Last Meeting: (#10) Oklahoma 28, (#19) Texas 21
All-Time Series: Texas leads 57-40-5

It's Texas.

It's OU.

It's the State Fair of Texas; it's the Cotton Bowl, and the expectation of 92,000-plus fans; and it's a battle of Top 5 teams with Heisman Trophy candidates.

Do you really need any more buildup?

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Throw out conventional wisdom; this game will be won by the team that wants it most. A sign hangs in the locker room at Neuhaus-Moncrief center that reads: "The Pride And Winning Tradition Of The University Of Texas Will Not Be Entrusted To The Weak Or The Timid." If everyone on the Texas sideline, coaches and players alike, heeds that message, then the Horns can win this game.

Matt fires up the Texas faithful (and gives a subtle grammar lesson) in The Week that Will Be

So what does that meandering, quick jaunt through the history of Texas/OU tell us?

Youth wins.

Young Wilkinson beat old stodgy Texas. Young Royal turned the tables. Young Switzer did what Royal and his replacement Fred Akers better. Young Stoops beat Mack Brown with fresh new schemes and by being one of the first to use the spread offense which would become a staple in college football in this decade.

Hell, Vince Young turned the tables on Stoops.

Texas fought complacency for a good two years after their national title, until finally the team turned over a new leaf and brought a new attitude to its (what’s up now Drew) Holiday Bowl match-up with Arizona State last year. Texas was the more aggressive team. Texas was the hungrier team. Texas was the angrier team.

So what did the Longhorns do in the off-season? Did they rest on their laurels and pat themselves on the back? Nope.

They fed the fire.

Give him some love at his blog

They Said It (the "Texas-Sized" version)...

"We're 26th in the country at rushing, and at the same time, I'm not happy about it. I'm not happy about the consistency. That's my biggest complaint right now"

Greg Davis

Coincidentally enough, that's also the biggest complaint right now from the thousands of Orangebloods that don't get paid $450,000 per year.

"Greg Davis has coached 40 quarters of Red River Rivalry. At least half of those have been from a fetal position."

Barking Carnival blogger ScipioTex, in his game preview.

As stated before, I'm not the world's biggest critic of Greg Davis. But it doesn't take a "hater" to look at our point totals against the Sooners over the past decade and see that we've often underperformed in this game. From 2000 through 2004 our offense's highest output was 17 points (Rod Babers' interception return in 2004 accounted for 7 of our 24 points), culminating with the program's only shutout in the past three decades in the final of those five games. But even sans Superman the past two seasons, Davis' offense has been good enough to win. So while Scipio's sentiment rings true, it's not indicative of recent years, much less forward-looking.

"Here's an early guess that neither team will run for 100 yards."

Austin American-Statesman columnist Kirk Bohls

The oft-criticized Bohls seems to pull comments like this from the same place that most message board users pull statistics in their supporting arguments. He may be right this week. Does this faze Coach Youtube?

Stats are for losers. I like winning games

Texas Defensive Coordinator Will "Boom" Muschamp

I guess not.

"We've already been tested by guys like (Baylor quarterback) Robert Griffin and (Washington quarterback Jake) Locker. So yeah, we've been tested and we've responded every time. Colt can do damage with his legs, but we don't plan on allowing him to do that."

Oklahoma DT Adrian Taylor

Robert Griffin has been fun to watch so far and Jake Locker had his moment in the spotlight, but neither of those guys comes close to Colt McCoy in terms of the threat they pose to a defense. In his first two years McCoy turned to his feet mainly when the play broke down. This year the Texas coaches have developed more designed runs for him, so he's not simply getting happy feet. In fact, McCoy's poise has been his biggest strength through five games. Unless Greg Davis turtles this weekend Colt is going to get his yards, regardless of whether or not the Sooner defensive players "plan on allowing him to do that."

"Actually, Tech fans ought to want UT to roll off wins the next three weeks over OU, Mizzou and Oklahoma State. Just imagine how much hype a showdown between the undefeated Horns and Red Raiders would get Nov. 1 in Lubbock. If that scenario unfolds and Tech protects its home turf, we might be talking about the top-ranked Red Raiders."

Dallas Morning News columnist Tim McMahon, in a piece discussing why Texas Tech and Oklahoma State should cheer for Texas this weekend.

His point is valid: a Texas win, given their remaining schedule, opens up more possibilities for Tech or Oklahoma State to make a run at the division title. Something about that last sentence though, seems to me as unholy as it is unlikely.

"I'll feel all the energy, as the grass shakes beneath my feet."

Longhorns LB Sergio Kindle

I include this for one reason: it reminds me of something the Ultimate Warrior would have said when cutting his pre-match interview back in the heydey of the WWF. And in that vein, wouldn't you love to see those old school WWF-style promos replace the boring pregame/halftime sideline interviews, where a coach basically says nothing of consequence to some softball-lobbing sideline reporter? Give me Brian Orakpo in the locker room with Mene Gene Okerland, going off on a tirade about how much OU sucks, punctuated with: "Whatcha gonna do, brotha, when the largest arms in the Big 12 crash down on YOU, Sooners! YEAAHHHHH!"

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"

Ahhhh, we are DAYS away from the single best sporting event on this planet. October brings two things: perfect weather and TEXAS Vs. OU!

For Longhorn fans, I believe “Wheeler’s Texas / OU Preview” perfectly describes how we feel. For ANY fan, “The Tunnel”, written by a former Longhorn player, really provides the imagery that we fans will never truly understand.

Now that the Cotton Bowl has expanded to 92,000, I am pretty sure that a few folks on this thread may actually have heart attacks when the Horns take the green field, covered with the giant State of Texas flag, hearing Smokey the Cannon and then “Texas Fight!”.

For the record (I have considered this thoroughly) I believe the teams are too evenly matched to predict a winner. OU supporters will suggest that their pass defense and running games are superior. After close inspection, I am not sure I buy it…they don’t run well either, Murray has lost a step since the injury. As for pass defense, they have competed against only a single team in the top 50 in the nation in passing offense (Cincy).

Texas does not run the ball well either, but we have played 4 teams ranked in the top 50 in passing offense. Stats mean nothing…I am simply suggesting that these teams are evenly matched. Ask Hawkins about our pass D…he went 13 or 33 for 116 yards in a HUGE home game. As is always the case in this game, turnovers and special teams will win it or lose it. Period.

But what fun is it without picking a winner?!

Texas - 31
Land Grabbers - 28

Texas wins on the heels of an absolutely crazed defensive effort, thanks in part to Coach Boom.

Hook ‘em By God!

(Note: "Sir" Rod Walker played RB for the Horns from 1991-1994. He currently chairs a committee seeking to enshrine John Mackovic in the Longhorn Ring of Honor.)

Stonie's Stone Wall

Note: Stonie Clark wrote the following last year and I deemed it an instant classic. So as with "Yes Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus," which finds its way into newspapers nationwide each Christmas Eve, I'm reprinting it before every Texas-OU preview I write. If you don't want to head dirctly to the Cotton Bowl immediately after reading it then go sell your tickets to someone not in a coma.

As a 17 year old freshman, I remember guys like Lance Gunn and Peter Gardere standing up in the locker room talking about how big a rivalry Oklahoma was for 'us'. They talked about fans throwing things at you and spitting on you. Little old ladies talking like sailors and giving the horns down sign two inches from your face. I remember thinking, "I just want to play some football. Make a name for myself and these rivalries belong to the school, not me."

By my junior year at UT, I was as much a part of this rivalry game in my heart and soul as any Longhorn before me and was about to become associated with it for the rest of my life.

1994. Cotton Bowl. Red River Rivalry. 17-10 Texas. 4th and Goal. Ball on the Texas 1 yard line. I had heard the stories of Peter the Great. Cash, with the one handed touchdown catch. Bubba Jacques scooping up a fumble and returning it for a touchdown in a tight TX-OU game. When the center snapped the ball, their line zone blocked right. It was we refer to as a misdirection play. I was able to see Thompson handing the ball to James Allen on a statue of liberty play. Immediately I changed direction and headed toward the ball carrier. My teammate, Robert Reed had forced James Allen back inside and as he reached for the endzone, I hit him. It was a trainwreck. That God for making me a train. I rolled about 340 at the time and being run over was never a concern of mine. In some of the pictues of the play, my feet were actually in the endzone when I made contact. The hit was pure and the celebration started.

Cotton Spryer. Peter the Great. Bubba Jacques. Kerry Cash... Stonie Clark.

We all see Oklahoma has some vulnerabilities, and hopefully this week our coaching staff was able to identify some of those and put together a game plan that puts our guys in a position to win. That's all that can really be asked of the coaching staff. The rest has to be the guys wanting to be great. Wanting to be remembered. Have they dreamed and visualized making plays in this game? Do they want it so badly that the tears stream from their faces as they walk down the tunnel? Are they screaming inside because of the liquid fire running through their veins and up their spine? Folks, I save exaggerations for more important things like penis size and what age I actually was when I started losing my hair. This is real. This is TX-OU.

(Note: Stonie Clark played DT for the Horns from 1992-1995. He once left a permanent dent in Sooner RB James Allen's torso with a flying body tackle.)

Betcha Didn't Know

Unless Mizzou flattens Oklahoma State this weekend in their battle of big-time WRs (Jeremy Maclin v. Dez Bryant), Texas will play their next four games against ranked opponents (#1 Oklahoma, #2 Mizzou, #17 Oklahoma State, #7 Texas Tech). Texas has not played four straight games against ranked opponents during Mack Brown's tenure.

Brown's Texas teams have played three consecutive ranked teams only twice before:

2002
L- #2 Oklahoma
W- #17 Kansas State
W- #17 Iowa State

1999
L- #24 A&M
L- #3 Nebraska
L- #24 Arkansas

You would need to go back to 1979 to find a stretch this brutal in a Longhorns schedule. In a seven-week span Fred Akers' team faced the following:

1979
W- #5 Mizzou
W- Rice
W- #3 Oklahoma
L- #10 Arkansas
W- SMU
W- Texas Tech
W- #5 Houston

I took all data from Mack Brown-Texas Football, which reflects rankings at the time the game took place, not where the teams ultimately finished.

The Things I think About

Since the time I arrived at work on Monday morning I've thought about on thing only: this game.

By the way, it's now 8:50 AM on Thursday morning and OU still sucks.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

I took a day trip with a large group of friends earlier this year to the Texas Hill Country to visit a handful of wineries. It was enjoyable, being that we spent the entire day drinking and that we also travelled in one of those sweet stretch Hummers. It was less-than-enjoyable, however, when the subject turned to National Signing day, which loomed the following week. At the time reports indicated that super-stud Darrell Scott would likely spurn the Horns for Colorado (he ultimately did), and the coupld of Sooner fans on board cackled with delight as they proclaimed that Mack Brown could no longer even earn recruiting accolades. They continued to bash the Horns and talk about how ugly this game could get. Almost eight months later, Sooner fans continue to hold little doubt that they're going to emerge unscathed this weekend. If for no other reason, I'd like Texas to win this weekend so that when we once again venture out to the Hill Country I can reply to their Sooner ramblings with two two-word responses: "OU Sucks" and "Scoreboard, bitches."

Semi-Relevant quote from the movie Tombstone

Sherman McMasters: Where is he?
Doc Holliday: Down by the creek, walking on water.

Wyatt Earp did the unthinkable in the lead-up to this exchange, charging the Cowboys, who had him pinned down in a cross-fire, and mowing them down. It was the act of a man that knew he would make something happen or die trying. It was heroic. This weekend we just need someone - Colt McCoy? Jordan Shipley? Cody Johnson? - to step up and make something happen. This is Texas-OU, where heroes are born.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

I don't give Sooner fans credit for much, but even despite their annoying, fate-tempting overconfidence, and their general disregard for the fact that their team owes much of its historical success to rampant cheating, they use Photoshop quite well, as evidenced below (from the College Gameday Signs thread at Soonerfans.com):

How about an SAT-style analogy?

Brian Robison : Rhett Bomar :: Brian Orakpo : Sam Bradford

Prediction: I bypass the chicken fried bacon (and the ensuing triple bypass) for corny dogs and maybe a fried grilled cheese sandwich.

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Colorado Game

2008-09-30T19:06:00.006-05:00

Week Five: No. 5 Texas (4-0) vs. Colorado (3-1)
Last Week: Texas 52, Arkansas 10; Florida State 39, Colorado 21
Last Meeting: #2 Texas 70, Colorado 3 (2005)
All-Time Series: Texas leads 9-7

During the nadir of Texas Football the inclusion of Colorado on the Longhorns' football schedule almost certainly meant one thing: an increase in the "L" column. The Southwest Conference was dying, Texas took a yearly backseat to Texas A&M in the standings, and try as they might, the outmatched Horns just couldn't keep up with the Big 8 Conference's powerful Buffs.

Colorado hosted the Longhorns in both 1989 and 1993, soundly trouncing them both times. In 1990 and 1994 they visited then-Memorial Stadium and eked out victories late in the game to spoil what would have otherwise been benchmark victories for the David McWilliams and John Mackovic eras, respectively. And once the Big 12 formed in 1996, Colorado extended its dominance with wins in both 1996 and 1997.

It seems like such a long time ago. Because it was.

Texas' last regular season loss to the Buffs - the aforementioned '97 contest - helped usher John Mackovic out of Austin, and it closed the book on one of the longest losing streaks against any regular Texas opponent in the past three decades (only Texas A&M has a more successful run, from 1984-89). Since that time the Horns have run off wins in 2000, 2001, 2004 and 2005 (twice). Their lone loss came in a postseason encounter (more on that later).

Why do I bring this up? I simply wish to illustrate the recent dominance Texas has exerted over its once-formidable foe. Again, why? Because it needs to continue. Texas has to win this game.

Win this game and the Horns go to Dallas for a Top 5 match-up with Oklahoma. Lose this game and they go to Dallas staring an 0-2 conference start in the face for a second consecutive season, and with another Top 5 waiting in Missouri, they could easily extend that mark to 0-3.

This weekend then becomes the fork in the road with a springboard toward a possible conference title march in one direction, and a disastrous mid-season tailspin in the other. So to reiterate...

Texas has to win this game.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

At the risk of overloading visits to Matt's blog, he had a solid write-up earlier this week about Texas' national rankings heading into Big 12 play (statistical rankings, not polls). As he notes, our run defense has been superb, and that's good news considering Colorado is the first team we're going to play that has shown an ability to grind out yards. On the flip side, Sophomore Cody Hawkins can also air it out, but keep this in mind: CU has now lost two starting offensive linemen. Texas' front seven chased Casey Dick all over the field last week, and Brian Orakpo is no doubt drooling at the thought of continuing his Lombardi Trophy campaign by adding to his sack total (it currently sits at six through four games).

A night game on the road is always a potential recipe for an upset, but Texas wins this game if they: (a) keep pressure on Hawkins, and (b) show a sense of composure that doesn't resemble the 1999 Stanford game.

Matt breaks down the Big 12 in The Week that Will Be

Read the whole thing. Especially the Facebook Status Messages.

Congrats, buddy!

They Said It...

"I can remember looking up in the third quarter thinking, 'Man, they might score a hundred. We got to stop these guys.' That was a very good football team and I take my hat off to them, but I have never felt more embarrassed. My family was there and that was a big-time game on a big stage"

Buffs WR Patrick Williams, referring to Texas' 70-3 annihilation of Colorado in the 2005 Big 12 Title Game

Consider that payback for the heartache sustained in 2001. Leaving Reliant Stadium that day, I had no doubt in my mind that Texas was going to win the Rose Bowl.

"I think that package has been successful"

Greg Davis, referring to the "Q Package" prior to Rice.

Yep, I left that in from last week. Why? Because...

"The Q package right now hasn’t brought us anything much. We’ll continue to look at it. … It doesn’t look like it’s going to be as involved as we thought at the beginning of the year."

Mack Brown

The Q Package is much more appealing when dealing with 2007 Colt McCoy than it is when dealing with 2006 or 2008 Colt McCoy. When McCoy's TDs outnumber his INTs by a 14:1 ratio, and Greg Davis (I guess) shows enough imagination to designed runs for him that bring an added element to an offense lacking a marquee back, then gimmicky two-QB sets become less necessary. Chiles' athleticism continues to waste away on the bench, but that's not Colt's fault, and maybe these comments signal an eventual position change. By the way, Davis changed his tune in the last week. A week after it was successful, the Q Package "hasn’t been as productive as we’d thought." I know it's an election year, but flip-flopping was so 2004, Coach.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"

Listen guys and gals...all i'm gonna say is...THEY DON'T SELL ALCOHOL ANYMORE during the games there, so it probably won't be as much of a contact sport as it was in the past. By the way....it's hard as hell to catch your breath after just a couple of quick plays. Oxygen masks will make a resurgence during this game.

We should crush this group so we can have a certain 'SWAGGER' about ourselves goin' into the TX-ou game!!!!!!!!!!

HOOK'EM!! SIR ROD

(Note: "Sir" Rod Walker played RB for the Horns from 1991-1994. He currently chairs a committee seeking to enshrine John Mackovic in the Longhorn Ring of Honor.)

Stonie's Stone Wall

Will return next week...

(Note: Stonie Clark played DT for the Horns from 1992-1995. He once left a permanent dent in Sooner RB James Allen's torso with a flying body tackle.)

Betcha Didn't Know

Colorado once denied Texas a trip to the BCS Championship Game. It apparently happened in 2001. I have no personal recollection of this unbelievable occurrence, but I read about it a few times this week while prepping for the column. I do remember watching from the end zone at DKR while Texas whipped the Buffs by 34 points, but a loss? Nope. I don't think it actually happened.

The Things I think About

There's this juvenile, asinine, inane, (insert adjective here) practice common to message boards, where people take a school's abbreviation and turn it into some perjorative that supposedly describes said university. I mention this because it's common for some of the old Big 8 fans to refer to Colorado as sCUm. "sCUm." Get it? Yeah, I think it's pretty lame, too. Maybe I should quit posting on message boards.

(For the record, CU fans do have a reputation as being among the conference's worst)>

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

Four years ago the Democratic Party had a tremendous, though futile, GOTV effort going in the greater Denver metro area. Kerry supporters seemed to be everywhere you looked, on every street corner (Bush won 50%-45% anyway). As a fan of the President, I took a little bit of pleasure in letting the people accosting me with their Kerry/Edwards propaganda know that I was already backing the winning horse. It wasn't as pleasurable as watching the Horns destroy the Buffs that weekend at Folsom Field, my second favorite road venue in the conference, but a few days later when my friends and I sat up until the wee hours to toast a successful re-election bid, it made for a pretty good story. Why do I use that memory for this week's column instead of the penultimate moment of elation in recent Texas history? Because I thought I'd plug my latest post on my latest blogging venture.

For the record I should probably admit that I celebrated a little too much prior to the 2005 Big 12 Championship Game and may or not have slept through the third quarter.

Semi-Relevant quote from the movie Tombstone

"Texas Jack: You ever seen somethin' like that before?
Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Hell, I never even heard of something like that. "

That's what CU fans, players, coaches and administrators thought when they looked up at the scoreboard with about seven minutes to play in the third quarter of the 2005 Big 12 Championship Game.

Thank God for the game. It meant that the most lopsided annihilation I ever attended in person was no longer a 66-3 loss to UCLA.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Did I mention that Colorado fans have a reputation of being among the conference's worst?

Check this out.

For those wondering what "don't forget the batteries means," I'll relay another (non-personal) anecdote.

In 2000 some friends of mine made the trip to Boulder. As the Longhorn Band came marching by they stood to applaud and throw up their Horns. Then my buddy Wheeler noticed that some of the CU students about 10 rows from the field were throwing marshmallows at the band, only they weren't just marshmallows. They were loading them with AA or AAA batteries first. Long story short, Wheeler, as he was known to do, ended up in a scuffle with one of the battery chunkers, and after losing his hat and tearing his ACL, whilst throwing the battery chunker head first toward the bottom row, he found himself kicked out of a game Texas won 21-7.

Colorado fans - at least the battery chunkers - are indeed assholes.

If only my company didn't block YouTube...

I would have a highlight this week. F me for procrastinating and having to put the final touches on this from my place of employment (shhh, don't tell anyone).

Prediction: Colorado fans, in defeat, uphold their reputation as assholes.

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Arkansas Game

2008-09-24T14:22:00.005-05:00

Week Four: No. 7 Texas (3-0) vs. Arkansas (2-1)
Last Week: Texas 52, Rice 10; Alabama 49, Arkansas 14
Last Meeting: #7 Texas 22, Arkansas 20 (2004)
All-Time Series: Texas leads 55-21

"I think I know that this game is important to the people of this state. I don't need any sixth sense. Every conversation I'd hear every week would be: 'Congratulations. We're behind you. Beat Texas.' There'd always be those two words thrown in at the end of the exchange."

Jack Crowe, Arkansas Head Coach, 1990 (Bleeding Orange, pp. 101)

Depending on how many hotel rooms Hurricane Ike and ACL Fest left remaining Austin, expect to see plenty of Razorback fans invade Austin this weekend. It may be any old game for the Burnt Orange - especially those not old enough to have ever watched a "Raycom Game of the Week" between the Horns and Hogs - but for the folks from Fayetteville, this weekend means a chance to prove something against those arrogant Texans.

Arkansas was always the outcast in the Southwest Conference, even when they were among its elite. When they bolted to the SEC in 1992, a move that helped expedite the SWC's demise, their rivalry with Texas ended. It did for Texas, at least. Longhorn Coach David McWilliams cracked that it was sad, but "not like my cat dying." The point is, Orangebloods moved on.

Arkansas did not.

Old school Texas fans have peppered their younger brethren over the years with tales of woe and misery about ventures into Fayetteville or Little Rock. Gas stations denied them fill-ups; Restaurants denied them food. Crazed men in Pig hats spat on them; Decrepit ladies with wrinkled faces gave them the finger. They were cursed at, even peed on; their tires were slashed and their windshields busted. In short, they were shown everything but hospitality from a foe their team usually defeated.

I made the trek to see for myself in 2004, and while I left the stadium free of bruises, open wounds or urine-covered clothing, I faced more verbal taunts than every other road venue I've visited combined, and there have been more than a few. And I also took an elbow to the chest from a random co-ed who apparently thought my presence was impeding her walk toward the stadium.

Texas won that game, but it took a few breaks in the waning moments to hold off an Arkansas team that simply wasn't as good as Texas, the eventual Rose Bowl champions. Overall talent level mattered little, though, just as in 2003 and 1999 (actually the 2000 Cotton Bowl), when Arkansas bested Texas teams that were better on paper. You could cite a number of reasons for why Arkansas played as well as they did against Texas in those games - a Big 12 title game hangover in 1999, coupled with Major Applewhite's shredded knee, and Texas' inability to cover kickoffs in 2003, coupled with a disastrous 3rd and 30 conversion - but one element was central to each of them: disdain for all things Texas.

Oddsmakers have Texas as a 27.5-point favorite this week, and the Horns could very well end up opening that proverbial can of whoopass. But Arkansas still hates Texas with every fiber of their being, and that won't change no matter how large the spread grows. This game will mean more to the Hogs than it will to the Horns, and that's an equalizer that could affect the outcome.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Now that I've talked up Arkansas' equalizing hatred of Texas, the Horns will roll through them like Hurricane Ike through downtown Houston.

Matt Answers Who Is and Is Not Worth a Damn in The Week that Will Be

I’ve never been one for pre-season polls. Far too often the teams that we think are worth a damn aren’t worth a damn and the ones that aren’t supposed to be worth a damn are worth a damn. That’s a lotta damns and a lotta worths. But now that we’re a few weeks into the season, we have a better idea of who is what and how fat Houston Nutt has gotten. So here’s a damn poll that’s completely worthless, Matt’s Top 20 Poll:

20. Oregon Hey, look! Another Pac-10 team in the Top 20! The Ducks probably won’t be here long, however. They’ve already used 4 quarterbacks this year, and none of them are named Dennis Dixon. Autzen Stadium isn’t even the formidable place it used to be. They’ve lost 2 of their last 4 there.

19. Boise State How many years of eligibility does Ian Johnson have? Is he on the Justin McLemore plan? There are senior senators that have been in Congress for less time than Johnson has been in the backfield for the Broncos. ER had it’s pilot in Johnson’s freshman season. Has he divorced the cheerleader yet?

18. Utah [Tries to think of something witty to say about Utah…gets bored and checks his Google Reader…scrunches face….takes sip of water…flips through the channels…shrugs]

17. Kansas KU basketball players Darrell Arthur and Mario Chalmers were recently dismissed from a NBA rookie orientation session because officials found marijuana in their hotel room. Can’t you just imagine Mark Mangino hitting the bong in his hotel room and designing new formations and plays? Isn’t this the most plausible reason on how you get that fat? Whatever they’re doing, it’s working in Lawrence.

16. Ohio State Don’t you just look at Ohio State and think Buffalo Bills? Would it really surprise you if Beanie Wells lost his helmet on the sideline this year? But you already know what is going to happen. The Buckeyes are going to keep winning games by a field goal or a late interception. They’ll keep doing this all the way to the Rose Bowl, and there will be talk of a “rejuvenated” Buckeye team, who now has a healthy Wells…and then they’ll get stomped by Missouri or whatever team gets sent out there to replace USC.

Check out the rest at Matt's blog.

They Said It...

"It's like a little fat kid. You talk about him enough, and he's going to get tired of it. And we're tired of it. That's why sometimes we have a chip on our shoulder. We have stuff to prove. We have an image of us and guys haven't even played us"

Texas DT Roy Miller

We've read this stuff a lot over the past few years. Sometimes it's been a precursor to a big Longhorn performance (Arizona State last year), sometimes it hasn't (Kansas State and Texas A&M last year). Howard Schnellenberger disrespected Texas in Week One and the Horns mauled his team. But Florida Atlantic wasn't going to beat Texas no matter what their coach did or did not say. Texas needs to come out and stomp Arkansas or else quips such as Miller's are going to be routinely ignored and people will continue to label Texas with the descriptions they're tired of hearing.

"I think that package has been successful"

Greg Davis, referring to the infamous, and little-used, "Q Package" that Texas coaches apparently deemed successful after nine uses against Rice.

I'm as excited as anyone else about the prospects of John Chiles getting a chance to use his athleticism in a manner that benefits the team, but trotting out this package against Rice - when it didn't do squat in the first two games - hardly instills a sense of confidence that it will make a difference against an Oklahoma.

What, did you expect me to just say "that's what she said"?

"'I thought he bounced back pretty good, ' Paul Petrino said of Dick."

Arkansas WR Coach, Paul Petrino

That's what she said.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"

"All I'm gonna say is.....i first strapped it on with these guys in 1991. how long ago was that? seems like two weeks ago to me. oh well.....let me just say..........i don't eat pork and i haven't since THAT year..(1991). if the tailgate lives up to par for wild boar...THEN I'M EATING!!! Mmmmmmmmm. BRING IT DREW!"

(Note: "Sir" Rod Walker played RB for the Horns from 1991-1994. He currently chairs a committee seeking to enshrine John Mackovic in the Longhorn Ring of Honor.)

Stonie's Stone Wall

Coming soon...

(Note: Stonie Clark played DT for the Horns from 1992-1995. He once left a permanent dent in Sooner RB James Allen's torso with a flying body tackle.)

Betcha Didn't Know

Bleeding Orange, Kirk Bohls' and John Maher's recap of Texas' "Shock the Nation" tour in 1990, noted that surprisingly, lowly Rice had defeated Texas more times than Arkansas. In the 18 years since its publication, Arkansas has evened the Owls with 21 all-time victories against Texas. But SMU, who hasn't beaten Texas since the early 80s, remains a game up with 22 wins, and Baylor, if you count the "Bullshit on the Brazos" contest in 1992, has pulled ahead with 22 wins of their own.

The Things I think About

I'm just glad that this time around we're not thinking about this:

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

I've often told the story of watching the 1987 Texas-Arkansas game and going crazy when Tony Jones caught the game-winning pass with no time remaining. I should confess now, 21 years later, that I thought at the time that Eric Metcalf caught the pass. It was a while before I learned Jones actually hauled in the catch. I was 10 years old, and Metcalf was my favorite Longhorn. I thought he caught every pass.

Semi-Relevant quote from the movie Tombstone

"We started the game we never got to finish"

When I first though of using this quote, which Doc Holliday spoke to Johnny Ringo just before he put a bullet between his eyes, I thought it relevant from the perspective that an old rival has returned. Forget the one-sidedness of the rivalry, or that it's been dormant in 13 of the last 16 years. For those of us that grew up hating Arkansas with a fervor topped only by Oklahoma and Texas A&M, matching up with the Hogs remains something special.

This week the quote takes on a second meaning, as we all started getting ready for a Texas-Arkansas showdown two weeks ago that was tabled due to Hurricane Ike.

Either way, when the teams stand toe-to-toe, I hope Texas plays Doc Holliday to Arkansas' Johnny Ringo.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Whether Hog fans need a straight jacket for thinking they can win, or whether they think their team needs to age, like wine, you can count on seeing Razorback fans refer to our great state and team as "Texass."

Witty.

The Ultimate Texas-Arkansas Highlight

Prediction: Arkansas fans leave Austin wishing Ike had postponed the game for good.

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Rice Game

2008-09-18T18:09:00.003-05:00

Week Three: No. 8 Texas (2-0) vs. Rice (2-1)
Last Week: Hurricane Ike 1, Texas 0; Vanderbilt 38, Rice 21
Last Meeting: Texas 58, Rice 14 (2007)
All-Time Series: Texas leads 68-21-1

This week's game will be postponed due to...

Wait. That was last week.

Texas' annual ass-kicking of Rice will proceed as planned.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Rice is Rice. The last time they beat Texas it took an equalizer in the form of Houston's biggest monsoon till Ike, a Texas team that came very close to mutiny prior to boarding the bus, and a recovered onside kick in the final minute.

With both Ike and the John Mackovic in the rearview mirror I think the Horns have very little to worry about... except the running game and the secondary, which we'll address momentarily.

Matt visits the mailbag this week...

What we learned last week: We learned that Benjamin Franklin left out UCLA falling on their faces on the road in his “life and taxes” speech…We learned that USC and Oklahoma appear to be on a different level…but let’s be careful about putting them in Miami already…We learned that Georgia and South Carolina can play some mind-numbing football (but wasn’t the worst game in the SEC that day, unbelievably)…We learned that Mark Mangino apparently has never met Darrell Royal…We learned that a postponement of a game due to a hurricane means in fact that Austin will get no rain…and we learned that for some reason, this 2008 Texas Tech offense

Why couldn’t we just cancel the game? Don’t you people know there are more important things than football right now?

B. Petrino
Fayetteville, AR

Well Bobby, this isn’t the NFL and the Atlanta Falcons, you have to actually finish what you start, here. But don’t worry, we have no doubt forgotten that you backed out of next year’s game and the embarrassment of losing to your school in 2003. No seriously, judging by our luck in “revenge” games the past few years, we probably have forgotten about it. Now, almost losing to Louisiana-Monroe and Western Illinois = Kat Deluna singing the national anthem, so we might not be able to help kicking your ass.

Do you have any OxyContin? Vicodin? Percocet? Morphine?

C. Weis
South Bend, IN

Oh, poor Charlie. Things just go from bad to worse. Although you did pick up a victory over perennial Rose Bowl participant Michigan, so you’ve…what? Michigan went 9-4 last year and were lucky to be that good? They’ve already lost to Utah and could have easily lost to Miami…of Ohio? Oh my, Charlie. Well at least you beat San Diego State. And you still have Syracuse left, that oasis in the desert for so many programs. Speaking of which…

Check out the rest at Matt's blog.

They Said It...

Historically, other than 1998, we've started a little slow in the run game. And we've ended up being pretty proficient at it. Hopefully that will be the same again

Greg Davis

The good news here is that the past four seasons, Texas has topped 300 rushing yards almost every time time they've faced the Owls (2007- 227; 2006- 330; 2005- 361; 2004- 339). Each of those contests, except for last year, marked Texas' third game of the season. Coincidentally, Texas gained a season-low 53 yards in their third game in 1998, when they didn't "start slow."

I’m not real pleased where we are on defense.

Will "Boom" Muschamp

I wouldn't want to be a Longhorns defensive player Saturday night if Rice puts up numbers anywhere close to resembling the first half of Florida Atlantic or the entirety of UTEP. Rice has a stellar WR in Jarrett Dillard, so a young defense's baptism by fire will continue.

I'm not worried about who does it. I just like to have yards. We don't care how we score. We don't care who does it. We like scoring a lot, and that's what we want to do.
Mack Brown

I think Beavis and Butt-head took on a similar mentality in the mid-90s. Many Texas fans, I imagine, are looking forward to seeing Fozzy Whittaker at full speed this weekend. If Texas puts up another three-spot on Rice then we'll likely see some highlight reel plays from the newcomer.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"

Coming soon...

(Note: "Sir" Rod Walker played RB for the Horns from 1991-1994. He currently chairs a committee seeking to enshrine John Mackovic in the Longhorn Ring of Honor.)

Stonie's Stone Wall

Coming soon...

(Note: Stonie Clark played DT for the Horns from 1992-1995. He once left a permanent dent in Sooner RB James Allen's torso with a flying body tackle.)

Betcha Didn't Know

It's not Longhorn-related, but I found this little stat, courtesy of Barking Carnival, pretty damn fascinating: "Rick Neuheisel’s first loss as UCLA coach was by 59 points. Pete Carroll’s 14 losses at USC have been by a COMBINED 59 points. Wow. Thanks to Senator Blutarsky for the heads up on that one."

The Things I think About

Last week Hurricane Ike tore through Texas, causing massive amounts of destruction. This week the Miami Hurricanes are set to tear through College Station, Texas, causing massive amounts to the Texas A&M Aggies. What's that? Miami isn't very good? Well have you seen Texas A&M play?

Whoop!

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

I'm hoping that Tennessee and Florida combine for 900 yards and 80 points so that I can forget how Auburn and Mississippi State took offensive football back to the Teddy Roosevelt days.
Robert Griffin makes watching Baylor games fun.
Conference pride is the most tiresome thing about college football.
Is 9-3 a stretch for Notre Dame this year?
Is 4-8 a stretch for Michigan this year?
It may be Week Four already, but with (slightly) lower temperatures in Austin this week, and slate full of compelling games starting with tonight's Colorado-West Virginia contest, it really feels like the season is in full swing.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

Eh, anything I have has been told before.

Semi-Relevant quote from the movie Tombstone

"Why Ike, whatever do you mean? Maybe poker's just not your game Ike. I know! Let's have a spelling contest!"

Those kids from Rice are pretty smart.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Rice fans are reminiscing this week.

Is it just me, or did we look significantly bigger as a squad back then? Maybe the pads were biggger, I don't know. But everyone from the QB to the CBs looked big and pretty fast. Maybe it was the wet field that slowed down Texas, or maybe Texas just got a lot better and faster with Mack, but I thought that Rice team looked full of BCS-type athletes (of course we were in the SWC then and had several NFL or pro players - Kalu, Izzo, George, LaRocca, etc). The announcers mentioned how fast the Rice D was that night, althought they thought our FS Stanley was small, but he was over 6'0 and weighed almost 200lbs! You have to think the talent gap between Texas and Rice has widened since 94, for many reasons, including conference alignments, coaching staffs, and money (BCS), but it appears to be closing again.

(Delusional part in bold.)

And the response:

I don't know if we were bigger back then. I think the difference might be that they (the Texas, ESU-type BCS schools) are so much bigger now. Its my impression that the average size of a lineman and most of the "skill" positions have increased somewhat in the last fifteen years. Given that and our fall from the SWC to a lower-tier conference, amongst other things, I would think that we would field a relatively smaller looking team now vs. then.

Of course, that Texas team was coached by John Mackovic, so that could've had something to do with it as well.

(Rational part in bold.)

Random highlight that has nothing to do with this week's game, but asks a question that can be summed up with a simple answer...

For. The. Money.

Rice administrators are smart, too.

Prediction: Texas rushes for 300 yards

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The UTEP Game

2008-08-26T11:36:00.020-05:00

Week Three: No. 10 UT-Austin (1-0) vs. UT-El Paso (0-1)
Last Week: UT-Austin 52, Florida Atlantic 10; Buffalo 42, UT-El Paso 17
Last Meeting: Texas 22, College of Mines 6 (1933)
All-Time Series: Texas leads 2-0

I could say a lot about this game.

Actually, no I couldn't. As I'm currently sitting in a sports bar at the Raleigh, NC, airport (where college football mania is not nearly as prevalent as it is in Austin), I don't have time to come up with a witty theme.

It doesn't matter. This week's UT-Austin-UT-El Paso game (for some reason Miner fans like to refer to The University as UT-Austin [see: here], as if there were any confusion as to which university/program/team truly represents the state's name) is more of a glorified scrimmage than last week's contest with Florida Atlantic, save for the fact that : (a) this exhibition takes place on the road, and on national TV, and (b) Mike Price's alcohol issues only led to his own downfall, as opposed to derailing a team's entire season, as has been the charge with Howard Schnellenburger's Oklahoma tenure (which again, lasted one season).

Anyway, I had a few good bits to use for this week's theme, but then I read matt's column (see below) and realized that bastard already used all of it.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Texas wins. Mike Price gets drunk. I do, too.

Matt was apparently in my mind this week when developing The Week that Will Be

But in all honestly, he probably put it down on paper is a much less contrived manner.

And I still love this section:

Facebook Status Messages

Bill Byrne commented on Kyle Field’s Wall:

“I was really impressed with the cleanliness of stadium. We work extremely hard in the off-season to power wash and clean Kyle Field, but we still have bat and bird residue reappear no matter how close to game-time we clean. I wish we could find a way to discourage the presence of these creatures, but the bats are a protected mammal in Texas.” Add comment asking Bill what about the pieces of shit on the field!

Stephen McGee and Chris Simms are now friends!

Brandon Collins is wondering how the f*ck some people in the financial aid office receive a paycheck.

Frank Alexander has thrown a knife at you! Throw a knife at Frank Alexander in a Norman bar!

Mike Price is wondering why we scheduled the Buffalo Bills. Wat.

Tatum Bell is now a fan of Gucci Luggage!

Steve Spurrier and Todd Beecher are no longer friends.

Tommy Bowden joined the Looking For D-1 Job group.

The nation is hoping that Chris Wells misses a few weeks so Ohio State will drop a couple of games.

Hurricane Gustav is up in your stadiums, canceling your games.

Georgia and The Coaches Poll are no longer in a relationship.

Phil Fulmer is F MONOPOLY.

Will Muschamp joined the group We Don’t Need No Stinking Band-Aids.

They Said It...

"I think they should be tougher, honestly, one of the other biggest games, like when Texas Tech comes, it's even more packed than the other games, and the crowd is even worse."

-Rachel Serrano, UTEP fan, regarding the tailgate policies school officials have put in place (see: Tailgate Talk, below).

Rachel is also using Facebook to organize an effort that limits standing during game action, and also keeps all vocal support of the Miners to less than 75 decibels.

"I'm hoping for a good game. Hoping." -

-Luke Whitrock, UTEP student, regarding the Miner's chances.

Luke shouldn't get his hopes up for a strong afternoon of tailgating, if laura gets her way.

"The crowd is going to be a major factor in this game. It will be a definite positive for us. It will be so loud that [Texas quarterback] Colt McCoy won't be able to check off at the line of scrimmage. They won't be able to hear him. He probably hasn't experienced this too many times. They've played before loud crowds, but not loud and wild crowds."
-UTEP coach Mike Price

I was in Lincoln on a cold morning in 2006 while Price was evidently sleeping off his mescal hangover (with or without a Juarez whore at his side). It was loud. It was wild. It was the epitome of major college football. I'm not sure what this sonofabitch knows anything about loud or wild, outside of the context of the local donkey show, but it didn't stop him from making himself look like an ass.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"

(Note: "Sir" Rod Walker played RB for the Horns from 1991-1994. He currently chairs a committee seeking to enshrine John Mackovic in the Longhorn Ring of Honor.)

Coming soon...

Stonie's Stone Wall

Coming soon...

(Note: Stonie Clark played DT for the Horns from 1992-1995. He once left a permanent dent in Sooner RB James Allen's torso with a flying body tackle.)

Betcha Didn't Know

El Paso is almost exactly half as far from Austin as is Las Vegas. So… the few Texas fans that don’t blow their celebratory (money) wad on hookers and mescal in Juarez should perhaps entertain the idea of heading west on Sunday instead of east. Southwest has plenty of non-stop flights from Sin City back to Austin on Monday. Pay your fare with your blackjack winnings.

The Things I think About

After reading The Week That Will Be, all I can think about is that damn Marty Robbins song.

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

Good: USC

Not-so-good: the ACC

More tiresome topic: Beanie Wells’ foot or Shawne Merriman’s knee?

From the “Am I the only one who finds it interesting?” department: Georgia has now dropped in the polls after two of their last three victories.

If the AP Poll consisted of only my girlfriend, Georgia would be ranked No. 1 every week. She loves bulldogs.

Remember that time Arkansas State beat Texas A&M?

College Station: Where men are men and the Baylor football team doesn’t feel inferior.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

I'll admit that I know almost nothing about the Miners, short of what I saw in the 45 minutes of Glory Road (before I turned it off; I has already seen Remember the Titans, and I liked Denzel a lot more than Josh Lucas). But I do remember listening to a Longhorns postgame show, circa November 1994, and a caller, when trying to determine whether or not Texas should accept an invitation to the Alamo or Sun Bowl, inquired as to which destination had the better Mexican food.

Two things today stand out to me about that:

(1) I would guess that El Paso leans more toward interior Mexican, while I much prefer Tex-Mex.

(2) Could any Texas fan today imagine debating which of these bowls was more desirable?

Semi-Relevant quote from the movie Tombstone

“Come on boys. We don't want any trouble in here. Not in any language.” That reminds me of a very non-PC joke…

Non-PC Joke of the Week

Q: What do you call a Mexican quarterback? A: El Paso.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

What else would you expect from a post titled: “Call me Crazy”?

We are a long shot to win this game, I realize that. But if you don't have faith, what do you have? I don't think it will be the blowout that everyone is expecting.

I believe! I have faith! That is why we play the game. Go to the game, be loud and proud of your school.

Go to the game? Yes. Be loud? Please. Be Proud? Again, yes.

But be rational. Not Crazy.

Random movie clip that illustrates a massacre just slightly less extreme than what will take place in the Sub Bowl Saturday night

Prediction: I visit Chuy's at some point this weekend for celebratory Tex-Mex

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Florida Atlantic Game

2008-08-26T11:36:00.019-05:00

Week One: No. 11 Texas (0-0) vs. Florida Atlantic (0-0)
Last Season: Texas (10-3; Won Holiday Bowl); Arkansas State (8-5; Won New Orleans Bowl)
Last Meeting: Never Met
All-Time Series: Never Met

Here we go; it's opening week, the Horns are in prime time, and they've got a non-conference showdown in store with a team from Florida that won its conference last year and finished victorious in a bowl game just a few blocks from Bourbon Street.

It sounds like a barnburner... wait, what's that? Texas is playing Florida Atlantic?

zzzzzzz... zzzzzzzzzzzzzz... zzzzzzzzzzzz...

In truth, that's what we all thought last year, right up until the time Arkansas State pulled within eight points late in the game.

FAU is a better team than Arkansas State, and as contradictory as it sounds, that's both good and bad for Texas. The Owls return 20 starters from a squad that captured the Sun Belt title in 2007, including QB Rusty Smith and his 3,688 passing yards. He'll test a Texas secondary that's long on talent but short on experience, and that certainly represents a threat. But with a front seven capable of dominating the Owls at the line of scrimmage, Texas should overcome that relative weakness while gaining valuable game experience for the younger guys.

Florida Atlantic is also coached by a semi-legendary figure that has manged to win quite a few games when he wasn't serving as the punchline for an alcohol-related wisecrack. Before his comments last week, in which he basically called Texas a bunch of pansies, Texas fans (the non "t-shirt" variety) would have best remembered Howard Schnellenberger as the puffy, red-faced, one-time coach of the Oklahoma Sooners, who holds the odd distinction of being the only OU coach never to either defeat, or lose to, the University of Texas. Despite the experience he'll have to leverage, Schnelly's boys won't carry quite the marquee reputation of the squad he led to a 24-24 tie in the Red River Shootout. And with a tie no longer possible, win or lose this weekend, he no doubt hopes to avoid the same post-Texas tailspin that ensued in 1995, when his Sooners limped to a 1-4 finish, thus ending his tenure in Norman.

Owls' AD Craig Angelos may want to keep John Blake's number handy, though, just in case.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

After last year I simply cannot see Texas coming out flat. Florida Atlantic has enough firepower to keep this interesting longer than some fans might like to see, but there are too many factors at play for the owls to pull off an upset:

Renovated DKR: The Horns will run out of the tunnel on Saturday to face the largest crowd to ever see a football game in the state of Texas. There's no way that happens before a loss... again (see: State, Ohio)

Boom MF'er: Coach Muschamp's aggressive defense will hopefully begin to erase the painful memories of the past two season. It'll help that he'll have Sergio Kindle and Rod Muckleroy at his disposal. The junior LBs weren't in the starting lineup a year ago (one due to a suspension, one due to sheer disbelief).

Vince Young: The man that delivered Texas fans all of their hopes and dreams returns to the Forty Acres for the first time in a year on Saturday to see his No. 10 retired. There's no way that happens before a loss... again (see: State, Kansas)

History: Unless FAU blocks three punts, the history books suggest Texas exits the field a winner.

Welcoming back an old friend... The Week that Will Be

Matt (aka HornMafia) has carved out his own little corner of the Interwebs this year, so TWTWB will now reside at Friday Night Tailgates. This week's edition is now up, so go go get fired up for the Horns (and see what's up with some of college football's notbale personalities).

Facebook Status Messages From Around College Football:

Colt McCoy has joined The Village People group.

Rich Rodriguez has left the West Virginia Alumni group.

Mike Sherman has started a Water Balloon Fight. Throw a water balloon at Mike!

Ricky Williams wrote on Major Applewhite’s Wall: “I’m glad you were never my coach.”

Bob Stoops and Josh Jarboe are not in a relationship anymore.

Jim Tressell is hoping his team gets to play Oklahoma in the BCS this year.

Mitch Mustain is LA SUCKS.

They Said It...

We've spent a good part of the summer expanding the package that we kind of toyed with last year. I feel good that we'll have a nice package when we open. It's obvious that John's a playmaker, and we need to find ways to get him the ball.
Greg Davis, on increasing QB John Chiles' role in the offense.

I really hate to think that Texas' offensive success this season depends so much on Greg Davis' package.

"Once we step out on the field with Texas, the only ones who can help us is ourselves. Texas always has a very polished team that has great talent, but they aren’t tough, they aren’t a physically tough team. My defense will get to a point where they will be mean, nasty and ornery bastards and that’s what you need for Texas. Texas will move the ball with tit-for-tat, screens and options, but we’ll make them pay a price whenever they catch one of those dinky passes. We’ll put three hats on them and make them not want to get up, that’s the way to beat Texas."
Howard Schnellenburger

Schnelly tried to backtrack afterward, but per this link his quote is accurate. Rudy Carpenter jawed a little bit about the Horns last December and the Texas Defense responded with a rampage of an effort that ended up earning Samwise Gamgee a nice royalty check come mid-fourth quarter.

"I'm not proud of that moment, and I've stopped swearing since then. Well, I'm working on not swearing. Seriously. I'm not proud of it. How do you go home and explain that to your 6-year-old?"
Texas Defensive Coordinator Will Muschamp, regarding the now infamous sideline display that earned him the moniker "Coach Youtube."

I suppose Coach 'Champ may not have plans to purchase this beauty.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"

Blue 16!!! easy...easy.....Check Red 198!! Red 198!!! Set! Hike!

I hope that we don't hear too much of that.....audibles. I really hope we just play smash mouth football from the jump. Of course if there is an 'obvious' reason to change the play at the line of scrimmage then we should. but no experimenting. just play hard nose football. let them taste OUR Texas heat as the temp rises right before game time. We should wear their 'izzzes' down! (hi coach mackobitch)

After we get them frustrated and fighting with each other on their sideline....once their coaches bicker with one another b/c they can't get a grasp on the different blitzes we'll be throwin' at'em......that's when Gabriel can blow his horn!

That'll be a Ready Break!!!

(Note: "Sir" Rod Walker played RB for the Horns from 1991-1994. He currently chairs a committee seeking to enshrine John Mackovic in the Longhorn Ring of Honor.)

Stonie's Stone Wall

"Yea! It's finally football season. Thank goodness for the Olympic games, or I might have lost my mind trying to find something to watch on TV. I'm excited about seeing what we've got this year. I visited practice and the guys looked kind of small to me out there, but hopefully that means we'll be able to fly to the ball on defense and outrun some folks when we have the ball. I'm dying to see the stadium filled up with the extra seats that Ricky and Vince had so much to do with building. I'm looking for a 38 - 10 victory for the Horns this week to get things started off in the right way. I love Burnt Orange! Hook 'em

(Note: Stonie Clark played DT for the Horns from 1992-1995. He once left a permanent dent in Sooner RB James Allen's torso with a flying body tackle.)

Betcha Didn't Know

Thought I don't know it for a fact, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Texas' inclusion of both Florida Atlantic and Rice this season will make them the first team to play two teams named the Owls in a single season. Let's all be thankful that Bellmont wasn't looking to schedule an additional cupcake in Temple (University, not High School, which as some of you know, is my alma mater).

Edit: Dan In Atlanta noted that I'm wrong about this: "Memphis played both Rice and Fla Atl last season, but the Fla Atl-Memphis game was a bowl, Hawaii played them back-to-back to start the 2004 season."

The Things I think About

Twenty years ago I attended my first game at then-Memorial Stadium. Texas played then-North Texas State University and needed a comeback and a favorable call late in the game to eke out a win. The stadium had astroturf, the playing field (long before it bore Joe Jamail's name) was encircled by a track, and even without upper decks on the east side or north end, thousands of tickets went unsold.

I would have never scoffed in those days at "only" winning ten games.

Things have certainly changed.

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

Nah, not this early.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

Not surprisingly I don't have one, though I have made my fair share of "Howard Schnellengerger is a drunk" wisecracks over the years.

Semi-Relevant quote from the movie Tombstone

You look up and you think, "God made all this and He remembered to make a little speck like me." It's kind of flattering, really.

From Godzillatron on the south end to the new mammoth edifice beyond the north goalposts, Royal-Memorial Stadium has eveolved in recent years to one of the country's largest and most aesthetic college football facilities. The north endzone makes its debut on Saturday, and it should be quite a sight to behold.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Owl fans (and a few non-Owl fans) seem to be united in their feeling that Coach Schnelly's comments were ill-conceived.

Hmmmm, I don't know if he is aware of what he just did. You have just awaken a sleeping giant. Texas will be out for blood after being called soft. Texas has some big mofo's on their squad you can squash any player on FAU. I witnessed it last year at the UCF game. Those guys were huge.

This guy apparently didn't witness Texas' outings against Kansas State and Texas A&M, where they had much more motivation to stomp a proverbial mudhole, yet failed to do so. The carryover from the Holiday Bowl, as well as the presence of "Coach Youtube," should help instill the fire that was absent in those two losses.

Random Texas highlight that has absolutely nothing to do with Florida Atlantic, but did take place just up I-95

Do people still crank that Soulja Boy?

Prediction: Will Muschamp lets an F Bomb slip...

Hook'Em!

The 2008 Texas Longhorns Season Preview

2008-08-25T18:08:00.002-05:00

2007 Record: 10-3 (Won Holiday Bowl)
2008 Preseason Rank: 10 (USA Today/Coaches Poll); 11 (Associated Press)

2007 In Review

A few hours before Texas kicked off its 2007 season against Arkansas State, lowly Appalachian State waltzed into the Big House and upset the Michigan Wolverines. Sure, App State had won the Football Championship Subdivision (nee Division I-AA) the year before, but Michigan had played in the Rose Bowl the previous season, and had come within a hair of reaching the BCS Championship game. None of that mattered when the Mountaineers blocked a potential game-winning field goal to seal an improbable victory.

So when Texas fans breathed a collective sigh of relief that evening, which came only after their Horns recovered an onside kick to squelch a late comeback bid, they could at least rest easy in the knowledge that an eight-point win against an opening weekend cupcake didn't make their team the laughingstock of major college football. Instead it served as a precursor to what ended up as perhaps the craziest season in college football's BCS era.

In a manner reminiscent of 2001, it seemed that no team wanted to play for a national title (see: USC v. Stanford, LSU v. Arkansas, Oklahoma v. Texas Tech, Ohio State v. Illinois, Oregon v. Dennis Dixon's ACL, West Virginia v. Pitt, South Florida v. the second half of the season). And when the season mercifully ended - amidst a storm of controversy - a team with two losses won college football's ultimate prize against a team whose uninspired play gave credence to their detractors' claims that they didn't deserve the shot in the first place.

Texas' chances for a national title ended on a rain-soaked field in late September; their conference title hopes disappeared a week later in the Cotton Bowl. And to add further insult, a Texas A&M squad with a lame duck coach out-everythinged the Horns for three quarters, until a late rally made an eight-point defeat as respectable as possible. In between, the Horns needed thrilling comebacks to down Oklahoma State and Nebraska, and Jamaal Charles' home run threat just slightly edged out the special teams "hands squad" as the Horns' biggest difference-maker.

Despite all of the negatives, Texas managed to re-group and thump Arizona State, co-champions from the Pac-10, the way they weren't able to against titans like Central Florida. Pre-dawn practices and open competition for positions paved the way for the kind of mauling Texas fans expect, right or wrong, every time the Horns step on the field. And when Mack Brown's 10th season at the helm of the Burnt Orange empire concluded, his team had once again won 10 games, yet they also once again fell short of a conference title or BCS berth.

2008 in a Nutshell

Without delving into the tired "re-build v. re-load" discussion, it's safe to say that Texas begins 2008 a year or two away from national title contention. It's certainly possible that a running back emerges to replace Jamaal Charles, one or more of a young stable of wide receivers emerges as a gamebreaker, and the green secondary matures faster than the Westbrook-Thomas-Carter or Griffin-Huff groups that eventually earned well-deserved accolades, but history suggests that one of those happening is tough enough, much less all three.

Then there's the schedule, which removes a cupcake (Iowa State) and two once-stout programs now floundering in mediocrity (Kansas State, who have won two straight against the Horns, and Nebraska) and replaces them with two potential powers (Kansas and Missouri) and one up-and-comer (Colorado, with former-almost-Longhorn Darrel Scott). Throw in Arkansas and a trip to Lubbock and Mack's 10-win mantra becomes a significant accomplishment, as opposed to the eye-roll-inducing byproduct of expanded schedules and watered-down non-conference slates that some Texas fans contend.

With an offensive line that will return all but one starter, and young talent developing in a number of positions, Texas fans can legitimately look at 2008 as the season that builds toward a return to national prominence.

What to Expect in 2008?

For one thing, I promise to finish the season. I also promise to lay off of the political commentary, which should be easy considering I find our two presidential candidates as inspiring as a home game against Baylor, which as it turns out, occurs just a few days after we go to the polls. And in the true political sense, I promise that my promise will be honored just as much as any one that you'll hear from Barack "I promise to give the American people 'hope' and 'change' on everything but my VP selection" Obama, and John" I promise I'm different from George W. Bush on everything but the things I'm exactly the same as him on" McCain.

Expect the same shtick as always, though maybe with a few new sections. I'll even try to make it somewhat interesting and/or funny.

I promise.

The Best Preseason Texas Video I Could Find on Youtube

Hook'Em Horns!

A New Season... A Fresh Start

2008-08-25T12:11:00.002-05:00

We're T-minus five days from the kickoff to the 2008 season of Texas Longhorn football, and I couldn't be more giddy. It's very possible that some of that excitement will wane as the season grinds into mid-November, but we'll try to power through all of that this year and not go AWOL again after 10 games.

I'm hoping to have the 2007 Season Preview posted as early as tonight (though it would be more reasonable to expect it on Tuesday), and the first weekly game preview by Thursday afternoon. In the meantime, feel free to check out four-plus years of rambling, starting with my Texas Football Pedigree (which hasn't been updated in two years).

Texas Football: The Oklahoma State Game

2007-10-31T18:53:00.000-05:00

Week Ten: No. 15 Texas (7-2) vs. Oklahoma State(5-3)
Last Week: Texas 28, Nebraska 25; Oklahoma State 41, Kansas State 39
Last Meeting: Texas 36, Oklahoma State 10 (2006)
All-Time Series: Texas leads, 19-2

I'll be honest... I have very little to say this week.

This has been the strangest season of college football that I can remember, and at this point there is nothing left that can surprise me, especially when it comes to this Texas team. The maelstrom of unbelievable events that have transpired nationwide somewhat masks the mediocrity-turned-potential-greatness-relegated-back-to-mediocrity-highlighted by-potential-superstardom that has transpired on the Forty Acres, but when you think about it Texas' season has been in many ways a microcosmic representation of college football in 2007.

Texas has survived three close games with onside kick recoveries in their final moments; they lost a lopsided game to a team labeled by most as inferior that featured touchdown returns of a punt, kickoff and interception; they stood toe-to-toe with a team believed by most superior, and had an opportunity to win until the very end; And they're 7-2 through nine weeks, and ranked among the nation's fifteen best teams, despite only one win against an oppoenent with a winning record.

Okay...

So what now? I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to think about what I've seen this year. Should I be disappointed? At 7-2 and No. 15? Sure, it could be a sham, but Mack Brown-coached teams often have a tendency to pull together just about the time you dismiss them as underachieving. At the same time I'm not ecstatic that losses in two winnable games are what separates this team from top-ranked Ohio State.

I guess I'm somewhere in between Bill Little, the ultimate sunshine-pumping yes-man, and the the guy (sixth post down) that was so disgusted with the heat and Texas' effort that he left last week's game early, thus missing a historic performance in the fourth quarter. And that's probably not a horrible place to be.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

I don't know. This game has scared me for six months. I have a sinking feeling that the Cowboys are lying in wait, ready to hand us our third loss.

If our coaching staff can make adjustments prior to the fourth quarter then the Horns could add their second win against a team above .500.

According to NCAA 2008...

*yawn*

TWTWB should return this week

Coming soon...

They Said It...

"Media and fan driven negativity really motivates our team better than praise."

- Mack Brown

Mack Brown Rule No. 8592: When the team plays below expectations, or if anyone sees fit to question decision-making, effort or anything else, blame the fans. For all that he does well, I still wonder why Mack Brown feels the need to take out his frustration on the people that pour millions into this program. Sure, there are plenty of douchebags sporting burnt orange these days, but it ain't their fault that it took a Herculean effort in the final fifteen minutes to overcome a three-TD 'dog.

"Oh yeah, I hear them. You can't let that affect you. We're disappointed just as much as they are."

- Colt McCoy, on boo-birds at DKR

Two things: (1) Booing is pretty asinine (2) Colt, if you're disappointed then f'ing do something about it.

"I'm a MAN! I'm 40!"

- Mike Gundy

I don't think I need a link on this one.

The Things I Think About

How many 3.2 beers does it take to get drunk?

Betcha Didn't Know

Mike Gundy is a man. He's 40.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"... and Friends

"Sir Rod" Walker says:

Okay Longhorn lovers...!!!! This is gonna be THE TEST for the Horns! A real test!! This team is known for having the best runnin' backs in the world.....every year! I know. I almost was one. They love to just run up the gut.....(for you ladies..or others who don't know football term)...'up the gut' means 'straight ahead'...right in between the tackles. (it's nothing sexual....not in this context) and they do it well! They will also show a lot of mis-direction plays. They'll make you think they're runnin' one way and will switch directions on you in an instant. Our interior defense has to play smart but grimy, while the secondary needs to stay back b/c they WILL launch one way down the field! They'll suck you in (nothin' sexual.......nor is it crawfish......although tempting) with the run over and over again......then it's bombs away! Offense just needs to execute! enuf said.

THAT'LL BE A 'READY BREAK'!!

hook'em.

Stonie Clark says:

Coming soon...

Tailgate Talk

Eskimo's Joe's is a popular spot in Stillwater. I suppose we'll have to head there, since flying to Oklahoma means we can't transport full-ABV beer with us.

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

OU Still Sucks...

Fifteen Years Ago this Week

(note: 2007 marks the 15-year anniversary of the Temple Wildcats' 1992 5A Div. II Texas State Championship, which came during my sophomore year of high school. I'll re-cap that season throughout the fall.)

Temple destroyed Bryan. I remember this because the Vikings tried an onside kick on the opening kickoff. It didn't work and Temple rolled their way to a 9-1 regular season. Interesting sidenote: Dallas Kimball (who lost in either the first or second round of the playoffs) entered the state playoffs as the No. 1 team in 5A after a narrow win in Week Ten. Had Kimball lost, Temple would have opened the postseason as the state's top team, yet would have technically been the district runner-up, due to a three-way tie in 13-5A with Killeen and Waco.

By the way, the 2007 Wildcats clinched their first fistrcit title in about 107 years last week. Congrats to Coach Monson and his team.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

Eh, two years ago we saw Barry Sanders at some Bricktown bar the night before the game. I wanted to go up and make a crack about the greatness of Emmitt Smith, but he was swamped with adoring sycophants.

Semi-Relevant lyric from a great album by a band I miss a lot

"Too cold to start a fire, I'm burning diesel burning dinosaur bones; I'll take the river down to still water and ride a pack of dogs"

- Soundgarden, Rusty Cage

I don't know what the hell it means, and they sure weren't talking about the home of Oklahoma State University, but damn, that's a great song. I'd love to see it on a future Guitar Hero game.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

I have no desire to visit an Okie State message board.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

Jermichael Finley catches a meaningful pass... we can hope, right?

Random Oklahoma State parody that's funny, though it could have been so much better

Prediction: I get extremely bloated from the 3.2 beer.

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Nebraska Game

2007-10-24T22:32:00.001-05:00

Week Eight: No. 19 Texas (6-2) vs. Nebraska (4-4)
Last Week: Texas 31, Baylor 10; Texas A&M 36, Nebraska 14
Last Meeting: Texas 22, Nebraska 20 (2006)
All-Time Series: Texas leads, 7-4

Eight Years.

Nebraska has not beaten Texas in eight years. Oops... this was last week's theme. Nebraska isn't Baylor. Nevermind...

Before ESPN created a hypothetical tournament that pitted 2005 USC agaist the likes of 22 mini-Ditkas, the All-Madden team, and Caesar's Roman Legions (captained by star tailback Maximus Decimus Meridius), there existed a college football team so dominant that their closest equal could barely stay within five touchdowns of them in the de facto national title game.

This powerhouse beat four top ten teams in all, and their closest margin of victory was a comfortable 14 points. The only disappointment in the entire season came when their star quarterback finished second in the Heisman Trophy balloting. By all accounts it was one of the most remarkable performances in NCAA history.

Twelve years later that once-proud program limps into Austin on the heels of back-to-back losses. Both were blowouts. Both came at home, in a stadium that once saw 47 consecutive visitors leave in defeat. And both were so embarrassing that fans flocked to the exits well before time expired.

The team in question, of course, is Nebraska. Their 2007 season has deteriorated in recent weeks. Despite a 4-1 start, a three-game losing streak has the uskers at .500 now, with losses likely in every remaining game (at # 19 Texas, #9 Kansas, Kansas State, at Colorado). Athletic Director Steve Pederson has already lost his job, and head coach Bill Callahan is almost certainly soon to follow. In short, 2007 marks the nadir of Cornhusker football.

It's sad to see an elite program reduced to also-ran status. Maybe they kind of are Baylor...

But with a tradition of success.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Run the football. I know that Texas' most successful play these days is for Colt McCoy to escape the pocket, buy time, and wait for a WR to find an open spot, but Nebraska has had difficulty stopping the run. This should be a good week to rebuild Jamaal Charles' confidence.

According to NCAA 2008...

Nope.

TWTWB should return this week

Coming soon...

They Said It...

"I really believe that kick was worth a scholarship at Texas. It kept us in the conference race and it kept us in the national race. If he didn't do anything else since he's been here, I would have thought that beating Nebraska at Nebraska was enough to warrant a scholarship."

- Mack Brown

"Who the hell is Bailey?" That's what we all thought last season (for those of us shivering uncontrollably in the stands, it's what we thought once we could think about anything other than the bitter cold). Yet unknown Ryan Bailey trotted onto the near-frozen field, nailed a game-winning chip shot, and -- I'm sure -- got laid every night afterward for the rest of the season. A scholarship had to have been the last thing on Bailey's mind when he drilled that kick. But I agree with mack; it was well deserved.

"We didn't play well last time we were home. We want to give fans a good show."

- Brian Orakpo

If by "good show," Brian, you mean, "ass whooping," then I'm on board.

"I’ve done an excellent job in every area. It’s hard for the media to know, but what we’ve done off the field, and what we’ve done on the field. I think it’s well-documented."

- Bill Callahan

Sure you have, Bill. I'm reminded of an employee review I did recently. The subject chose to look past chronic absenteeism, low quality work, and a sense of entitlement matched only by incredible laziness, and award ratings of "outstanding" or "exceeds expectations" across the board on the self-review portion. I suspect Dr. Tom will choose to excercise more rational judgment, as I did, when it comes time to true up the inflated self-assessment

The Things I Think About

I'd like to see someone create a video showing the career highlights of Derry, Bobino and Killebrew. Imagine "One Shining Moment" blaring out as Bobino bounces off of the FB on a blitz, or Killebrew hits someone three feet out of bounds, or Derry jumps on the pile when a ballcarrier has been down for a few seconds. Matt wants to tailgate graduation ceremonies this May. I think it's a great idea.

Betcha Didn't Know

Nebraskans like to mix their beer with tomato juice, creating a "bloody beer." Yes, it's as disgusting as it sounds. But they love it. If you feel compelled to show a little hospitality this weekend (and you should with these folks) then order them a bloody beer. You're under no obligation to drink one yourself.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"... and Friends

"Sir Rod" Walker says:

Coming soon...

Stonie Clark says:

Coming soon...

Tailgate Talk

This week's menu: corn. Corn on the Cob. Corn Chips. Marie's Creamed Corn (if we're lucky). But under no circumstances will I partake in any "bloody beer." Additionally, we're bringing back an old tradition this week -- the Friday night tailgate. Look for a special appearance by the Sidetrack's band*.

*The Sidetracks band will actually perform at Scholz.

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

It's conceivable that no legitimate undefeated teams remain after this week. At this point I'm rooting for a two-loss team to play in the BSC title game, partly because I think Florida may very well be the nation's top team

Is there a reason that SEC fans are so in love with their conference? I don't understand how these teams can hate each other with such fury, but yet pull together to proclaim their collective greatness.

Les Miles may keep finding ways to win, but he's still horrible.

That said, I do agree with Stewart Mandel that LSU has demonstrated as much, if not more, than Ohio State when it comes to being the best team in the country.

Texas Tech... yep, that's about right.

OU Still Sucks...

Fifteen Years Ago this Week

(note: 2007 marks the 15-year anniversary of the Temple Wildcats' 1992 5A Div. II Texas State Championship, which came during my sophomore year of high school. I'll re-cap that season throughout the fall.)

Temple beat either Killeen Ellison or Copperas Cove. I don't really remember which. No matter, it was a mauling.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

Last year Matt and I, along with his girlfriend and her parents, roadtripped from Austin to Lincoln. The drive wasn't honestly that bad -- at least not "bloody beer" bad. Anyway... we spent Friday evening at Sidetrack's, a Lincoln bar especially popular with the younger crowd. For those familiar with Pete's on Sixth Street, think of Sidetrack's as Pete's, but cruder, and with pitcher upon pitcher of "bloody beer." The tomato juice-infused concotions and terrible bar food aside, Sidetrack's provided plenty of eye candy and ample entertainment, complete with repeated choruses of "Screw the Sooners" from the Sidetrack's band. Yours truly even matched livers with a local in a chugging contest. I lost. What can I say? Midwesterner's can drink beer.

Semi-Relevant lyric from a fellow Texan (who attended Texas Tech)

"I wanna go time travelin' through Texas you and me
I wanna be there, breathe the air and see all I can see
In my Texas time travelin' machine"

- Cory Morrow

Last year Ryan Bailey punched through a field goal in a driving snowstorm. Four years earlier Nate Vasher snared an interception inside his own five. From 1996-99 fans saw James Brown convert fourth and inches, Major Applewhite complete a desparation touchdown heave across his body, and Mike Jones rumble a couple of dozen yards to paydirt. They represent five signature moments in five exhilerating Texas wins over Nebraska. One-sided or not, this Big 12 rivalry has seen its share of magical moments. It's a shame that Bill Callahan's "dead man walking" routine means fans won't likely get to see another storybook ending unfold -- not without a time machine.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Red Reign comments: "Texas shows Nebraska respect"

Of the other 11 teams in the Big 12, Nebraska seems to be the one that Texas fans most admire. Part of that stems, I think, from the fact that prior to the Big 12's formation, Nebraska owned college football. But even moreso, Texas fans remember the class Nebraska displayed in defeat in 1996, the ovation they gave Ricky Williams in 1998, and hospitality they offer everytime Texas makes a trip to Lincoln.

Nebraska fans deserve better than what Bill Callahan has given them.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

Jamaal Charles... okay, nevermind.

Random Texas-Nebraska highlight that hopefully won't need to be repeated on Saturday

It's worth noting that I found three videos of last year's game posted by Husker fans, though I'm not sure why. One even highlighted the score at the end, despite spending more than four minutes making it look like Nebraska dominated Texas.

Prediction: Texas won't need any late-game heroics...

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Baylor Game

2007-10-17T20:18:00.000-05:00

Week Eight: No. 19 Texas (5-2) vs. Baylor (3-4)
Last Week: Texas 56, Iowa State 3; Kansas 58, Baylor 10
Last Meeting: Texas 63, Baylor 31 (2006)
All-Time Series: Texas leads, 70-22-4

Ten Years.

Baylor has not beaten Texas in ten years, and the only thing about that fact that amazes me more that it being a fact, is that is has only been ten years. Look at Texas and look at Baylor and try to make one rational argument as to why a lower tier athletic program like Baylor's could have ever won even twenty percent of its meetings with a power like Texas. Can you do it?

After drubbings of 63-31, 62-0, 44-14, 56-0, 41-0, 49-10, 48-14 and 62-0, it's hard to fathom that a Mack Brown-coached Texas team eked out a meager ten point win against Baylor in 1998, Brown's first year on the Forty Acres. It's even harder to fathom that Baylor actually beat Texas in John Mackovic's final season (okay, maybe that's not so unbelievable), or that from 1984-1992, the Bears posted a 6-3 head-to-head record against the Horns.

But that was the case for a significant portion of my 30 years. Playing Baylor used to mean something. In 1990 it meant ending a six-year Cotton Bowl drought in a win every bit as hard-fought as the Aggie game it preceded. In 1994 it meant clinching another conference title (forget the fact that it was five-way tie for second behind a probation-stricken Texas A&M). And in 1989, 1992 and 1997, it meant embarrasing losses that either kept Texas out of a bowl, or accentuated the fact that they were far too abysmal to even think about postseason play.

Now the Baylor game means an assured win, and in odd years, a chance to go drink beer at George's. Unless you're the Aggies. But that's a different story altogether.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Remember last week when I said that "Texas could start 11 Scott Derrys on defense" and win? Derry could play on offense in this one and Texas should still win. Hell, Texas could start Richard Walton at QB and have at least a 50 percent chance.

According to NCAA 2008...

This section was a bad idea. Or lame. Or both.

TWTWB is temporarily postponed while Matt tends to family business

Best wishes to Matt's dad, Gary!

They Said It...

"The three older linebackers have won a national championship and played really well for us and done some great things."

"There’s nothing on tape that says they should not [play]."

- Mack Brown and Duane Akina, respectively

Brown and Akina make a combined $4M+ per year to coach football, and I make considerably less to do... whatever the hell it is I do. But I have watched game replays solely to focus on the play of our LB corps, and I don't think you have to possess the football acumen of John Madden to see that Scott Derry consistently fails to make plays, or that Rashad Bobino consistenly runs his way directly into a block, or the Robert Killabrew consistently kills his team with, well...

"We couldn't see what happened on the tape. Robert is a really good kid who is an emotional player. But we told him that the official called it a penalty, so it's a penalty."

- Brown

Are you kidding me? The broadcast showed him lying on the ground with his hand firmly affixed to an opposing facemask. Just because he didn't "face rape" anyone doesn't mean he clearly did not commit a penalty.

"We don't know what the school record is for dead-ball penalties, but Robert Killebrew has to rank high on the list. Maybe it's time to change his jersey number to –15."

- The AA-S' "Third and Longhorns" postgame feature

No way. Robert is a really good kid who is an emotional player, and we really need to double check the tape before disparaging the contibution he makes to Texas Football.

The Things I Think About

So I have a wedding to attend Saturday at 5:30. If I stay with friends in Killeen on Friday night I can get to George's tent by 9:00 without having to wake up while it's still dark; I can stay at the game till 2:00, when it should be well in hand; and I can be on the road back to Austin in time to make it home by 4:00. That gives me a solid hour to get ready for the wedding. Now, how many pre-game and halftime beers can I consume without being that drunk guy exhaling Bud Light all over the bridal party?

Betcha Didn't Know

Baylor's Adam Stiles kicked a 28-yard field as time expired in the second quarter of the 2001 Texas-Baylor game, cutting the Horns' lead to 28-10. Texas has not surrendered a point to the Bears in Floyd Casey Stadium in the ten quarters since.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"... and Friends

"Sir Rod" Walker says:

Coming soon...

Stonie Clark says:

Coming soon...

Tailgate Talk

Pat Green enjoy's George's Bar. I settle for George's Tent. The ratio of burnt orange to green compares favorably to the ratio of burnt orange to green in the stands. I list burnt orange first because it's the dominant color in both venues.

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

Me, last week in this space:

"LSU fans are obnoxious. I cannot wait until that team gets beat"

Kentucky 43, LSU 37. Nice.

Oklahoma fans are obnoxious. I cannot wait until that team gets beat.

Boise State and Wake Forest played in BCS bowls a year ago. Boston College and South Florida could play in BCS Bowls three months from now. And people complain about a Rockies-Indians World Series?

A Javorskie Lane guarantee is worth even less than the street value of a ticket to this weekend's Nebraska Texas A&M game.

Half of the Big 12 is currently ranked -- Oklahoma, Mizzou, Kansas, Texas, Texas Tech and Kansas State. So of course that means that Colorado humiliates a Kansas team that actually has to travel more than 80 miles for a game, a rejuvenated Oklahoma State trips up Kansas State, and the loser of Tech-Mizzou plummets, meaning that half of that half finds themselves in the "others receiving votes" section come Sunday afternoon.

Callahan-Franchione. Getcha resume ready!.

OU Still Sucks...

Fifteen Years Ago this Week

(note: 2007 marks the 15-year anniversary of the Temple Wildcats' 1992 5A Div. II Texas State Championship, which came during my sophomore year of high school. I'll re-cap that season throughout the fall.)

Temple beat either Killeen Ellison or Copperas Cove. I don't really remember which. No matter, it was a mauling.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

My girlfriend attended Baylor. Misguided though she was, she owns the coolest Bulldog, who I have to admit looks pretty cool in his Baylor jersey. Sic'em, or somesuch.

Semi-Relevant quotes from The Big Lebowski

"So every time--I just want to understand this, sir-- every time a rug is micturated upon in this fair city, I have to compensate the-- "

- The Big Lebowski (not the dude)

"It's a shame that the Chinaman pissed on your rug, Dude... It really tied the room together."

- Walter Sobchak

"The carpet pissers did this?

- Donny

I know I wore out The Big Lebowski quotes last year, but leave it to a Baptist school to make uriation a topical matter. And when you're looking for quotes about pissing, look no forther than the Coen Brothers' classic. By now everyone has heard about Baylor assistant coach Eric Schnupp, who had a run-in with the law after relieving himself on a Waco bar last weekend. And here I thought lawlessness at Baylor was limited to skinning cats and shooting teammates.

Was that last one too harsh?

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Bayloybear134 wonders: "If we win this saturday will it change your opinion towards Morriss?"

The lunacy of the premise aside (the whole "winning this Saturday"), Baylor fans should simply count their blessings that Guy Morriss isn't Bill Callahan or Dennis Franchione.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

Robert Killabrew gets a personal foul.

Random Texas-Baylor highlight that reinforces my opening paragraph

Before Bo Scaife, David Thomas or Jermichel Finley, there was Pat Fitzgerald...

Prediction: Baylor's home scoreless streak against the Horns ends... in yet another blowout loss.

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Iowa State Game

2007-10-10T20:01:00.000-05:00

Week Seven: No. 23 Texas (4-2) vs. Iowa State (1-5)
Last Week: Oklahoma 28, Texas 21; Texas Tech 42, Iowa State 17
Last Meeting: Texas 37, Iowa State 14 (2006)
All-Time Series: Texas leads, 6-0

You know what I don't get about about Texas fans? Had you asked any of the 80K or so fans exiting Royal-Memorial Stadium after the KSU debacle, few if any of them would have told you they thought Texas had much of a chance to beat Oklahoma. But a week later, after the Horns came up a few plays short of doing just that, the more hyperbolic/reactionary contingent (aka the vast majority) want to scream to anyone who will listen how Texas football has hit rock bottom, or how the Horns will be lucky to play their way into a bowl game not sponsored by Mattress Mac.

Come on, you can't have it both ways.

I know, I know...

"We're Texas."

"Texas doesn't rebuild, they re-load."

"Greg Davis sucks."

Sure, I act like as arrogant and haughty as the next Texas fan, but sometimes you have to face the facts and realize that there are programs equal to yours. Kansas State does not fall into that category, and as the Wildcats proved in a home loss to Kansas last week, Texas had no business losing that game (much less by 20 points). But in hanging until the end with an OU team that even Vegas expected to win comfortably, Texas showed the desire that had been lacking since Lubbock last year.

Does "hanging in there" make it okay that they lost? No, it does not. But maybe it does mean that the Texas we saw in the Cotton Bowl is the real Texas, and that the Texas that half-assed its way to meager wins against the likes of Arkansas State and South Florida is gone for good.

This weekend offers a good opportunity to show that. Stomp a bad Iowa State team on the road like you're supposed to, Horns.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

How bad is Iowa State? They've lost to Toledo, Kent State and Northern Iowa. Texas could start 11 Scott Derrys on defense and Jamaal Charles could spray his gloves with Pam instead of stick'em, and Texas should still win.

According to NCAA 2008...

I'm sick of this section.

Matt hands out the midseason hardware in TWTWB

Shocking early season loss to an unranked opponent. Loss to Oklahoma. Big win over Iowa State, six straight wins to close out the season. That’s what the 2003 Texas team did. After a demoralizing loss to Arkansas at home early in the season, they then got drilled by Oklahoma in Dallas and looked to be a lost duck, sitting at #20 in the polls. But they got it together in Ames, as Cedric Benson ran for 149 yards, Vince Young and Chance Mock combined for 287 yards passing, and Roy Williams even added a 56 yard pass. Iowa State didn’t even score until it was 27-0, and the Longhorns ended up winning that day 40-19.

The Horns followed that game up with a blowout win over Baylor in Waco, beat #12 Nebraska at home (VY had 163 yards rushing in that game), pounded #21 Oklahoma State in Stillwater, needed a Chance Mock miracle pass to beat Texas Tech at home, and then beat the crap out of Texas A&M in College Station.

We won’t mention what happened in San Diego…

The point of all of this is that yes, we are down right now, 4 straight conference losses, blah blah blah. But if the Horns can have more games like last week and fewer Kansas State games (I hate the fact that we have to wonder which team will show up, by the way), there are still attainable goals. Another 10 win season would extend the nation’s longest streak. We owe Texas A&M for what they did last year. A bowl winning streak is still there.

The t-shirt fans might be off the bandwagon, but we’re Texas fans, and we’ll be here long after Mack Brown and staff is gone. Let’s hope we can look upon mid-season 2007 as a source of pride, a time that the team bucked up, finished the season out strong and rode that momentum into 2008.

Who wants to go to New Orleans right now anyways???

Well unfortunately, it appears that we are at roughly the mid-point of the season. [Play Price is Right failed sound here] But rejoice college football fans, because if it is the mid-point of the season, that means that it is time for the third annual HornMafia Mid-Point of the Season Awards.

The Chaps Girl Award (MVP) – Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech

Who the hell else are you going to give it to? John David Booty Booty Booty? Colt Brennan? Jordy Nelson? Ouch. No, we know Tech’s numbers are a result of the system, and yes, he needs to do it against top competition, but Crabtree has 70 catches, 1,074 yards and 17 touchdowns. Through 6 games. We haven’t seen this much scoring since that porn star did 500 dudes in one night. Crabtree is on pace for 151 catches, 2,327 yards and 36 touchdowns.

The Herschel Walker Award (Freshman of the Year) – Michael Crabtree, WR, Texas Tech

Who else? By the way, this week Texas A&M defensive back (allegedly) Danny Gorer said that “(Crabtree) is going to have to bring his A game when he faces Danny Gorer. This reminds me when Hitler said “The United States is going to have to bring it’s A game to beat Adolf Hitler.” Or when Ivan Drago said, “Rocky is going to have to bring it’s A game to beat Ivan Drago.” Or when Javorskie Lane said, “Miami is going to have to bring it’s A game to beat Javorskie Lane.”

The Eric Taylor Award (Coach of the Year) – Jeff Tedford, California

I don’t say Les Miles because I know he’s going to do something in the second half of the season to screw this up, and I don’t want to embarrass myself like that. Jim Tressel at Ohio State is also a nominee, but I have a thing against sweater vests. Boston College and South Florida? Beat somebody besides a watered-down Auburn (I know, they beat Florida) and an overrated West Virginia team and try to not be in a game with Florida Atlantic in the 4th quarter. No, California has beaten a pretty solid Tennessee team and handled an Oregon team that nobody else has this year in their own house. If they can beat Southern Cal at home on November 10th, they might finally get their BCS bowl.

The Jeff Blake Award (Worst Coach of the Year) – Charlie Weis, Notre Dame

Weis won the Coach of the Year award two years ago in this spot, but wow. It took UCLA starting a walk-on quarterback for Notre Dame to notch their first win of the year in October, a game where they only had 140 yards of offense. Perhaps Weis should start videotaping his opponents and trying to pick up some signs, since it is obvious he can’t coach a team to victory. Weis’s biggest “victory” in his tenure at Notre Dame is a “near-loss” against USC. Moral victories didn’t used to fly at Notre Dame. Not that Weis can fly anyhow without buying two seats.

[Drew: This should be "The Rich Kotite Award"]

The Northwestern Award (Surprise of the Year) – South Florida, Kansas (tie)

I made my thoughts on South Florida known above, but you have to give them props for being 5-0 and #5 in the Coaches Poll. We’ll see how good they are in the second half of the season, as they’re not going to sneak up on anyone like they did Auburn. As for Kansas, Jayhawk fans are usually looking forward to March Madness at this time of the year (and probably still are), but they are 5-0 with the meat of the Big 12 schedule ahead of them. Let’s hope Mark Mangino doesn’t eat it.

The Michigan Award (Disappointment of the Year) – Louisville

Don’t ask me how I can name an award after somebody and then not give it to them, but at least Michigan seems to have righted the ship and has a chance at the Big 10 title. Louisville, on the other hand, looked to have an inside track to the national championship game with the only team they lost to in 2006, Rutgers, at home. But an early trip-up against Kentucky led to a shocking loss against Syracuse and a just silly loss to Utah at home. Now the Cardinals are just struggling to get bowl eligible with their toughest games (@ Cincinnati, @ West Virginia, @ South Florida and Rutgers) still ahead of them. Brian Brohm might want to pull a Billy Donovan and get a do-over.

The Quincy Carter Award (Hyped freshman turns into crap) – Bobby Reid, QB, Oklahoma State

The guy threw for 2,200 yards last year, with 24 touchdowns and 11 interceptions, also ran for another 500 yards. Oklahoma State looked poised to have one of the nation’s most feared offenses in 2007 with Reid, Adarius Bowman and D’Juan Woods (who was injured before the first snap). But Reid struggled against Georgia, was pulled against Florida Atlantic, and then sparked a huge controversy that left Mike Gundy the star of Coors Light parodies on the Internet. But he does have a personal assistant to feed him food, so he’s got that going for him.

The Let’s Make it Look Like 2002 Award – Texas A&M

The Aggies managed to make Miami look like the Miami of old when they went into the OB for a Thursday night match-up that they lost 34-17 in a game that wasn’t that close. Miami followed that up with a lackluster win over Duke and then lost to dreadful North Carolina. If only it was 2002, then Dennis Franchione could turn down the chance to do the VIP Connection e-mail which will end up getting him fired.

The Witness Protection Award – The 2007 Heisman Favorites

From John David Booty to Colt Brennan to Steve Slaton and Patrick White, nobody seems to want the damn thing. Darren McFadden might end up winning the thing and Arkansas will probably struggle to a .500 record.

The Drunken Tailgater Award – UTWiz (Jeremy)

For the third straight year, UTWiz has now won this award. In 2005 it was for his classic performance in guarding the keg during the Colorado game, in 2006 it was for falling in the creek during the Ohio State game, but in 2007 Jeremy took it up a notch and tried to get the crowd amped while watching the game at the tailgate, was reportedly only talking in Ticket drops, ruined a nice pair of Ray-Bans, was doing barefoot laps in the rained-filled parking lot and finally grabbed an old man’s ass in the parking garage.

The Tim Donaghy Award – USC losing to Stanford

USC loses to Stanford, which had lost by 38 points to Arizona State, by 24 to Oregon and by 28 to UCLA…alert Vegas.

The Play of the Year Award – LSU’s fake field goal against South Carolina

Pretty. Or as they say in the South, “puuuuurty”.

The He’s So Old We Can’t Really Say Anything Award – Joe Paterno

Paterno makes it a record 20th straight year winning this award, most recently for his road rage incident this month. Paterno reportedly dressed down a couple and then drove away before the police arrived. Police were said to be looking for a black Model-T with license plate “3”.

The Why Don’t I Just Throw Money Out The Window Award – Tommy Blake, TCU

Blake, who many said would be a first round draft pick in next April’s NFL Draft, has now been put on medical leave by the Horned Frogs, reportedly after an “altercation” with coach Gary Patterson. It is not known at press time if Tommy Blake’s mentor at TCU is Barrett Robbins.

Biggest Game of the Second Half – USC @ California November 10th

Without a conference championship game, this is it. Cal can finally win the Pac 10 title (if they don’t trip up before then), while USC might be able to work their way back into the national title hunt with an impressive win. Cal might need style points if they have to jump Ohio State for the BCS championship.

They Said It...

"I don't remember his name, but I remember that tall, white linebacker with the long hair. He hit me really hard on the first play of the game." "

- Iowa State WR Todd Blythe , recalling last year's Texas-ISU game

Folks, I said Iowa State is bad. Need more proof?

"Before the press conference, I went by every locker and told everybody that if we play like that we've got a chance to win out. I told them that again Sunday after watching the tape."

- Greg Davis

You'll get no argument from me. And while I'm at it, that was a well-called game, Mr. Davis. I still think we can stand to get more imaginative on offense, but Davis' gameplan was good enough to beat Oklahoma. And unless Mack Brown's org chart is as incoherent as a John Jenkins play diagram, Davis can't be faulted for continuing to sit Rod Muckleroy, Jared Norton and Sergio Kindle on the sidelines in favor of those other guys.

"I'm hurting my team."

- Jamaal Charles on his fumbles the last few weeks.

Yes, Jamaal, you are. But then again you've helped your team plenty of times in two-plus seasons of carrying the ball. I like the idea of getting Vondrell McGee more involved in the offense, but Jamaal Charles brings far too much talent and quickness to this team to be banished to the gulags. Hold on to the rock and keep finding your way to the endzone.

The Things I Think About

Does everywhere now have wi-fi? On the way to Dallas I stopped at Schlotzky's in Waco for lunch. They have wi-fi. On the way home I stopped at Hooter's in Waco, also for lunch, and they have wi-fi. It makes sense for a sports bar, or the equivalent, to provide wireless, lest they lose potential customers that can't watch the NFL without following their fantasy teams (I'm one of these people, by the way...). But why does Schlotzky's need it? And if everyone is going to provide wi-fi, then can't they also increase the number of outlets?

The Things I Think About II

If only Jamaal Charles held on to the ball the way Phil Pozderac used to hold on to opposing jerseys, we'd be in the driver's seat for the Big 12 South title. No, it's not a thought unique to me, but why, so many years later, do I still automatically associate the word "hold" with the spareness of Pozderac?

Betcha Didn't Know

Iowa State is the only Big 12 team to have never defeated Texas. Don't worry, unless Pete Carroll replaced Gene Chizik this week, I could not have possibly jinxed the Horns.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"... and Friends

"Sir Rod" Walker says:

Coming soon...

Stonie Clark says:

Coming soon...

Tailgate Talk

I don't know about a tailgate, but I'll be enjoying the Horns in HD from the comfort of my home for the first time this season.

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

LSU fans are obnoxious. I cannot wait until that team gets beat.

I remember the days when "Upset Saturday" was meaningful, meaning it didn't happen every single Saturday.

Javorskie Lane "guaranteed" a win against Texas Tech this week. Until I read that I hadn't realized that 14 years have passed since the Aggies last won in Lubbock. It's not going to happen this year, either, as the Dennis Frachione era will (sadly) begin a farewell tour with a a Red Raider beatdown.

Speaking of A&M's biggest rival, the Mike Vick-themed Revielle t-shirts made me feel bad for laughing. 12th Man magazine didn't miss the mark when they labeled the Red Raiders "classless clowns," but that doesn't mean that the Aggies don't bring this stuff upon themselves.

Missouri-Oklahoma... Oklahoma plays both offense and defense, so the Tigers won't have it quite as easy as they did last week against Nebraska. But Mizzou has a chance to make a statement against an OU team that could be a little deflated after a harder-than-expected victory against Texas.

OU Still Sucks...

Fifteen Years Ago this Week

(note: 2007 marks the 15-year anniversary of the Temple Wildcats' 1992 5A Div. II Texas State Championship, which came during my sophomore year of high school. I'll re-cap that season throughout the fall.)

Wildcat QB Adrian Woodson made exactly one mistake in his senior season. Deep in Temple terriroty, Woodson looked over the Killeen defense, called for an audible and ran a perfectly executed option pitch. The problem? His running back wasn't anywhere near the pitch. Killeen recovered the ball in the Temple endzone for the touchdown that ultimately doomed the cats to their only loss of the season. Temple had one last opportunity, but a late TD came back on a holding call. Fifteen years later I still have never seen anything that resembled holding on the play, but the bitterness subsided years ago. After all, Temple still claimed the state title, and a year later the cats bounced Killeen from the quarterfinal round of the state playoffs. 42-0. Suck it, Killeen.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

Ricky Williams rushed for a school record 350 yards against Iowa State en route to the 1998 Heisman Trophy and the NCAA career rushing record. Many hours (and beers) after the game, Matt and I stumbled upon the replay, and I quickly popped in a tape so that I record a historic event. Nine years later I have yet to watch that tape.

Semi-Relevant Song Lyric from, well, the same guys I quote almost every week

"People lined up to see the Titanic sinking; Instead we rose from the ashes like a phoenix"

- Kanye West f/ Jay-Z Diamonds from Sierra (remix)

I listened to this song Friday morning on the way to an abbreviated day of work, and seriously, it made me think Texas could beat Oklahoma. Even though they didn't, I couldn't help thinking about the lyic as I traversed the fairgrounds after the loss. Thousand filed into the Cotton Bowl expecting to see the bell toll for the Texas Longhorns' 2007 season. Instead they saw a team play with the kind of determination that had been absent for some time. Maybe a phoenix rising is a dramatic way of looking at it, but Texas isn't dead after all.

Bonus Semi-Relevant Song Lyric from a band that's probably never been quoted in a football column

"If I pretended I was blind, and struck it from my mind, would it still be there?"

- Pop-punkers Face to Face, Blind

I heard that on the way home today and thought about Mack Brown trying to convince himself that he's making the right decision in playing "the other guys" at linebacker.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Cyclonefan4life asks: How freaking dumb are IOWA fans?

I thought they were dumb at the Alamo Bowl. Matt told me a story about some pissed-off Iowa fan after the game, who felt it cathartic to rail on how poorly Texas played. The Texas fans within earshot spontaneously launched into a unison of: "Six and Sev-en, clap clap clap-clap-clap."

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

Jamaal Charles doesn't fumble.

Random Texas-Iowa State highlight from a different sport that would be a lot cooler if it had sound

Prediction: I doze off at some point during a Texas blowout

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Oklahoma Game

2007-10-02T20:19:00.000-05:00

Week Six: No. 17 Texas (4-1) vs. No. 10 Oklahoma (4-1)
Last Week: Kansas State 41, Texas 21; Colorado 27, Oklahoma 24
Last Meeting: Texas 28, Oklahoma 10 (2006)
All-Time Series: Texas leads, 57-39-5

I'm not going to lie; last week felt like crap. It's a good thing Mack Brown owns Bob Stoops*.

*The past two years.

Quoting "This Week's Game in a Nutshell" From Last Week's Game

More Muckleroy and Norton; less Derry and Killebrew. More throwing down the
field; less throwing bubble screens and hitches. More mixing it up on offense;
less time spent on page one of the playbook.

Last year Texas fell prey
to a confluence of emotion (or lack thereof) and bad breaks. It's unlikely to
happen again.

Or maybe it was destined to happen again, being that Kansas State is to Texas as Texas is to Nebraska.

Take nothing away from KSU, but until Saturday Texas had never surrended a returned kickoff, punt and interception for touchdowns... in the same season, much less the same game. The Wildcat offense did very little after the first drive until the game was out of hand. Credit Ron Prince for having his team ready to play (there was a reason Texas didn't throw down the field outside of a handful of times, and it wasn't simply the result of a Greg Davis gameplan); but don't overlook the fact that KSU beat Texas on the strength of a confluence of events that had never transpired in more than one hundred years of history.

According to NCAA 2008...

Oklahoma 24, Texas 6. The Horns amass a meager 17 yards rushing in a defensive game. Oklahoma's first-half punt return for a TD helps create a deficit that Texas cannot overcome.

A Very Special Look Back through TWTWB, Past and Present

Instead of posting just this week's TWTWB, I'm digging deep into the archives for snippets of past Red River Rivalry editions. If only they were plastered all over Bellmont Hall...

2007

Saturday afternoon was the perfect storm of a team that was vastly un-prepared to play, some bad breaks, a team struggling to replace experience and another team that wanted to show that last year wasn’t a fluke and they can play with the big boys. What we were left with was a stadium that sounded more like a failed comedian at the Apollo as fans showed their dissatisfaction for this coaching staff than the usual pre-OU game “BEAT OU” chants.

So how do you bounce back?

Easily. You be a man. Grow up and have some pride in your work. People do it across this great country of ours every single day of the week, I don’t think it’s asking too much for our football team to do the same in the span of a week.

...

On Saturday afternoon, in the shadow of a giant Ferris Wheel, in a stadium where national championships were solidified for this program, amidst the smell of corn dogs and cotton candy and beneath the clatter of screams from the Midway, you’re going to face one pissed off Oklahoma team that lost last week. We’ll hear the little cannons from the Ruf Necks and hear Boomer Sooner 1,000 times.

They’ll come out of their locker room into the infamous tunnel, talk trash to you, run to their sidelines, and then they’ll come out and hit you squarely in the mouth.

Will you hit them back, Longhorns?

Phoenix or San Antonio. Your choice. Plan it. Dream it. Do it.

Please.

2006

This isn’t Vince Young’s team anymore. I hope everyone took what they learned last year and built a good foundation, but this is Jamaal Charles’ team. This is Selvin Young’s team. This is Limas Sweed’s team. This is Kasey Studdard’s team. This is Tim Crowder’s team. This is Brian Robison’s team. This is Michael Griffin’s team. This is Colt McCoy’s team.

Superman is gone. It’s time for the Legion of Super Heroes to save the day.

...

James Brown. Butch Hadnot. Stoney Clark. Johnny Walker. Peter Gardere. Keith & Kerry Cash. Bubba Jacques.

They all found their identity in this game, because this game is larger than Ohio State at home. It’s larger than a meaningless Rose Bowl victory over Michigan. This is bigger than the Horseshoe at night.

It’s Texas/OU at the State Fair of Texas.

2005

There will be a lot of noise when Texas descends the ramp from the locker room to the Cotton Bowl field on Saturday afternoon. Insults will be hurled, boos will come down and profanities will be plentiful.

But VY won't hear them. He'll be too busy singing to himself and getting his team ready. They have a game to win and a streak to end.

And come Sunday morning the Cotton Bowl stands will be empty and the stadium quiet.

Just like the Longhorns critics.

2004

The Week.

Ask any Texas fan, and they know what you are talking about. Well, once you tell them that you aren't talking about The Week That Will Be.

Texas/OU. A lot of Texas fans will tell you that this week is like Christmas to them, perhaps even better. Because instead of whip family gatherings, listening to the same stories from your aunt and your uncle ask what exactly it is again you do for a living, you get to have someone in your face calling you a cocksucker and waving an inverted school sign in your face.

Ahhhhh yes.

They Said It...

"'We're not scared"

- Colt McCoy

I like seeing that from Colt, even if his brain may still be a little scrambled from last weekend. But it's not surprising. You can look up and down the Longhorn roster and not find a guy that epitomizes courage more than Texas' scrappy signal-caller. If the "we" in his statement includes Mack Brown and Greg Davis then don't count out Texas on Saturday.

"We're focused"

- Quan Cosby

Better late than never, if true.

"If I have to get to the quarterback 10 million times to help my team, that’s what I’ll do."

- Brian Orakpo, who returns this week from a knee injury suffered against Arkansas State.

Don't underestimate the impact Orakpo can have on this game. Our DEs have played very well in his absence, but to beat Oklahoma, Texas is going to need to make plays on defense. The Horns forced zero turnovers against KSU, and if Orakpo can get to Sam Bradford "10 million times" (or even three or four) then maybe he can rush Bradford into the mistake that turns into a game-changing play for Texas.

The Things I Think About

Austin-area TigerMarts offer free coffee on Monday mornings after a Longhorn win. The fine print states that this promotion will end on December 31, 2007. That's probably not a big deal, since Texas likely won't play in a New Year's (or later) Bowl this year anyway.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"... and Friends

"Sir Rod" Walker says:

HUDDLE THE HELL UP!!! This is NOT Rice! This is not Texas State! This is not the Cleveland Browns! This is OKLAHOMA!! What the hell is a Sooner? (never mind...probably something similiar to an aggie) NOW... Like we 'always' say in the locker room... you can throw out the records, the coaches, AND last years film b/c when these two teams get together... oh what a time!!! There will be bells rung (that means someone will get the HELL knocked out of them), snot flyin'... (as a result to bell being rung)... helments rollin' around... (due to a few scuffles)... which means penalty after penalty... SO WHAT!!! That's why we play the game! Stop tryna be cute TEXAS and just line up and play smash mouth football! Run a regular 'I' formation w/a fullback and a tailback. InVINCEable isn't here anymore. Stop trying to have a throwin' Q.B. run so much. No one is scared if Colt keeps the ball and runs with it. There's no threat there! Get back to the basics. By the way... if we compared the 1990-94 team to this year's team... we'd kick their ass. They play soooo soft now!! Leave the air conditioned facilites to the NFL... get in the heat... to avoid defeat! MAN THE HELL UP!!! and.....HOOK'EM!!

Stonie Clark says:

As a 17 year old freshman, I remember guys like Lance Gunn and Peter Gardere standing up in the locker room talking about how big a rivalry Oklahoma was for 'us'. They talked about fans throwing things at you and spitting on you. Little old ladies talking like sailors and giving the horns down sign two inches from your face. I remember thinking, "I just want to play some football. Make a name for myself and these rivalries belong to the school, not me."

By my junior year at UT, I was as much a part of this rivalry game in my heart and soul as any Longhorn before me and was about to become associated with it for the rest of my life.

1994. Cotton Bowl. Red River Rivalry. 17-10 Texas. 4th and Goal. Ball on the Texas 1 yard line. I had heard the stories of Peter the Great. Cash, with the one handed touchdown catch. Bubba Jacques scooping up a fumble and returning it for a touchdown in a tight TX-OU game. When the center snapped the ball, their line zone blocked right. It was we refer to as a misdirection play. I was able to see Thompson handing the ball to James Allen on a statue of liberty play. Immediately I changed direction and headed toward the ball carrier. My teammate, Robert Reed had forced James Allen back inside and as he reached for the endzone, I hit him. It was a trainwreck. That God for making me a train. I rolled about 340 at the time and being run over was never a concern of mine. In some of the pictues of the play, my feet were actually in the endzone when I made contact. The hit was pure and the celebration started.

Cotton Spryer. Peter the Great. Bubba Jacques. Kerry Cash... Stonie Clark.

We all see Oklahoma has some vulnerabilities, and hopefully this week our coaching staff was able to identify some of those and put together a game plan that puts our guys in a position to win. That's all that can really be asked of the coaching staff. The rest has to be the guys wanting to be great. Wanting to be remembered. Have they dreamed and visualized making plays in this game? Do they want it so badly that the tears stream from their faces as they walk down the tunnel? Are they screaming inside because of the liquid fire running through their veins and up their spine? Folks, I save exaggerations for more important things like penis size and what age I actually was when I started losing my hair. This is real. This is TX-OU.

Tailgate Talk

In lieu of a tailgate we'll be meeting at Big Tex's right boot. Or not. The Texas Exes tent opens at 10:30 am, and for our group, the Old Mill Inn is a Texas-OU mainstay. I can't wait to drink a beer out of a wax paper cup and down a Fletcher's Corny Dog or three.

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

So much for "Showdown Saturday."

I concur with CNNSI's Stewart Mandel on the over-use of "upset" in college football. Either parity reigns supreme or every win by a lower-ranked team is an upset. You can't have both.

LSU has about 35 times more talent than Oklahoma State had at any time during his era, but I cannot fathom any universe in which a Les Miles-coached team runs the table. If and when the Tigers drop a conference game this regular season people will blather on and on about the difficulty level of playing in the SEC. But don't discount the "Miles Effect."

Go Gators! (sort of)

USF fans should curl their fingers when they do their hand sign. NC State knows enough to vary the Hook'em sign just enough to avoid being blantant thieves.

NCAA football graduation rates are on the rise. Ten bucks says that someone out there cares about this. Okay, maybe five bucks (and no more than a quarter if we're talking about fans of the literacy-challenged SEC). I couldn't care less, and *my* team actually has academic requirements for athletes.

OU Still Sucks...

Fifteen Years Ago this Week

(note: 2007 marks the 15-year anniversary of the Temple Wildcats' 1992 5A Div. II Texas State Championship, which came during my sophomore year of high school. I'll re-cap that season throughout the fall.)

Danger, Will Robinson. Temple blows a 21-0 lead when their collective three-deep at RB develop the worst case of fumble-itis this side of Richard Walton. Waco High's Lions, long a thorn in the Wildcats' side, close the gap to seven and march deep into Temple territory in the game's final minute. Just as the Lions appear to have dashed Temple's perfect season (Waco coach Johnny Tusa later said he intended to kick the extra point and settle for the tie), a fourth down run off tackle sees the ballcarrier slip and fall less than a yard from the end zone. Temple survives with a 21-14 win and a 1-0 record in district play.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

Prior to the 65-13 debacle in 2003, Matt and I joined our tailgate group for the first and only time at Dallas' Starlight Lounge, a seedy dive bar several blocks from Fair Park. Arriving at 7 am for cheap beer and debauchery before the game had become a tradition, of sorts. After the loss, Texas' fourth consecutive aginst OU, that tradition went the way of Bonfire, but without the self-righteous posturing. I learned this week that my friend and former roommate Robbi's lone trip to the Starlight came the day of OU's 63-14 thrasing of Texas in 2000. The thought then occurred to me... if you place any trust in the collective wisdom of the masses, which contend that Texas has absolutely no chance to exit the Cotton Bowl with anything better than another 40+ point loss, then perhaps we should venture back there for $1 Pearl Lights and whatever reverse mojo we can muster.

Semi-Relevant Song Lyric that Takes Back a Few Years

"Uh, now what y'all know bout them Texas boys, Comin' down in candied toys, smokin' weed and talkin' noise"

- Jay-Z Big Pimpin' (actual lyric spoken by Pimp C)

I read this lyric and all I can think of is how much Texas misses Ramonce Taylor, who would have been a senior bound for the NFL this year had he not been such a knucklehead. Ramonce's leaping TD grab in the first quarter of 2005's Red River Rivalry is when Texas fans knew that five years of misery would indeed die an overdue death.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

The gang at SoonerFans.Com has penned five pages worth of Japanese poetry about the Red River Rivalry. I would have expected to find the Limereck as the literary style of choice among Sooner State poets.

Some posts are funny:

Colt is on the ground
Mack is out of bail money
Sooners roll again

Topical... not too sophomoric...

Sooners will bounce back
Horns will leave early this year
I will tear your sack

I'm still trying to forget that story, but it's original...

Marijuana-fueled
Longhorns terrorize Austin:
Incarceration

Hold on... a five-syllable word on SoonerFans.Com? Impressive.

Straight outta Austin:
Crazy felons named Longhorns
Who suck at football

Hmmm... it's going downhill now...

But this is just sad:

I'm not sure what a Haikus is supposed to look like (even after a wikipedia search) but I'm pretty sure this is teh winnar!

*sigh*

I really hope that's just some sort of SoonerFans.Com inside joke (ala "SpiderAg" on HornFans.Com), and not a serious post.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

I keep having this thought that Texas shocks the nation and me and my friends "Crank that Soulja Boy" back at the Old Mill Inn afterward.

Random Texas-OU pregame video that features two guys I really miss

Prediction: Beer in wax paper cups, corny dogs dripping with mustard, and a bunch of white folks crankin' the Soulja Boy at the Old Mill Inn after the game!

Bonus Prediction: Win or lose, OU STILL SUCKS!
Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Kansas State Game

2007-09-26T19:30:00.000-05:00

Week Five: No. 7 Texas (4-0) vs. Kansas State (2-1)
Last Week: Texas 58, Rice 14; Kansas State (bye)
Last Meeting: Kansas State 45, Texas 42 (2006)
All-Time Series: Texas leads, 5-4

I'm not going to lie; last week felt good. It would be folly to read too much into the Horns' 58-14 win against Rice, but for the first time all season Texas came out and played like Texas.

So what now?

This team still has a bevy of questions to answer, and unless their bizarre 4-0 start has been the product of a cunning ruse, meant to instill a false sense of confidence in our neighbors north of the Red River, then fans have every right to continue feeling a slight bit of unease.

But watching Colt throw downfield, Limas outrun coverage, Vondrell McGee show flashes of brilliance, and a trio of young linebackers swarm to the ball, sure made it seem like this team does have a shot in hell to pull off a third straight win against Oklahoma.

First things first: Kansas State will serve as a litmus test for the Horns. They need to win another convincing game headed into OU. Can they do it?

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

More Muckleroy and Norton; less Derry and Killebrew. More throwing down the field; less throwing bubble screens and hitches. More mixing it up on offense; less time spent on page one of the playbook.

Last year Texas fell prey to a confluence of emotion (or lack thereof) and bad breaks. It's unlikely to happen again.

According to NCAA 2008...

Texas 20, Kansas State 7. I'll take it.

Matt's theme in this week's TWTWB fits this site's motif like a stack of hundreds in the hand of a Capo...

What we learned last week: We learned that Michael Hart is a horse and may very well lead Michigan to the Big 10 title, which will only lead to more heartache for Michigan fans…We learned that prior to last week, LSU kicker Colt David’s 15 yard touchdown run on a fake field goal would have been the longest run from scrimmage for Notre Dame this year…We learned that Oklahoma State coach Mike Gundy is an idiot, and before the season starts you can mark Mike Leach and Texas Tech down for one loss that comes out of nowhere, and THAT is why they will never even play for the Big 12 title…We learned that Jovorskie Lane shows more aggression towards the waterboy than on the field, that Dennis Franchione was the biggest fraud outside of Enron in this state, that A&M fans are real classy and will vandalize their starting quarterback’s car when they don’t win a football game, and that Martellus Bennett obviously should have followed Gus Hansen to LSU…We learned that it is indeed possible to have a lead on Oklahoma this year and perhaps the other 118 teams should bother showing up the rest of the season…And finally, we learned that Texas can indeed push a lesser team around the field and that John Chiles could probably start for the Chicago Bears on Sunday.

Anyhow…

He had taken the Jones Beach Causeway, as always, because it was usually deserted this time of night, at this time of year, and he could speed recklessly until he hit the parkways on the other side. And even there traffic would be light. The release of driving very fast would help dissipate what he knew was a dangerous tension. He had already left his bodyguard’s car far behind.

The causeway was badly lit, there was not a single car. Far ahead he saw the white cone of the manned tollbooth.

There were other tollbooths beside it but they were staffed only during the day, for heavier traffic. Sonny started braking the Buick and at the same time searched his pockets for change. He had none. He reached for his wallet, flipped it open with one hand and fingered out a bill. He came within the arcade of the light and he saw to his mild surprise a car in the tollbooth slot blocking it, the driver obviously asking for some directions from the toll taker. Sonny honked his horn and the other car obediently rolled through to let his car slide into the slot.

Sonny handed the toll taker the dollar bill and waited for his change. He was in a hurry now too close to the window. The Atlantic Ocean air had chilled the whole car. But the toll taker was fumbling with his change; the dumb son of a bitch dropped it. Head and body disappeared as the toll man stooped down in his booth to pick up the money.

At that moment Sonny noticed the other car had not kept going but had parked a few feet ahead, still blocking his way. At that same moment his lateral vision caught sight of another man in the darkened tollbooth to his right. But he did not have time to think about that because two men came out of the car parked in front and walked toward him. The toll collector still had not appeared. And then in the fraction of a second before anything actually happened, Santino Corleone knew he was a dead man. And in that moment his mind was lucid, drained of all violence, as if the hidden fear finally real and present had purified him.

Even so, his huge body in a reflex for life crashed against the Buick door, bursting its lock. The man in the darkened tollbooth opened fire and the shots caught Sonny Corleone in the head and neck as his massive frame spilled out of the car. The two men in front held up their guns now, the man in the darkened tollbooth cut his fire, and Sonny’s body sprawled on the asphalt with the legs still partly inside. The two men each fired shots into Sonny’s body, then kicked him in the face to disfigure his features even more, to show a mark made by a more personal human power.

And later…

”Sonny’s dead, they got him at the Jones Beach toll,” his bodyguard would tell Tom Hagen on the phone.

You might as well have called all of your friends at 10:42 PM on November 11, 2006 and told them, “The Longhorns are dead, they got ‘em in Manhattan, Kansas.” Because for all intents and purposes, the loss to the Wildcats that night sent the 2006 Texas team spiraling down a chasm from which they seem to have only recently emerged.

The Longhorns were riding high into that game, having won 8 games in a row since their loss to #1 Ohio State in early September in Austin. With continued success and a couple of breaks here and there, Mack Brown’s team stood within striking distance of working their way into a rematch with Ohio State in Glendale, AZ for the national championship.

The KSU game started out promising, too. Freshman sensation Colt McCoy led the Longhorns on a 14 play, 80 yard drive to open the ballgame, but on a 4th and Goal situation from the half-foot line, the call from the booth was a QB sneak, which got into the end zone but left McCoy out of the game with a neck stinger injury that would prove fatal to the Texas season.

It was all Kansas State after that, as freshman QB Josh Freeman threw for 269 yards and 3 touchdowns and the Wildcats ran more trick plays than the entire Boise State playbook on their way to a 45-42 win.

McCoy tried to play the next game against Texas A&M, but was wildly ineffective. The Texas rhythm was completely gone, and they lost that day too, 12-7, their first loss to the Aggies since 1999. A lackluster win over Iowa in the Alamo Bowl left the Longhorns at 10-3 for the year, a record most teams would gladly take, but left the Horns knowing they were better than that.

Like the death of Sonny Corleone, the loss to K-State was a major setback.

In the Mario Puzo classic The Godfather, the Corleone family comes under attack after they refuse to grant the financial and political backing to the drug kingpin Virgil ‘The Turk’ Sollozzo, who is working with the Tattaglia family to bring narcotics to the northeast portion of the United States. Don Corleone is shot, but he survives in a weakened state, leaving oldest son Santino Corleone as the family’s boss. But when Santino’s sister Connie calls him telling him that her husband Carlo Rizzi has beaten her yet again, this sends Sonny into a rage, and he leaves to beat Rizzi senseless. Little does he know, however, that it is all a set-up, as Rizzi has tipped off the other families that Sonny Corleone will be on his way to his house...

That evening Don Tommasino returned and took Michael aside. News had come from America, he said. News that it grieved him to tell.

Santino Corleone had been killed.

In order to bring his son Michael home safely, Don Corleone made peace with the other families, and Michael was allowed to return and became the de facto head of the family.

The Corleone family was weakened, however, with other families taking business interests away from them, their political ties said to be faltering, and the fact that Michael had been a civilian most of his life. On top of that, the Corleone family had never avenged the death of Sonny Corleone.

Yet.

After the death of Don Corleone to a heart attack, and during the Confirmation into the Catholic Church (at least in the movie) of Michael’s nephew, Corleone had the leaders of the other four families assassinated, along with Vegas typhoon Moe Greene and his brother-in-law Carlo Rizzi, in order to settle old family debts.

You have to answer for Santino, Carlo.

I’m pretty sure that the Barzini and Tattaglia families didn’t tear down the tollbooths after the death of Sonny Corleone, but Kansas State fans sure did after the final seconds ticked off the clock last November.

You can argue among yourselves who best represents whom in this analogy (although Ron Prince is most definitely Bruno Tattaglia), but the fact of the matter is that even if you think the match-ups on either side are a toss-up (which they are not), even if you think Kansas State is building a fine program in Prince’s second year (which they are), and even if you think Texas this year best resembles The Longhorn Mafia more than the Corleones, you have to admit that the Longhorns have the one intangible that keeps a team focused no matter who they play the next week or how they’ve played in recent weeks.

Revenge.

Many fans and members of the national media have already written off the Longhorns this year, citing their slow start to the season as a weakened team that might be able to spend Christmas in San Diego if they are lucky. Others say they are too young and don’t have the experience required to make a late season run.

And yes, the Longhorns have certainly helped dig that hole of perception, but a convincing win on Saturday will erase the demons of last year and give the team confidence heading into the much celebrated match-up with Oklahoma.

On Saturday afternoon, in the “church” that all Longhorn fans hold dear, when the intro starts playing and the smoke starts blowing, when Texas Fight starts blaring and the burnt-orange clad Longhorns (get it, Godfather fans?) run down the tunnel, pre-season expectations will go out the window and the national media will be shut-out of mind. Yes, winning will be the first priority, but also, remember this:

It’s time to settle all Family business.

They Said It...

"I think you know who Freeman is now you jack ass... over ranked!!!"

- LM Blog Commenter Jim T, after KSU beat Texas last season.

I italicized "after" because Mr. T evidently lacked the wherewithal to retort with such vehement defiance prior to the game. And I'm confused as to whether or not he felt compelled to label me over ranked [sic] or the Horns

Who is Freeman, by the way?

- "They’re real vulnerable right now. I wouldn’t really mind playing them this week because I don’t think they’re playing very good football."

- KSU LB Justin Rowland, 9/19/07

They weren't. Now they are. I commend Rowland for having the wherewithal to call out the Horns with vehement defiance prior to the game... before the game. I'm of the belief that if it takes two-bit trash talk like this to stir your adrenaline then you have no business playing for The University of Texas, but that doesn't make the comment any less asinine. Why take the chance to awaken the proverbial sleeping giant?

"Last year's loss isn't about this team. I'm sure some players use revenge. If somebody wants to stay mad over last year, that's their deal. And some will. But that's not my deal ... I really feel like if guys can't get excited about playing in the opening conference game, they shouldn't be playing anyway."

- Mack Brown

Texas has played down the revenge angle all week, and why not? The Horns could hang a Rice-like beating on K-State and it wouldn't change what happened a year ago. Move on.

The Things I Think About

By Saturday evening Texas will have played, and hopefully defeated, two teams -- TCU and Kansas State -- whose primary color is purple. Of the other two major college teams that sport purple -- LSU and Northwestern -- which is more likely to face the Horns later this season? LSU could find their way to the Cotton Bowl, a potential Texas destination, if the SEC proves as brutal as advertised. Or they could continue to maul opponents en route to a BCS appearance. Most Texas fans would scoff at a potenital Horns-Tigers match-up in that setting. Meanwhile, the other Wildcats sit at 2-2, and by my count they have only three winnable games remaining (Minnesota, at Eastern Michigan, Indiana). They'd have to pull the upset against Michigan, Iowa or Illinois to become bowl eligible.

The odds of Texas playing a third purple team, in other words, look bleak.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"... and Friends

"Sir Rod" Walker says:

Hey! Quiet in the Huddle! Listen up... last week's win was great! Not from the standpoint of execution, but it IS a morale booster and confidence builder. With those two alone, one could think he's superman! that's how i hope these Horns feel.......just like superman! Football isn't about just being fast and quick though. You MUST have technique. You can be strong like superman, but if someone has better technique.... super is no more. So we must be smart about this game. It can't look like we have flaws. Our next opponent needs to be shakin' in their cleats after this game!!!! We need to blow these guys out early in the first half! Now buckle you chin straps tight... keep your head on a swivel....and kill any Wildcats you see! READY, BREAK!!!!

Stoney Clark says:

Coming soon...

Tailgate Talk

It's going to be hot. Damn hot. And we're not going to serve any wildcat meat. Look for a potential discussion about assorted hijinks from the Mackovic era.

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

Is it advantageous for Big East teams to consistently play on Thursday and Friday night, or does it just highlight the league's second-tier status?

I'm not sure if this t-shirt is an indictment of how low Miami has sunk, or if it's just a hillarious snipe at our brethren in College Station.

"Kentucky" and "No. 14"? It seems too low for a basketball poll and incongruous in every sense with a football poll

See above... replace "Kentucky" with Cincinnati," and "No. 14" with "No. 24."

When did USC get a monopoly on Saturday primetime games?

OU Still Sucks...

Fifteen Years Ago this Week

(note: 2007 marks the 15-year anniversary of the Temple Wildcats' 1992 5A Div. II Texas State Championship, which came during my sophomore year of high school. I'll re-cap that season throughout the fall.)

Temple finished a perfect 5-0 non-district slate with a 49-7 shellacking over Tyler Lee. Nothing of note occurred in a game that Temple led 42-0 at the half. Ho-Hum... almost one-third of the way to the state title.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

Last year I watched Texas-Kansas State at Ringer's sports bar in Austin. It reminded me why I hate watching Texas games outside of the stadium or someone's home. After the game my friends and I decided to get rip-roaring hammered. I remember very few details from the end of the game until I woke up the next morning. And I'd like to forget all of them.

Semi-Relevant Movie quote from a football movie about a team that used to matter

"No one comes into our house and pushes us around."

- Coach Dan Devine, Rudy

Though Texas lost two home games in both 2006 and 1999, Mack Brown-coached Texas teams have not had consecutive seasons that featured home losses. Either that's a stat that could fall by the wayside in 2007, or Texas fans should feel the comfort of history on their side when Kansas State visits on saturday (and when Nebraska and Texas Tech visit later this seson).

I'm giving everyone a reprieve from kanye, Jay-Z and Fitty this week.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Come on Texas fans...

you guys have a fine team, but do you really think you terrify anybody??

I am sure our coaches are very worried, as they are for any game....mainly because coaches OUGHT to worry about every game....even teams like Arky St.

As for a fan being worried??? I have seen the Horns and Mack way to many times to think that we don't have a chance. You might say that scoreboard last year was because of Colt getting hurt...ok...who's to say he won't get hurt again?? I promise you he will get hit hard a few times...

With that said, UT has done nothing all that special under Mack Brown except with Vince Young (who indeed was a stud) and outside of that...get your tails handed to you by Bob Stoops and thus not win the South almost every year.

Let's get this straight....I HATE ou WITH A PASSION. I cheer against them in every game and in every sport and I cheer just as hard for the Horns during the RRS as I do for my Cats...but come on....

Are your memories THAT short???

I dislike Stoops as much as you do and he was one of our own...however, if the cards had been played differently and Stoops would have ended up at UT. Let's just say you wouldn't have had to rely on VY's talent to win you one NC and he would be the best thing since "sliced bread". You would have won multiple NCs during the past few years (even without VY)....IMHO.

In closing...should you win in Austin?? Sure.

Is there any indication it will be a blowout?? No.

Good luck and no matter what happens vs. KSU....PLEASE, PLEASE find some miraculous way to beat ou. IF Mack can do that this year, I will be the first one to come to your board and proclaim him a GREAT coach.

I don't see me making that post anytime soon....but, I would love to be wrong.

*yawn*

Folks, Mack's main goal next weekend is to make sure that "ksucatinokc" posts a mea culpa.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

Colt McCoy runs a QB sneak that doesn't result in him leaving the game.

Random KSU video that makes me hope I don't look like this when I play Guitar Hero with the blinds open

Prediction: Texas fans celebrate a victory with a rousing chorus of "Beat OU!"

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Rice Game

2007-09-19T19:45:00.000-05:00

Week Four: No. 6 Texas (3-0) vs. Rice (0-3)
Last Week: Texas 35, UCF 32; Texas Tech 59, Rice 24
Last Meeting: Texas 52, Rice 7 (2006)
All-Time Series: Texas leads, 67-21-1

Another week, another less-than-impressive performance... After three games I think there are three ways to look at this season:

1. "Gloom and Doom"

Texas has more arrests and/or suspensions since opening camp than wins. The offense has sputtered for as many quarters as they've clicked. Colt McCoy is either in a sophomore slump or he's still feeling the effects of last season's neck stinger. Jamaal Charles continues to fumble, almost nullifying the fact that he's proven himself the best guy on the field when the offense has the ball. Longhorn linebackers still have a ways to go to match the productivity of the Tyson King-led units of the mid-90s. While Texas ekes out wins against seemingly inferior opponents, the boys in Norman have disposed of opponents with the kind of ease that Texas did in 2005.

2. "Silver Lining"

Despite their struggles Texas is still 3-0. The secondary, much maligned in 2006, has now stymied two consecutive opponents. Nate Jones has emerged as a playmaker in Billy Pittman's absence, making opponents pay for double-teaming Limas Sweed. Jamaal Charles has eclipsed the 100-yard mark in all three games, despite running behind a banged-up, inexperienced line. Oklahoma hasn't really played anyone, anyway. No Texas players have been charged with armed robbery and double homicide.

3. "Completely Delusional"

Well, Ohio State won a national title with close wins over crappy teams, too.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Rice is horrible. If Texas does not come out and stomp them from the opening kickoff then take your life savings and put every single penny on OU to cover in two weeks. Hell, parlay it with the over and make a 250 percent profit.

According to NCAA 2008...

It's a blowout. The Texas offense rolls up 400 yards to the Owls' 65, in a 41-0 pounding. Life needs to imitate video games. Cedric Golden, from the AA-S, concurs.

Matt visits the football mailbag in this week's TWTWB...

What we learned last week: We learned that either Tennessee is really, really bad and Fulmer will be sent packing later in the year, or Florida is vastly underrated and Tebow will have TWO big breasted women on his arms soon…We learned that Nick Saban likes to score 21 points in the first quarter and have a commanding lead, and then allow 21 points in the 4th quarter at HOME to COMPLETELY screw me and others out of money, er, satisfaction of being correct…We learned that although Tyrone Willingham’s Washington program has made some progress, they don’t have the athletes to hang with the big boys and sure can’t overcome 3 interceptions…We learned that Boston College might be the most underrated team in college football, armed with a senior quarterback who throws for 435 yards against an outstanding defense and a rushing defense that ranks 4th in the country. With nothing but patsies from now until a late October match-up with Virginia Tech, watch out…We learned that USC has an offensive line that makes holes big enough to run an entire fleet of trucks through it. Sure they allowed some junk yardage late, but they made it clear the road to the national title goes through South Central Los Angeles (yikes)…We learned that (sigh) hopefully the golf games of Texas alums were much better than the team last week. But we did learn that Texas might have the best onside kick return unit in the country.

So we’ve got that going for us.

Anyhow…

This week we dive into the old mailbag. Please remember that these might not be actual letters from actual readers. They might in fact be complete fabrications dreamed up in between the 20 spam MySpace friend requests I have received in the past two days.

Excuse me sir, is IBM hiring?

C. Weis
South Bend, Indiana

Sorry, not sure your fat ass could get in under the insurance plan.

It really is amazing how bad Notre Dame is when they’ve had how many good-great recruiting classes in recent years? Does Weis owe his entire legacy to Bill Belichick and his video camera? Certainly would explain his and Romeo Crennel’s complete failures as head coaches (F you Cleveland, $1 bet to anyone out there they don’t score 50 points in the next four games).

Or perhaps Weis just needs to put his ego aside and realize that coaching in the NFL and coaching college football is completely different and adjust accordingly. I think Pete Carroll might be able to help you out.

Why the hell did I go for 2 last week, up by 11 with a little over three minutes left in the game?

M. Brown
Austin, TX

I have no idea, good sir, that is an outstanding question. Perhaps you felt the need to win over pollsters with a rousing 36-32 win over Central Florida. Or perhaps you wanted to honor Lamarr Houston for his outstanding work with the Austin Children’s Hospital or perhaps you wanted to give walk-on Kendal Carrillo a chest bump all the way from Orlando. Perhaps you had money on the Over. Perhaps you had 6-4 in the Athletic Department’s weekly Squares pot. Or perhaps you just forgot the score.

How do we get back on the winning track?

G. Patterson
Fort Worth, TX

Make up “Beat SMU” t-shirts?

Was it really that bad last week against USC?

B. Callahan
Lincoln, NE

Um, yeah. Your DL looked like those little plastic guys on the old electronic vibrating football game who would get pushed all the way to the edge of the field. I think one of your DL ordered a hot dog from the concession stand since he was already over there. Another had to prove he was part of the football team once he was pushed down the ramp and out the gate.

Hello Mr. Craig, we hope you enjoyed your recent stay at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas, Nevada. Any feedback that you have would be greatly appreciated. We use these comments to make the stay for our guests as enjoyable as possible.

Caesar’s Palace Management
Las Vegas, NV

Do not EVER, under any circumstances, get rid of the Pussycat Dolls Casino. I’m serious. It’s the most genius idea ever. Just help a brother out and offer a couple of lower denomination tables. There is a reason my ass is stuck in the original tower overlooking other rooms (although the girl changing clothes across the way was a plus). And please, don’t ever let me bet on the Cincinnati Bengals or New Orleans Saints again. Use your face recognition software for good and not evil and keep me away from those teams. And why can’t you help a brother out again and offer some free drinks in the sports book? I’ve seen the Travel Channel, I know your ass ain’t broke.

What do you make of the Longhorns recent problems with the law?

K. Bohls
Austin, TX

I just like to pretend we’re all just fans of Texas in NCAA 2008 and somebody has all of their budget in recruiting and training and 0% going to discipline. Although I’m getting damn tired of Lee Corso saying the same f’ing thing 4 times in a quarter.

What do you think of Texas’s chances in the Red River Rivalry this year?

K. Sherrington
Dallas, TX

Let’s just say this. I hope four people get hit by a bus every morning when I wake up: 1.) Osama bin Laden; 2.) Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt; and 3.) Sam Bradford.

My best odds are probably with Bradford, since the boy looks dumber than a sack of rocks and there aren’t many busses on the Afghan/Pakistan border with all four tires. And of course I couldn’t be so lucky to get Spencer Pratt out of this world.

There is a lot of football to be played, but since the Longhorns season opener hasn’t been held yet, I really think it’s unfair to think they’ll be up for a big game in two short weeks.

They Said It...

“"Why do our safeties hate Pythagoras?"

- Henry James, live blogging the UCF game on Barking Carnival .

My 6th grade math teacher, Dr. Coburn, would have loved that one.

"Neither [Mack] Brown nor his players should be let off the hook, because they're looking soft on the field and may be doing hard time off it."

- Kirk Bohls, on Texas' slew of legal troubles

What a cute pun. You're better than cheesy hyperbole, Kirk.

"I'm responsible for making all the final decisions on football at The University of Texas, and it's obvious that I need to be more accountable and do a better job.."

- Mack Brown, on Texas' slew of legal troubles.

Brown said exactly what needed to be said. Sure, we all wish that he would vocalize that level of accountability for what happens on the field, but wins and losses are only part of the equation. I don't believe that Brown's spiels on character and "winning with good kids" are lip service. He wants to win with integrity, and the actions he's taken this year have shown sincerity in that effort.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"... and Friends

"Sir Rod" Walker says:

Coming soon...

Stoney Clark says:

Coming soon...

Tailgate Talk

It's going to be hot. Damn hot. And we're not going to serve any owl meat. Look for a potential discussion about the worst QB in Texas history: Shannon Kelly or Mark Murdoch.

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

I cannot in good conscience cheer for a guy in Razorback red, but Darren McFadden certainly would look good in Cowboys blue and silver next year.

Has any coach since John Mackovic consistently teased a fanbase with greatness, only to consistently dash their optimism, as much as UCLA's Karl Dorrell?

Way to go, Sylvester Croom! Hopefully that win against Auburn marks a turning point.

So much for USC preparing for a fight in Lincoln... It's hard to say which national title contender has had the most impressive win thus far: USC over Nebraska? Florida over Tennessee? LSU over Virginia Tech?

Louisville over Kentucky? Oops... nevermind. Maybe they should have played it on Thursday night.

OU Still Sucks...

Fifteen Years Ago this Week

(note: 2007 marks the 15-year anniversary of the Temple Wildcats' 1992 5A Div. II Texas State Championship, which came during my sophomore year of high school. I'll re-cap that season throughout the fall.)

Temple not only had the opportunity to face both defending 5A state champions in 1992 (Permian and Killeen), they also met the other eventual 5A state champ, Converse Judson. The week four encounter took place Judson's Rocket Stadium, where the home team hadn't lost in almost ten years. The streak didn't reach a full decade. Temple couldn't bottle up All State RB Jerrod Douglas, who churned out more than 250 yards on the ground, but a big third quarter turned a double-digit deficit into a comfortable 37-21 win for No. 1 Temple. The message on Temple's pregame run-through sign said it all: "You're just another stepping stone."

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

My first encounter with the Longhorn Hellraisers came during the '95 Texas-Rice game. One of them kept shouting with the utmost gusto at Rice LB Larry Izzo, calling him a "trash-talkin' dog." That was the best he come up with, based on the number of times he yelled it. After a while I felt genuinely uncomfortable that the guy continued to embarrass himself in such a manner. Over Larry Izzo, of all people. The Longhorn Hellraisers, folks... at least back then I suppose they didn't do that cringe-worthy dance to "The Wabash Cannonball."

Semi-Relevant Song Lyric from a Rapper whose work (like Texas'?) was more impressive a few years ago

"I do what I want, I don't care if I get caught. The DA can play this mothaf---in' tape in court."

- 50 Cent, "Heat"

Well hopefully this won't be so semi-relevant by season's end. I should probably confess, by the way, that I named two of my three fantasy football teams "Mack Brown's Bail Bonds." The one good thing about the continues scrapes with Johnny law is that it keeps my team names fresh and topical.

Bonus Semi-Relevant Quote from a TV show that Bill Simmons is crusading to save.

"Every man at some point in his life is going to lose a battle. He's going to fight, and he's going to lose. But what makes him a man is that in the midst of that battle, he does not lose himself."

- Coach Eric Taylor, Friday Night Lights.

If we look past the unrealistic expectations that plague our fanbase, we will all realize that this team is going to lose a game this season (and most likely every season). I think what I expect to see, along with every rational fan, is a team that represents itself with pride each week, and with an effort becoming of the adulation and fervor of its fanbase. Texas fans didn't see that in weeks one or three. If that's the case in week six then Mack Brown and company deserve whatever criticism they receive.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

This section will have to hibernate for a week, while we await a game with an opponent that has a message board worth quoting.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

A Texas LB makes a meaningful tackle. We're really setting our sights low, huh?

Random highlights that are best enjoyed with the computer's sound down and something more upbeat playing on your iPod.

Prediction: Rice fans leave DKR wishing they still had Todd Graham and Major Applewhite on staff.

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The UCF Game

2007-09-11T19:48:00.000-05:00

Week Three: No. 6 Texas (2-0) vs. Central Florida (1-0)
Last Season: Did not play
Last Meeting: Never Met
All-Time Series: Never Met

M-I-C... K-E-Y... M-O-U-S-E...

Aside from some fans' characterization of Texas Tech's backyard offense, America's favorite rodent rarely crosses over into football conversations.

It did happen once, when Rice's M.O.B. played the Mickey Mouse March in lieu of the Aggie War Hymn during their "Farewell to the SWC" halftime show against Texas in 1995. And then of course there was last Saturday, when Texas' second-half demolition of TCU caused an elated Mack Brown to scream, "we're goin' to Disneyworld!"

Okay, not really.

Brown's rejuvenated Texas Longhorns did [coachspeak] take care of business [/coachspeak], though, and now they'll venture away from Royal-Memorial Stadium this weekend for a road clash with the University of Central Florida in beautiful Orlando, Fla., no more than a Colt McCoy-to-Nate Jones post pattern away from the Magic Kingdom.

That doesn't mean that the Longhorns view this weekend as a vacation (see: "They Said It," below), especially in light of recent history. Rubbing shoulders with Mickey and the gang has probably become passe for a Texas program that took in Disneyland before taking out Michigan and USC in back-to-back trips out west. And this weekend's contest won't quite match the paegantry of the Rose Bowl.

At least it won't for Texas fans (see: "Rational/Deluded Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board," below).

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Texas has played one complete half of football in its first two games. But in outscoring TCU 34-3 in the second half the Horns finally showed the level of football that expected of them this season. Still, it would not surprise me to see the Horns mired in a close game on Saturday, at least for a while, due to two factors: (1) Talented RB Kevin Smith, who impressed with 218 yards against NC State, and (2) the adrenaline factor from a team opening a brand new on-campus stadium.

Texas rolls into Bright House Networks Stadium as the very first opponent to face UCF there. If they can contain Smith and force QB Kevin Israel to win the game, then Texas will likely leave Bright House Networks Stadium as the very first opponent to beat UCF there. Even the amped-up crowd will have a hard time fazing a Longhorn team that simply has too many weapons.

According to NCAA 2008...

A late defensive stand preserves a 21-14 Texas win. The Longhorn D sacks Israel four times, but a tipped pass on 3rd and long finds its way into the hands of a Knight WR, continuing a drive that reaches the Longhorn 19 before ending on downs. Would Texas fans find satisfaction in a seven point win?

Matt chimes in with a Vegas theme and a lot of inside jokes in the Week Three TWTWB...

What we learned last week: We learned that even if Notre Dame is a 20 point underdog, take the other team, you would have won the last 4 games…Virginia Tech’s defense might be good enough to stop the pathetic offenses in the ACC (At week’s end the ACC had 4 offenses at or worst than 109th in the country), but they have nothing on LSU, of course not many teams do…Hail to the (sometimes) Victors, just about 353 days until the 2008 season starts, Michigan!....It’s a little harder to run the ball against Wake Forest than it is Nevada, Nebraska. You’ll have to score more than that to be in the same stadium as your opponent this weekend…Randy Shannon, you really, really have your work cut out for you. The Hurricanes are barely even a tropical depression at this point…You have 12 quarters of football before Dallas, Longhorns. Let’s make them count a hell of a lot better than the first 6.

Anyhow…

This week we get our annual chat with Roxy Roxborough, bookmaker at the LM Hotel and Casino in Las Vegas, Nevada.

Hey Roxy, how are you? You know were coming out there to visit you this weekend, right?

What? Really? (Whispers under his breath to somebody in the room: Get those girls out of here, tell them to take their letterman jackets with them). That’s great, HornMafia! We’ll be ready for ya!

So what are your thoughts on the young season?

Well, I can’t really tell you because the whole just getting out of rehab thing, but from what my DVR was able to hold, it looks like it’s a two horse race between LSU and South Florida.

South Florida?

Yeah man, did you see their game last week against Auburn? You don’t go into the SEC and win at night, homey!

But Roxy, it was one game and Auburn is pretty average this year.

Are you doubting me, HornMafia? You watch out for Matt Grothe. He’s a Heisman lock for this year.

Just like the Baylor quarterback a couple of years ago and Michigan State defensive lineman Otis Wiley last year?

I was a drunk bastard last year. Now I’m clean.

Yeah, no wonder our sports book has been in the red for the past 6 years.

Is that a shot at me you little bastard? It wasn’t the gambling losses that killed us. It was Isabella Soprano at the Bunny Ranch taking all of our winnings.

Sigh. Okay, what are the Longhorns’ chances this year?

Ah man, between the bicep flexing, Jordan Shipley dying in the off-season, Sergio Kindle and Henry Melton playing Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie and Colt McCoy looking like he’s been with Isabella Soprano more than I have, they’re done.

Done? Don’t you think you’re being a little hard on them, especially McCoy? And Shipley isn’t dead, he just tweaked a hamstring.

DO YOU WANT THIS JOB, HORNMAFIA?

I’m sorry, Roxy.

Nah, seriously? Do you want this job? Do you think its easy setting lines on a bunch of roided up freaks? Do you think it is easy keeping the feds off the trail? Do you think it is easy burying hookers out in the desert?

What???

Gas prices, man! It takes forever to drive out there, and the hot weather just sucks it up.

Stop. I don’t want to hear it. Did you go to the VMAs last week?

Yup. Sure did. Had backstage passes. Tried to slip a little GHB in Britney’s drink but that bitch is so hopped up on everything else all it did was make her tired and lethargic. Then I was playing dominoes with Kanye West and I won and he started bitching at me and throwing shit around. Took my picture with The Hills girls. Grabbed Audrina’s ass, she didn’t appreciate that very much. Told Rhianna that her song was highly annoying, her bodyguard didn’t appreciate that very much. So they kicked me out of backstage and I made my way to the front. Told Kid Rock that Tommy Lee said he had a small weiner. Then I ended up playing blackjack with Justin Timberlake all night and woke up the next morning in the Playboy Suite at The Palms next to that chick from The Pussycat Dolls with nothing on but a Larry Bird jersey and a half-smoked pack of Menthols by my side.

Wow. Just wow. Okay Roxy, let’s wrap this up, any “unique” odds on the board this week at the LM Casino?

Oh yeah, of course.

- Odds that Drew and Pope end up at The Bunny Ranch this weekend: 100 to 1
- Odds that Bucharest could tell them the fastest route: 2 to 1
- Odds that Lloyd Carr wins Coach of the Year: 1,000,000 to 1
- Odds that Sam Bradford can find South Carolina on the map: 50 to 1
- Odds that Lou Holtz goes to the hospital on the air this year: 3 to 1
- Odds that Iowa State wins a game this year: 50 to 1
- Odds that Gene Chizik uses more than 2 formations: 75 to 1
- Odds that the week before the OU game more than 50% of Longhorn fans will convince themselves that Arkansas State could go to the BCS: 2 to 1
- Odds that SMU gives up the most passing yards in collegiate history: 2 to 1

- O/U on how many wins Lavorskie Lane gets to flash the Horns Down after: 5
- O/U on how many A&M fans are secretly going to wish they didn’t beat Texas last year by the end of the 2007 season: a bunch
- O/U on how many beers the LM can put away at Canary Hut: 52
- O/U on how many wax paper cup beers the LM can put away at the State Fair: 72
- O/U on how many tailgates EUnit makes this year: No Line
- O/U on number of mayors doing shots at the LMFZ tailgate: 1
- O/U on how many spy movies are in Bill Belichick’s Top 5: 5
- O/U on how many players suffer year ending injuries on HornMafia’s two fantasy football teams: 3
- O/U on how many trips to rehab Lindsey Lohan makes in 2008: 3
- O/U on how many trips Sam Bradford makes to Big Red Imports in 2007: twice a month

They Said It...

“I do think it’s the best crowd since we’ve been at the University of Texas.”

- Mack Brown, on the 84,000+ at DKR-Memorial Stadium last week.

Um, Mack... You've hosted Top 10 teams in Texas A&M (1998), Nebraska (1999) Ohio State (2005) and Texas Tech (2005). I attended each of those games, and if it seemed like the crowd on saturday equaled any of those, it's because the previous week's crowd made it seem raucous, by comparison. With that said, Texas fans did help create a boisterous effort to rally the team in the second half. Mack may just feel bad about that "suicide watch" quip from a week ago.

"We were hunting and pecking until we could find something that worked."

- Texas Offensive Coordinator Greg Davis

I would say something here, but UT blogger Henry James already said it: "And there it is. Davis gives us a name for his offense. Steve Spurrier has the Fun ‘n Gun. Greg Davis has the Hunt ‘n Peck."

"It's a business trip."

- Frank Okam, describing the Horns' weekend excursion to Orlando, Fla.

Yep.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"... and Friends

"Sir Rod" Walker says:

The play is comin' in from the sidelines... we have cameras everywhere thanks to the New England Patriots video staff... let's hear what Sir Rod has to say... HUDDLE UP!!!

Although I've never played in the state of Florida... I HAVE been there on many college football excursions. One Word, Two Syllables, 'ROW-DY'! I don't care who you are! You can be Florida's lil' league football team, 'the Mini-Marlins' vs. Florida State... the Florida State fans will try to MOB those little kids. They just don't give a dolphins nose, or whatever it is. Anywho... all i'm sayin' is... new stadium... sold out game... only a speck of orange in the stands... AWWW THE HELL WIT IT... WE GONE KICK THEIR ISSSSISS!!!! (Thank coach "Wackovik" for that 'dirty word'). ...readyyyy BREAK!

Stoney Clark says:

I hope all you Horn fans had a great week after the victory over the Horned Frogs. I capitalized the H and F out of respect for the fight they put up on Saturday and to show some respect for the 'ol Southwest Conference.

When I signed a free-agent contract to play for Tampa Bay in 1996, my roommate was a defensive end from UCF and we were both fighting for spots on the team. To get away from the stress and worry of training camp, we took a drive to his old college campus and spent the day there with some of his old teammamtes. I recall Orlando being a beautiful place, and thinking we had things a lot better on the 40acres than those guys had it there.

I expect Texas to arrive back at Austin Bergstrom Intl. 3-0 after a tough game against UCF. Texas being 2-0 is great, but it also means UCF has two game tapes to break down and find the weaknesses in UT's secondary and along the interior lines. For some reason it seems like we're rebuilding, and 3-0 is a hell of a record for a rebuilding year.

Tailgate Talk

I'm not sure where Texas fans intend to congregate this weekend, but I'll join them in spirit from the Caesar's Palace sportsbook in lovely Las Vegas, Nev. A quick of review of the TCU tailgate shows that: (a) frog legs really don't taste like chicken (b) Texas in September is still unbearably hot, and (c) Austin has a pretty damn cool (jello-shot imbibing) mayor.

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

Michigan and Notre Dame battle to see which team can avoid a 3-0 start. Does that exemplify parity or parody in college football? Or am I just reaching to make a bad pun?

Let me get this straight... Texas wins by eight against Arkansas State and drops three spots in the polls. Texas A&M blows a double-digit lead against Fresno State, ekes out a 2-point win in TRIPLE OT, and JUMPS to No. 18?

Florida State visits Boulder to take on the Buffs. Five years ago this would have been a pretty solid game. Now it's a half-step better than Michigan-Notre Dame

Tennessee-Florida on Saturday... Meh. Give me Tennessee-Indy on Sunday

I'm sure that no one expects Nebraska to cover 10.5 points against USC, much less win outright. But as someone that has made the trip to Lincoln twice in the last five years, and seen Nebraska take superior Texas teams to the wire both times, I say this: Get ready for a fight. The Huskers' have seen one opponent come to town since 1991 and leave with a double-digit win (Kansas State, 38-9, in 2001).

OU Still Sucks...

Fifteen Years Ago this Week

(note: 2007 marks the 15-year anniversary of the Temple Wildcats' 1992 5A Div. II Texas State Championship, which came during my sophomore year of high school. I'll re-cap that season throughout the fall.)

Temple 56, San Angelo Central 28. You know, there's not a lot in San Angelo.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

It's hard to have a personal anecdote about an opponent you've never played. Hell, I've never even been to Florida. My friend Candace did spend a semster working at Disney World, thought, where she "sold plush toys, and told kids to have a magical f---ing day."

Semi-Relevant Song Lyric from a Rapper that's just plain Goofy (sorry)

"Bow in the presence of greatness, you should be honored by my lateness; That I
would even show up to this fake shit, so go ahead, go nuts, go ape shit"

- Kanye West, "Stronger"

We're Texas.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

UCF fans debate: Which is bigger: Texas game or '05 C-USA champ game?

SadUCF Knight answers, "I think Texas, hands down..." His fellow Knight fans seem to agree. Well, Mack, there you go... your team has the bullseye. Now respond.

By the way... on the first page of their board I saw five tailgating-related threads. I almost wish I were headed to Orlando instead of Vegas. Almost.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

Greg Davis runs a Mickey Mouse offense at some point.

Sorry.

Random highlight that has absolutely nothing to do with Texas-UCF, but was more a more enticing recollection of Texas against a Florida team than highlights from the 1991 Cotton Bowl

Prediction: The Knights have to wait at least another week to walk out of Bright House Networks Stadioum victorious.

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The TCU Game

2007-09-03T15:38:00.000-05:00

Week Two: No. 7 Texas (1-0) vs. No. 19 TCU (1-0)
Last Season: Did not play
Last Meeting: Texas 27, TCU 19 -- 1995
All-Time Series: Texas leads 60-20-1

There's a great little "dive" -- Adair's -- located on the fringe of Dallas' Deep Ellum bar district. It sells canned beer, has a great shuffleboard table, and as I recall, a pretty solid jukebox. If you've ever been there and sat along the back wall, just around the corner from the bar, you may have noticed the following, scrawled among all the other graffiti covering the red and pink brick:

Nov. 7, 1992 TCU 23, Texas 14.

Texas fans became accustomed to John Mackovic's ability to take a ranked Texas team on the road and lose to an unranked conference foe, and that disturbing trend began with TCU in 1992. In the fifteen years since, Texas and TCU have faced each other just three times -- all Texas wins -- and John Mackovic's presence on the Forty Acres has long since vanished. So why do I mention this game?

I do so because a TCU upset would damage Texas' 2007 season just as much as it did that of the 1992 Horns, whose losses in two of three post-TCU games ended any hopes of a bowl berth. A Horned Frog win won't likely cause the Horns to miss the 2007 postseason, but after a less-than-impressive debut against Arkansas State, losing to TCU would represent a huge step back for this program.

Texas and TCU aren't the same teams they were in 1992. But Texas obviously isn't the same team it was in 2005 either. The Longhorns cannot show up Saturday night, put forth another lackadaisacal effort against TCU, and walk off of the field still undefeated. It's not time to espouse doom and gloom in Austin, but it is time to step out of the funk that has marked Texas' past four games, dating back to Kansas State in 2006.

TCU wants to show they can play with the elite in college football. TCU wants do to Texas what they've done to Oklahoma, Texas Tech and Baylor in recent years. TCU wants to make a trip to the BCS. If Texas doesn't want to stop them from doing all of those things on Saturday, and if they don't display the level of passion and focus necessary to do so, then the back wall at Adair's may just find some fresh graffiti come Saturday night.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

See comment from Lokey, Derek, a few sections below.

According to NCAA 2008...

Ladies and gentlemen, EA Sports has the Greg Davis offense down pat. With about three minutes to go and his team leading 20-7, Davis' offense runs a delayed draw to Jamaal Charles on 2nd and 7 from the TCU 32, and then sends Colt McCoy on a QB Draw on 3rd and 6, which loses three yards, pushing them out of field goal range.

The Texas defense finishes strong this time, though, avoiding any late unsportsmanlike conduct penalties. Texas holds on for the 20-7 victory despite getting only 53 yards from JC on 19 carries. The Horns rack up just 248 yards in total offense, which still almost doubles the anemic 131 yards TCU amasses.

Matt gives us reminiscing, rappers, and rants in his Week Two TWTWB

What we learned last week: We learned that the Sylvester Croom Era will likely not go down in the annals of SEC Football lore, unless you want to mention coaches that have failed to recruit a single athlete that can play D-1 football…We learned that 3 quarterbacks later, Notre Dame won’t have to worry about scheduling practice around Christmas break…We learned that Tennessee and Phil Fulmer “need to get back to basics” for about the 12th time in the last 3 years…We learned that no matter how talented they are, or how much money T. Boone Pickens gives them, Oklahoma State is still Oklahoma State and they are what they are, a mid-tier BCS conference team that can’t play with the big boys…We learned that Todd Dodge is sentimental, and wanted to give up 79 points in respect to Southlake Carroll’s 79-1 record in Texas Class 5A, or perhaps he might want to install an actual collegiate defensive scheme…We learned that when you take a team’s mascot away, they get really pissed.

Anyhow…

It was November 18th, 1995 the last time that TCU came into Memorial Stadium (the DKR part hadn’t even been added yet).They were led by quarterback Max Knake on a 64 degree day, which was probably pretty warm by the end of the day on the Astro-Turf field. The Horned Frogs left that day with a 27-19 loss to the #10 Longhorns, as a freshman fullback by the name of Ricky Williams had 73 of an eventual 6279 yards in his career. The Longhorns celebrated their victory on the track surrounding the stadium, but TCU didn’t hang their head. It was a closer game than many thought it would be, and Frog fans stayed until the end. They saw I-35 very clearly, seeing as how the east side of the stadium only had one deck, and knew they had a long way home, but didn’t think it would be this long until they saw Austin again.

The next year was the first for the newly-formed Big 12 conference, as Texas, Texas A&M, Texas Tech and Baylor split off from the Southwest Conference and joined the members of the old Big 8, who also split off. Texas ended up winning the inaugural Big 12 Championship Game in a miraculous upset, while TCU was sent off packing to the Western Athletic Conference, where the first two years there saw them post a 5-17 record.

Texas had its own problems in 1997, which led to the firing of John Mackovic and the the hiring of Mack Brown from North Carolina. TCU fired head coach Pat Sullivan after the ’97 season as well, and hired Dennis Franchione away from New Mexico. The Horned Frogs went 7-5 in 1998 and beat USC in the Sun Bowl. Although TCU shined with Franchione’s coaching and Ladainian Tomlinson at running back, ol’ Fran was looking at greener pastures after the 2000 season, left for Alabama, and TCU promoted defensive coordinator Gary Patterson to the job.

Two more conferences for TCU later, here we are.

Although Texas holds the all-time advantage in the series 60-20-1, TCU always seemed to play it even with the Longhorns, including a 23-14 win in Fort Worth in 1992 (TCU hasn’t won in Austin since 1967).

While decades have passed since the formation of the Southwest Conference, and a little more than a decade has passed since the dissolution of the Southwest Conference, here we are, with #7, established Texas playing underdog, #19 TCU, with the Frogs searching for respect against Goliath.

The more things change, the more they seem to stay the same.

So, in honor of Kanye West releasing his new album, Graduation and 50 Cent releasing his new album, Curtis, on the same day next week, let’s see if we can’t compare that heavyweight battle to this one.

Kanye West songs include:

Gold Digger – TCU probably has this view of Texas due to the Longhorns jumping ship to the Big 12 conference, while TCU co-eds get this name due to a lot of them going to school to get their MRS degrees.

Jesus Walks – As in Vince Young walks into the corner of the endzone with 19 seconds left in the game to give Texas a national title.

All Falls Down – TCU fans tore down the goalposts with their 1997 victory against SMU…their only victory that season.

Diamonds From Sierra Leone – Aren’t those rings beautiful?

Through The Wire -- While Texas didn’t play through the wire last year, TCU has cost themselves a chance at BCS games with losses to Utah and Southern Mississippi in recent years.

50 Cent songs include:

In da Club – TCU is trying to show they belong in the club of college football’s higher tier, while the Longhorns are in the VIP suite sipping Christal (although probably too much judging by last week, and please, I implore you, don’t drive after you do). And I hate Spencer Pratt for overusing this term.

21 Questions – It’s about how many questions the average fan had for Mack Brown last Saturday night, while TCU didn’t have that many people in the stands last week to ask questions.

Ayo Technology – This new song by 50 Cent was supposed to be called “Ayo Pornography” before that was shelved in this post-Janet Jackson world. In other words, a sad reality of what you think is true and what is actually true, or an average TCU fan’s mindset.

Get Rich or Die Tryin’ – Since we have passed the line of where Rhett Bomar jokes are still funny, let’s just say that TCU will do anything to get to the top of the football world.

Wanksta – Wanksta = fake. Do I need to explain this one?

Just poking a little fun, TCU fans. Welcome back to Austin. Is Michael Reeder still your kicker?

They Said It...

IT WAS OVER WHEN... Colt McCoy found Antwan Cobb in the end zone with 2:49 remaining in the first quarter. That score was all the lead Texas would need.

- ESPN's College Football Overview

The boys in Bristol may have been too wrapped up in the post-Michigan fallout to notice that a recovered onside kick proved to be the actual game-clincher.

"We do have one of the few fan bases that goes on suicide watch after a win... Our fans need to understand that every year it gets tougher. Every team gives us its best shot."

- Mack Brown.

True, true and true... but none of those statements make what happened last week acceptable. Except for Michigan and Virginia Tech, no one else in the Top 10 saw an unranked team come to town and play them as close to the vest as Arkansas State played Texas. It's not unreasonable for fans to expect a team rated as highly as Texas to dominate inferior competition.

"We've got to go out and hit them in the mouth. If we don't do it first, they'll do it to us."

- Texas DT Derek Lokey

Somebody gets it.

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"... and Friends

"Sir Rod" Walker says:

November 7, 1992. I remember that game!! I remember it all too well. We as a team were sooo pissed at coach 'Wackovich' that when TCU started tryin' to tear down their goal post....(I wanted to get up there and help'em!) There are other memories about the Horned Frogs... Whether we play at home or on the road... whenever we got inside the locker rooms, we'd sit down on our chairs with our headphones on and read the game program. Well, on the cover of TCU's program was a big picture of a Horned Frog and a Longhorn w/ captions. It had the Horned Frog drinkin' a beer and askin' the Longhorn, "do you want a brewsky!?" They had the Longhorn sitting in a chair with its legs crossed replying, "no thank you. I'm a tea sipper," as he holds the tea cup w/ two fingers and the rest stickin' out! We thought that was rather hilarious.

Texas will have to get their act together, though, if they want to win this game. TCU has truly been a powerhouse during and since Ladanian Tomlinson... very competative and great coaches... a LOT of trick plays, too! It's gonna be interesting.

(Drew: Although he's far too modest to mention it, "Sir Rod" ran for more than 100 yards -- not once, but twice! -- against the Frogs, in 1991 and 1994. By comparison, Heisman Trophy winner Ricky Williams never ran for 100 yards against TCU*.)

*Ricky did only face them once, in 1995

Stoney Clark says:

Texas Christian University. I feel like they, along with the Universtiy of Houston, benefitted greatly from the creation of the Big 12 and their placement in their respective conferences. I was a freshman getting my first playing time in 1992 and only saw mop up duty against TCU. Their starting quarterback was a good friend of mine from Gladewater, Leon Clay, and I had mixed emotions about the loss. I was upset the team I was representing lost, but was happy to see Leon do well in his senior year campaign.

My next three years we beat TCU convincingly. They had good players, but not the caliber of players that are recruited to play at Texas.

I am ashamed to say, I wasn't in attendance for the season opener against Arkansas State and didn't listen to but a few plays on the radio. I hope Texas is ready to play, as I'm sure this is the game that TCU's head coach has instructed his players, could be something they'll remember the rest of their lives. Hook 'em!

(Drew: Stoney Clark terrorized opposing offensive linemen from 1992-95, and is best remembered for hitting OU's James Allen in the closing seconds of the 94 Red River Shootout with a flying body block that probably made The Ultimate Warrior proud (and Allen's future chiropractor rich). I'm looking forward to his weekly contributions to the previews).

Tailgate Talk

On the menu this week... frog legs. I've never eaten frog legs. Supposedly they taste like chicken, right? Much like with the actual game, I'm approaching the situation with reservations, but also keeping a positive outlook. For the record, opposing mascot-themed fare has met with both positive (Buffalo burgers before Colorado in '05) and negative (various pork items before Arkansas in '03) results.

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

Congrats and thanks to Michigan for replacing the 1997 Longhorns as the highest-ranked team to ever fall completely out of the Top 25.

Based on scores alone there's no way Virginia Tech marches into Death Valley and upends LSU, right? Maybe so, but the Tigers put up one of the least impressive 45-point wins ever.

ESPN's Tuesday episode of College Football Live called this is a big week for the Big 12. Does that mean that they're not going to qualify any potential OU victory against Miami as one that came against a sub-par Canes squad?

Am I the only one that thinks Colorado's Dan Hawkins bears a slight resemblance to former Bengals head coach Bruce Coslett. Go Play intramurals, brotha...

The worst thing about week one of the season is by far the knee-jerk reactions based on small sample sizes. "Oklahoma's running game is unstoppable right now," "this looks like the Miami defense of old," and "Colt McCoy isn't playing like the quarterback that replaced Vince Young," are all bold statements to make after a single week's worth of games

OU Still Sucks...

Fifteen Years Ago this Week

(note: 2007 marks the 15-year anniversary of the Temple Wildcats' 1992 5A Div. II Texas State Championship, which came during my sophomore year of high school. I'll re-cap that season throughout the fall.)

In recent years high school football has seen its share of national exposure. And had ESPN2 existed in 1992, I have no doubts that the worldwide leader in sports would have have made the trip to Temple, Texas, for a showdown between Odessa Permian and Temple. The teams ranked No. 1 and No. 3, respectively, in the weekly Associated Press schoolboy poll, and USA Today also listed both in their top 25 national rankings. The overflow crowd of 11,000-plus witnessed a jewel of a game, which featured long drives, big plays, and even bigger stops. The deciding moment came when Temple DB Tony Lott forced a Permian fumble deep in Temple territory to preserve a six-point lead and a 20-14 Wildcat victory, vaulting Temple to the top of the state rankings. It marked the first of many big victories on Temple's way to their second state championship.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

I have a grand total of two UT-TCU memories: (1) Grady Cavness knocking the ball through the back of the endzone for a safety in the '92 loss, and (2) James Brown limping his way to a win over the Frogs in '95.

One of Matt's high school buddies attended TCU, and he apparently belonged to the same fraternity as Chris Klein (aka "Oz" from the American Pie movies). As the story goes, the term "MILF" was popular among the brothers, and Klein's influence got it into the script, meaning that a TCU fraternity is indirectly responsible for "MILF" finding its way into the American pop culture lexicon. I don't really buy it either.

Semi-Relevant Song Lyric from a British band that has probably never seen a Texas Football game

"And how can we win when fools can be kings? Don't waste your time or time will waste you."

- Muse, "Knights of Cydonia"

There's a Greg Davis joke in there somewhere.

Double Semi-Relevant Song Lyric from a rapper that's so arrogant he'd fit in well in the Texas fanbase

"My life's like Grand Theft Auto PSP; I'm in the Volvo puffing on the la-la, ducking from the po-po."

- Jay-Z, "Oh My God

There's a Robert Joseph joke in there somewhere.

Triple Semi-Relevant Song Lyric from the same song by the same rapper

They gunning for me, Wanna see me fall; You know my story, I been through it all. Nights I felt like dying, But I ain't crying; What didn't kill me, Made me strong as iron"

- Jay-Z, "Oh My God"

Mack Brown is right; everyone is gunning for Texas. It's time to get that swagger back, boys. Derek Lokey is going to hit somebody in the mouth. Who's going to follow him?

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

You've got to love a site called KillerFrogs.Com.

Coach offers a pre-game pep talk, "Gather 'round men...":

Time to strap in on. Four to go 'til "the day." The day you've been waiting for your whole life--the day that we're gonna go into DKR-Memorial Stadium and put everything we've got on the line. The day that all your hard work's gonna pay off and we're gonna show the nation that the Horned Frogs of TCU are for real.

Now you'v heard a lot of nice things about TCU comin' out of Austin this week, and I wanna warn ya--these Texas folks are smoothe. They mutter platitudes about our program--they talk about the nice little program up 35 from Austin, pat us on the head--and then expect us to bow and scrape on our knees before 'em. They sit on their imaginary thrones and toss out complimentary bs and think we're gonna come into DKR and return the favor. Don't you buy it for one second--they don't respect you. They think you're suckers who will buy the crap they're sellin' and then roll over when you get to Austin. KNOW THIS--They kicked us to the curb and left us for dead over a decade ago--and they intend to do it again.

Oh, they're gonna be ready, make no mistake. They've heard the rumblin'--the talk that TCU is for real and can challenge anybody in Texas--and they're gonna bust their asses to squash any more of that speculation. But no matter how ready they are--they're not superhuman. They're a bunch of blue-chippers who can play good football when they want to, but they're not the football gods they or their fans would like you to believe they are. They sweat, bleed, and hurt just the same as you or I-- whether there are 10 Longhorn fans in the stands or 100,000. You forget about all the trappin's of DKR--it's all meant to intimidate and make you feel small. You put it out of your heads--come out and smash 'em in the mouth, keep smashin' 'em in the mouth, and don't let up to the final gun and I'll promise you--you'll have the respect and admiration of all of Texas and the nation.

It's like someone mixed Henry V with Knute Rockne and threw in a pinch of Jim Wacker... I'm even fired up reading that, and I'm hoping they get their ass kicked. Nice job, Coach! (Much better than this blather from someone named Gunner, who, as my buddy Robert might say, is developing prepackaged excuses -- "prepared in advance like Democratic Party talking points":

They do that stuff in Austin. I expect it to happen to us Saturday. Remember, they have no shame. And you thought Bill Clinton was bad. The BCS doesn't embarass them, stepping on TCU, SMU, and Rice, didn't bother 'em, and Arkansas State doesn't bother 'em either. And if it happens again this Saturday, who will it hurt???? Not the Welfares.

Ohh, did we figure this into our negotiations with UT? Not!

We got Big 12 refs for a road game??? What????

Do people still say "not"?

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

Jamaal Charles take a delayed handoff from Colt McCoy, jukes three TCU defenders, and darts to the outside of tackle Tony Hills... where he's buried for a one-yard loss.

Oh, and Derek Lokey is going to hit someone in the mouth.

Random highlight that has absolutely nothing to do with Texas-TCU, but was accurate nonetheless

Prediction: Frog legs don't taste like chicken.

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Arkansas State Game

2007-08-29T20:30:00.000-05:00

Week One: No. 4 Texas (0-0) vs. Arkansas State (0-0)
Last Season: Texas (10-3; Won Alamo Bowl); Arkansas State (6-6)
Last Meeting: Never Met
All-Time Series: Never Met

As I write this I'm tuned into ESPN's "25 Hours of College Football Live," and the thought occurs to me: am I really so hard up for football that I'm watching Rece davis and his annoying colleagues blather about the same tired storylines that they've droned on and on about for weeks now? Well, yes I am.

I know I'm not alone, either. Yesterday I read a post on HornFans.Com that had spawned more than eight pages worth of debate (some of it heavy on the vitriol) about whether the Horns' decision to honor the late Lady Bird Johnson with a small bluebonnet sticker on the back of their helmets was appropriate or not. Seriously. Finally one rational person summed it up: "Man the season needs to start..... "

Yes, it does. And on Saturday it finally will.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Per Mack Brown, Arkansas State feels like all four of their defensive backs will get drafted. Considering Texas hasn't played a season opener decided by fewer than 27 points since losing to NC State in 1999, Indians coach Steve Roberts might want to try putting all four on the punt block team (if they can force Texas into a few fourth downs).

Brown says he's not concerned with how many yards his team gains on the ground this season, but with a banged-up receiving corps, and with Jamaal Charles finally in position to be the showcase back, who doesn't expect to see Charles rack up carry after carry? How well can the Arkansas State secondary step up to stop the run?

According to NCAA 2008...

Texas wins, 45-7. The Horns account for only 345 yards in total offense, though, including 122 yards on the ground. Colt McCoy completes 11 of 15 for 193 yards and three TDs. Electronic Arts doesn't care about Jamaal Charles, I guess. For the record, the computer has now completed more games against itself than I have completed against it. Brief aside: NCAA '08 has been the biggest waste of $50 since the round of jaegerbombs I bought while playing wingman for my buddy Justin once at Sherlock's. But at least with the bombs I got a buzz and a random makeout session (even if it was with homely friend).

Matt brings it strong in this season's first TWTWB

What we learned last week: We learned way too much about dog fighting. Thank God that college football is finally here.

Anyhow…

You're gonna have to go through hell, worse than any nightmare you've ever dreamed. But when it's over, I know you'll be the one standing. You know what you have to do. Do it. – Duke to Rocky before fighting Drago in Rocky IV

(If you have Eye of the Tiger in your iTunes library, go ahead and fire it up).

2005 will forever be ingrained in the memory of Longhorn fans nationwide, and with good reason. It was the perfect storm of Vince Young’s heart and determination, Michael Huff’s brain, Ramonce Taylor’s electricity, Billy Pittman’s speed and an offensive line that could move the Rocky Mountains to Oregon.

But 2006 will forever be remembered as the year that could have been, the year where focus was lost, where things were seemingly on track to at least win a Big XII title and go to a BCS bowl, and then it all came crashing down on a cold night in Manhattan, Kansas.

And then the unthinkable happened. A lackluster loss to the dreaded Aggies. At home. And frankly the team didn’t even look like they cared to be there.

Perhaps it was the dreaded championship hangover that a lot of championship teams endure in the next season. Or perhaps the team just wasn’t good enough. Perhaps you shouldn’t expect much from a team with a freshman quarterback.

And I’m not saying that 2006 was a failure. Ten wins isn’t anything to sneeze at in today’s college football landscape.

But 2006 left us wanting more.

Because we know this team is better than that. We know the coaching staff is better than that. Texas is not the 99th best team in the nation against the pass. We know this. Texas is not a team where you only have one 100 yard rushing effort all year. We know this. We know that we don’t give up 90 yard drives, mostly on the ground, with the lead in the 4th quarter in our own house. We know this.

At the risk of getting a bit cheesy here, when Apollo Creed died in the beginning of Rocky IV, and Rocky got all down, Duke had to come to him and tell him, yeah, he’s gone, but you’re the one now. He’s gone, but you have to keep up the spirit now.

Vince is gone (as are Michael Huff, Kasey Studdard and a myriad of others). Although he certainly personified it, Vince wasn’t the passion and the heart of the Longhorn program. It’s time to put 2005 in the memory bank and the trophy case and go out and do it again.

It all starts on the defensive side of the ball. The Longhorn defense in 2006 was, for lack of a better word, stupid.

We heard the linebackers were below average, so the secondary was brought up to stop the run, but we were burned on the play-action pass all season. Baylor had a double digit lead in DKR for chrisakes.

The injuries in the linebacker corps didn’t help last year, but it’s time for Muckelroy and Killebrew to quit showing all of their potential on Denius Fields and start showing it in DKR. It’s time for Sergio Kindle to quit being an idiot and go out and do it. We all bitch and wonder why certain guys are behind others on the depth chart, but it’s time for the second string guys to get out there and do it.

Frank Okam could have been a first round draft pick this past April but decided to come back because he wanted to show he could do it and possibly jump in the Top 10 of next year’s draft. His linemates will be just fine. Derek Lokey was showing the potential to be one of the best defensive linemen in the nation before he broke his leg in Lincoln. Brian Orakpo is my pick to be the dominant defensive player this year, and Aaron Lewis will be more than solid taking the place of Brian Robison.

The secondary has the chance to lose two first-round draft picks and be better than it was last year. Marcus Griffin needs to step up and establish himself as a leader on this team, and Drew Kelson needs to show that the coaching staff jerking him all over the field was a huge mistake and start to show it on the field. Erick Jackson will be the biggest hitting safety we’ve had here in a long, long time (I expect him to be on YouTube by week 3 at the latest). Ryan Palmer and Brandon Foster have been nickel corners here seemingly since the McWilliams era, and it’s time for them to show that they can do it.

This offense has the chance to put up stupid numbers.

Colt McCoy tied a freshman record for receptions last year despite missing the better part of two games. Jermichael Finley looks like he could start. In the NFL. And although they are banged up, this receiving corps has the chance to be the best since the Williams/Johnson/Thomas days. Nah, screw that, they are better. They’ve scored against Oklahoma.

So who needs to do it on offense? Jamaal Charles.

Yeah, 831 yards and 7 touchdowns is a “nice” season, but for this offense to be truly feared from Stillwater to Norman to Lincoln, Charles needs to step up this year and realize his potential as a touchdown threat every single time he touches the ball. And not only that, the Texas coaching staff needs to find every single way imaginable to get him the ball in open space.

The pieces are there, it’s time to put it all together and play Texas football every single game. A national title isn’t necessarily the goal again. But there is no reason that this team can’t play it’s best every single Saturday and let everything else take care of itself.

The 2005 team did it. The 2006 team hoped the 2005 team would do it again.

The 2007 team needs to step up do it for themselves.

All your strength, all your power, all your love. Everything you’ve got. Right now!--Duke

They Said It...

"He has done an outstanding job, and in the nine years he's been here, he has generated tens of millions of dollars in new revenue."

- UT President William Powers, Jr., regarding Mack Brown's raise and contract extension, announced Wednesday.

Some of that revenue even came from sources not named Joe Jamail. But I'm glad to see that money is more important than championships. We're Texas!

In the Huddle with "Sir Rod"

Coming soon, hopefully...

Tailgate Talk

With Longhorn Foundation members finding themselves displaced by the construction at DKR, the state lots in around Scholtz and the Bob Bullock Museum should be even more lively than normal. The weather should be beautiful (read: it won't be 103 degrees like last year's opener), and the tickets plentiful. Brisket, chicken, sausage and cold, cold beer -- who cares that the Horns are playing a glorified scrimmage?

A few other College Football-related Thoughts

I don't care much for Mississippi State (f Jackie!), but Sylvester Croom seems like a top-notch guy. I'd like to see him do well. Maybe I'd rather he get fired from MSU and go to a school I like so that I can really get behind him.

The season hasn't yet started and I'm experiencing serious USC-fatigue.

Mark May... could he be more intolerable?

Stuart Scott has described events as "bananas" twice tonight on Sportscenter (what happened to CFL for the past hour?). Do people really say "bananas"?

Typically I don't make a big deal out of supporting other Big 12 teams for the sake of being a "conference strength" kind of guy, but I'd love to see Oklahoma State go to Athens and upset the Dawgs.

OU still sucks.

Fifteen Years Ago this Week

(note: 2007 marks the 15-year anniversary of the Temple Wildcats' 1992 5A Div. II Texas State Championship, which came during my sophomore year of high school. I'll re-cap that season throughout the fall.)

The road to state started on the road at Austin's Nelson Field against Johnston High School. As fate would have it, No. 3 Temple scored a TD on their first play from scrimmage and never looked back. The Cats won 27-7, setting up a showdown with top-ranked Odessa Permian in Week Two. Temple, coming off of a 9-3 season in 1991, was picked by Dave Campbell's Texas Football to win the state title, but the schedule Coach Bob McQueen lined up would not make it easy. Both Permian and perennial power Converse Judson appeared on the non-district slate, while defending Division I champ Killeen and rival Waco awaited Temple in district play. leaving the stadium that night, those of us in Royal Blue knew only one thing: beating Austin Johnston told us very little. One down... fifteen to go.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

I know nothing about Arkansas State. But I do remember my last trip to the state of Arkansas. The folks there were the antithesis of hospitable. No one threw anything at us, nor did anyone pee on us (one lady kindly asked our group to relay the lack of urinary abuse to our friends back home as proof that Hog fans do possess civilized traits), but they were rude and obnoxious, and I did catch an elbow in the chest from a passing co-ed. Something tells me that we'll see more than a few Razorback t-shirts among the 700 Indians fans that actually bought tickets.

Semi-Relevant Song Lyric from the Old 97s

"I went through the motions with her, her on top and me on liquor."

Going through the motions may be the best way to describe Texas' approach on saturday. I figure that the Horns show about 15 percent of their playbook in this one. As fans we'll try to make this up by using at least 85 percent of our livers during the all-day tailgate.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

This one doesn't come from a message board, but rather from the official Arkansas State athletics: with more than 1300 votes registered thus far, 33 percent of fans expect the Un-Indians to win "six or fewer" games. Almost 28 percent expect seven wins. No other category garnered more than 18 percent of the vote.

Now for the actual post, from pioneerhog on TribalGrounds...

You may not believe this but I actually dreamed something ... we kick off to UT they return it, didn't get how far in my dream, on their first play they throw it and it is intercepted and returned for a TD. We then kick off and hold them to 3 and out and we get the ball and Reggie breaks a 64 yard TD run. We are up 14-0 in the opening moments of the game. I then woke up excited, wishing I had dreamed more of the game.

My completely unrealistic dreams usually involve naked women (or did before I met my girlfriend).

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

I just can't get rid of this section.

Texas kicks off to ASU. The Indians go to the air on their first play, but Erick Jackson nabs the interception and returns it for a touchdown. Afer the kickoff the defense holds Arkansas State to a three-and-out and gets the ball back. Jamaal promptly scampers 64 yards for the TD and Texas leads 14-0 in the opening moments of the game.

Mine flows better, don't you think?

Random Texas-Arkansas highlight that has absolutely nothing to do with this game, but was sweet nonetheless

Again, my friends and I did not get peed on before or after this one.

Prediction: Pain

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The 2007 Longhorns Season Preview

2007-08-08T19:59:00.000-05:00

2006 Record: 10-3 (Won Alamo Bowl)
2007 Preseason Rank: 4 (USA Today/Coaches Poll); 5 (Associated Press)

2006 In Review

Remember Texas' 1999 season? Lop off the ends -- the NC State's bizarre punt block-fest in the opener and the post-suspension-feuled "Dead Man Walking" routine in the Cotton Bowl against Arkansas -- and Mack Brown's second (and, to-date, least successful) season eerily resembled what the Horns did last year.

Texas began both 1999 and 2006 basking in the proverbial glow of the prior season's glory -- Ricky Williams' record-breaking march to the Heisman Trophy and the school's first National Title in 35 years, respectively. They dropped decisive home games against high-profile foes (#13 Kansas State in 99, #1 Ohio State in 06), proceeded to steamroll the meat of their schedules, but yet they ultimately fell into a tailspin that resulted in consecutive losses to finish both seasons. The Longhorns also managed regular season wins against OU and Nebraska both times, but lost to Kansas State and Texas A&M both times, the latter of whom benefitted from facing emotionally deflated Texas teams.

1999 and 2006 both represented the kind of "could have been" seasons that fans dread. But there is one major difference between these two similar years: the Mack Brown era was still in its nascent stages in 1999, when nine wins, a division title, and a Top 15 ranking energized the Texas fanbase and served notice to the rest of the country that Texas football was once again on the rise. In 2006, fresh off college football's pinnacle, three losses and a minor bowl don't sit so well with fans that have grown accustomed to top five finishes, or with the players and coaches responsible for upholding the mantra, "the pride and winning tradition of the Texas Longhorns will not be entrusted to the timid or the weak."

2007 in a Nutshell

Texas expects to win. Texas has always expected to win, even during the dark years of the late 80's and early 90's, when 6-5 was damn near satisfactory. And with the ADT Trophy now collecting its second year of cobwebs, Texas wants to taste that level of success again. Is it a realistic expectation? The preseason rankings seem to suggest so. But as the Horns learned a year ago, when they started at No. 2 for the second consecutive season, those rankings don't always bear resemblance to reality.

The unfortunate reality of 2007 is that while Texas has no doubt improved from a season ago, multiple roadblocks loom for the Horns on their way to a potential Big 12 title and BCS berth. In fact it's not wholly unrealistic to think that Texas has about the same likelihood of ending up in San Antonio for another Alamo Bowl as they do for the Big 12 Championship game.

Perhaps I'm merely looking at a half-empty glass, but when Mack Brown calls this the youngest team he's ever coached, part of me grows somewhat uneasy. Youth is not necessarily a bad thing, and an influx of fresh talent helps to reinvigorate a team, especially one that mailed it in down the stretch a season earlier. But if 2004 and 2005 proved anything (besides Vince Young's super-human ability), it's that leadership means everything in college football. You cannot win without it. Who will truly lead the Horns in 2007? If Colt McCoy (or Limas Sweed, Jamaal Charles or someone else) steps in to fill that void, it will go a lot way to assuage the anxiety that I share with many of my reality-grounded Longhorn brethren.

For more on the 2007 Longhorns, check out the season preview Matt and I penned for the campus publication, Study Breaks. It's at least mildly funny, and much less stuffy and boring than what you'll find just about anywhere else. Plus it's got a cool, glossy layout, complete with lots of good photos. Just in case you're too lazy to click on the link, here's a snippet of what you'll find in Study Breaks.

Texas Football 2007: A Week-by-Week Glance

Sept. 1 vs. Arkansas State (Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium) – 6 pm-FSN PPV

The Horns take a break from the season opening rotation of North Texas and Louisiana Lafayette to welcome Arkansas State to town. As in 2006, questions abound for Texas: Can the secondary rebound from a sub-par season? How will Jamaal Charles handle the full load at tailback behind a rebuilt offensive line? Will their opponent – the soon-to-be-no-longer Indians – even have a mascot?

Sept. 8 vs. TCU (Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium) – 6pm-FSN

TCU may be a step down from Ohio State as marquee out-of-conference opponents go, but the Frogs harbor BCS hopes, just like Texas. Look for the Longhorns to rely on Colt McCoy and his talented array of targets to overcome a defense that returns nine starters from a unit that ranked second nationally against the run.

Sept. 15 at Central Florida (Bright House Networks Stadium; Orlando, FL) – 2:30 pm-ESPN2

This might not be just another Mickey Mouse opponent (sorry); Central Florida will want to make the most of the first game in their brand new, 45,000-seat stadium. But unless Mack Brown has contracted John Mackovic’s tendency to lose road games against undermanned opponents, Bright House Networks Stadium is unlikely to be a Magic Kingdom for UCF (sorry, again).

Sept. 22 vs. Rice (Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium) – 6 pm-FSN

If Rice still had Todd Graham at the helm, with Longhorn legend Major Applewhite calling the plays, perhaps they would have a chance to make a game out of this. But they don’t. And they won’t.

Sept. 29 vs. Kansas State (Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium) – TBA-TBA

Longhorn fans no doubt remember the upset in Manhattan last year that ended Texas’ dreams of a repeat. They should also remember that Texas has managed only two three-point wins in their five Big 12 meetings with K-State. As long as Colt McCoy doesn’t try to run any sneaks on 4th-and-goal, Texas should get back to .500.

Oct. 6 vs. Oklahoma (Cotton Bowl; Dallas, TX) – TBA-TBA

What more can you say about this game? Well one thing you can’t say anymore is that Bob Stoops owns Mack Brown, as Brown’s squad attempts to win a third straight Texas-OU clash. Stop me if you’ve heard this before: this game’s winner should find their way to San Antonio for the conference championship game (barring late season meltdowns – see: 2001, 2006)

Oct. 13 at Iowa State (Jack Trice Stadium; Ames, IA) – TBA-TBA

Remember two years ago when Iowa State was the trendy pick to win the Big 12 North? No? I guess the glory days of Cyclone football seem like ages ago. New coach Gene Chizik should have his defense fired up to stop his former team. That means Texas may only score 40 on a squad most believe will wind up in the division cellar.

Oct. 20 at Baylor (Floyd Casey Stadium; Waco, TX) – TBA-TBA

If it tells you anything about Baylor, they lost their best player from the past few years to graduation in ’06 – punter Daniel Sepulveda. Since last beating the Horns in 1997, Baylor has scored ten points against Texas at home and has been shut out three times (including the last two).

Oct. 27 vs. Nebraska (Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium) – TBA-TBA

But for a well-placed Aaron Ross helmet, Nebraska would have finally managed a regular season conference win against Texas in 2006 (it’s almost unfathomable to believe they have failed in all five attempts). It’s bound to happen eventually, right? At least if Texas requires late-game heroics this time, it won’t have to come in the middle of a blizzard.

Nov. 3 at Oklahoma State (Boone Pickens Stadium; Stillwater, OK) – TBA-TBA

Two seasons ago Okie State had the eventual national champs on the ropes at halftime, but were unable to deliver the knockout punch. With a talented offense – QB Bobby Reid ranked 16th nationally in pass efficiency as a sophomore on a unit that ranked 16th in total offense – and Les Miles thousands of miles away, the Cowboys could pull a home surprise. Or not.

Nov. 10 vs. Texas Tech (Darrell K Royal-Texas Memorial Stadium) – TBA-TBA

Tech hasn’t won in Austin since 1997, though they came very close in 2003. They also came close a year ago in Lubbock, when they jumped ahead 21-0 before the Horns roared back. Any Mike Leach offense is going to be dangerous, and the outcome here will largely depend on how well young DBs like Chykie Brown and Deon Beasley mature during the first ten games. History is on the Horns’ side in this one.

Nov. 23 at Texas A&M (Kyle Field; College Station, TX) – 2:30pm-ABC

Common sense says that Aggieland will be extra electric when Texas A&M takes the field, as the Ags have not won consecutive games over Texas since 1993-94. But with a schedule that includes likely losses to Miami (Fla.), Oklahoma, Texas Tech and Nebraska (and don’t chalk up a road win over Mizzou just yet), A&M seems poised to return to mediocrity this season. Aggie football – it’s Fran-tastic!

What to Expect in 2007?

Of course I'm referring to my weekly game preview. I'll continue to take an irreverant look at the upcoming games, showcasing both my own hit-and-miss wit and Matt's much more coherent The Week That Will Be. I may or may not continue looking into my crystall (foot)ball for the Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition, but I'll certainly continue looking high and low across the Interweb for Rational/Deluded Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board. You'll also have to endure more of my Personal Anecdotes Involving This Week's Opponent, but hopefully I won't be the only one reminiscing. I've invited the great Rodrick Walker to share some stories from his playing days.

For those that started watching Texas Football last fall, "Sir Rod" was one of a bevy of talented backs in the Texas attack from 1990-94. He's pictured here "shakin' they ass up" against Rice

"See that calm expression on my face? Just like Carl Lewis was when he broke records in track. Just like Earl Cambell when he burst out of his jersey. Just like Ali when he 'down goed Frazier!' Just like... Rodrick Walker when he... shook they ass up!"

I've been fortunate enough to hear a number of stories from the old days, including this one, regrading the closing moments of the 1990 win against Texas A&M. Coach David McWilliams called timeout with seconds remaining, before instructing Peter Gardere to take a knee inside the A&M 2-yard line.

"THE KNEE. That was sweet. When McWilliams told him to kneel down, I looked at Peter and said, "dive over the top!” He goes, ”hell no, I’m not getting in trouble for you.” I told him, ‘it’s not for me…do it for the team!” He was scared, Drew."

Good stuff!

Look for In the Huddle with "Sir Rod" (and Friends?) all season long.

And look for my Arkansas State preview... Wednesday?

I'll close with what you've probably been waiting for...

The Best Preseason Texas Video I Could Find on Youtube

Hook'Em Horns!

Texas Football: Spring Jamboree 2007

2007-03-29T22:45:00.000-05:00

Spring Jamboree: Texas vs. Texas
Last Game: Texas 26, Iowa 24; Texas 26, Iowa 24
Last Meeting: 2006 -- Texas won, Texas lost
All-Time Series: tied

Last time Texas played at DKR-Memorial Stadium, they lost. Man, did that game suck.

So what's changed?

Um, Gene Chizik is gone. I think that's a good thing.

Drew Kelson moved back to safety. That's a great thing.

Colt McCoy put on 20 pounds of muscle. That will be a good thing on 4th and 1.

Greg Davis is... still here. Honestly, that's not such a horrible thing.

What else?

The North end zone is gone. That'll be nice in 2008, but it's going to make tickets in 2007 tough to come by.

Robert Joseph, Chykie Brown and Deon Beasley are all a year older, so maybe that means that a secondary that loses the Thorpe Award winner and another first-day NFL draftee might actually be able to stop offenses on 3rd and long.

Jamaal Charles sat out track season to concentrate on football. No word on whether or not it was track that gave him fumble-itis.

Derek Lokey's 2007 season has not yet ended early due to injury.

Neither has Jordan Shipley's.

Vince is still gone.

*sigh*

It's the Spring Game; there is no TWTWB

Damn.

Things I miss about Texas Football

Wally Pryor.

"Quarter."

"Lilijedahl is deep punt."

"Someone get that idiot off the goalposts."

"The University of Texas... Longhorn Band!"

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Someone will probably run back the kickoff.

We'll all rave about how good (player) looked against the scout defense/offense.

Ishie Oduegwu, Sharrod Harris, and Vondrell McGee will look like All Americans, before finding themselves (unfortunately) lost in the shuffle this Fall. I'm really hoping I'm wrong on any or all of them.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

John Chiles will get the biggest ovation of the game when he eners a third-down situation to run for three yards from the shotgun.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

My sophomore year at UT, Spring Game attendees got a glimpse of the newly renovated DKR and a pancake breakfast with flapjacks served up by coach John Mackovic. The pancakes were pretty bad.

Semi-Relevant Quote from the Big Lebowski

"Okay, I'm a Lebowski, you're a Lebowski..."

Relevant, no? What about:

"Lebowski? That's your name, dude!"

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Ha! This is where I could make a crack about Hornfans.com. I'll refrain.

Coincidence?

Austin's annual Swamp Romp and Crawfish Festival takes place Saturday at the Bullock lot, a mere five or six blocks from the Spring Game at DKR. The 2008 BCS Championship Game takes place in New Orleans, home to crawfish-eating cajuns. Hmmm... presience?

I'd like a Mulligan, please

The last time New Orleans was set to host the title game, my tailgate group staged a crawfish boil for our Spring Jamboree soiree. The football scrimmage took place the day after Texas' Sweet Sixteen victory over UConn and the day before Texas' Elite Eight victory over Michigan State. None of us knew much about Vince Young in those days, and we were all infatuated with the greatness of TJ Ford. We were all convinced that Rick Barnes would win a title before Mack Brown. Yeah, well...

Random Spring Game highlight that I'm posting simply because it's the only one I can find

Thrilling!

Prediction: Texas wins, and I eat lots of crawfish and drink lots of beer

Hook'Em!

College Football: BCS Title Game Thoughts

2007-01-08T23:07:00.000-06:00

1. Fox sucks. Give the BCS back to ABC.

2. I feel bad for Ohio State. They were the best team, bar none, for 13 weeks, and they waited 51 days to play their worst game in years. Maybe it's karma from the fact that Miami did the same thing to them four years ago.

3. Florida got lucky. They humbled the Buckeyes, so they deserve their title. But they got lucky. South Carolina, Vandy, Florida State, even Arkansas... while UCLA defeats USC (I'm not sure Stephen Hawking could even explain how the Bruins held SC to six points), who no one is going to convince me is not a vastly better team than Florida.

4. This was a horrible season of college football. I think we all expected it, but watching it play out was almost painful. Ohio State beats everyone in their path, wins a way-overhyped game with Michigan (who then pisses down their leg against USC). The Trojans blow it against UCLA, ruining what would have been a near-epic game, and setting the stage for BCS "controversy" between Michigan and Florida (fortunately that worked out the right way), and before we even get to see the upset we see piss-ant Boise State beat an Oklahoma team that was obviously just going through the motions (in a lose-lose situation). Yuck. Oh yeah, and Wake Forest winning a power conference? Double Yuck.

5. Forgetting the records for a moment I still think the two best teams in the country were LSU and USC. I'm not a playoff proponent, so I'm not going to blather about how these teams deserved a shot, but I think on a neutral field the Tigers and Trojans are (slightly) better than any other teams.

6. The more I think about it, the more I think that an eight team playoff with Florida, LSU, USC, Ohio State, Michigan, Louisville, Wisconsin, and Boise State might yield eight different national champions. Or not. Boise would get their asses kicked by a team that cared about being there.

7. Florida: two national championships in the last decade, zero undefeated seasons. Auburn: two undefeated seasons in the last decade, zero national titles. Hmmmm...

8. USC or Texas of last year would have beaten any team in college football this season by three touchdowns. Ohio State probably would have, too.

9. Chris Leak: worst national title-winning QB in recent memory? Discuss...

10. Troy Smith: worst bowl performance by a Heisman winner in recent memory? Discuss...

11. Seriously, lest anyone think I'm slighting Florida... they deserved their title. They qualified for the BCS under the rules set in place, and the beat the piss out of the number one team in the country. Asterisks need not apply here. Urban Meyer has done a hell of a job in Gainesville.

12. Those who wear sweater vests deserve to be embarrassed on national TV.

Texas Football: One Year Ago...

2007-01-04T21:04:00.000-06:00

...was the greatest day of my life (and I wasn't the only one).

My recollection from that day:

I remember lunch at Mongolian BBQ, and the trip to the liquor store when my buddy Justin and I left work at 12.

I remember watching three hours of pregame, and seeing our friend Vicki on tv outside the Rose Bowl.

I remember pacing in the kitchen throughout the fourth quarter when I couldn't bear to sit down.

I remember running and hugging all 20-something people in the apartment when Vince scored. I picked up my buddy's wife and twirled her around until both of us nearly vomited.

I remember diving over the back of the couch onto whoever was sitting there and high fiving and screaming and hugging everyone again when Leinert's final pass fell incomplete.

I remember standing on a chair and leading everyone in The Eyes of Texas.

I remember calling my friend Matt and neither of us being able to get out more than a few sentences because we were equally speechless.

I remember going to the Drag, puffing out my chest, and high-fiving everyone that walked by. We screamed "Texas! Fight!" until we were hoarse. We took pictures and hugged strangers. We felt as invincible as Vince.

I remember meeting my friends Robert and Laura and Evan and Melissa and going downtown, where the party was raging and the beer was flowing, and I finally felt like I could drink and not jeopardize not remembering the extraordinary feeling of finally winning a national title.

I remember being in a bar where everyone was glued to the TV, watching highlights of the game.

I remember waking up the next morning feeling better than I had ever felt before in my life.

I don't know if I'll ever get married or have kids. But I do know that I'll never forget Jan. 4, 2006.

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: Fun From the Iowa Fans

2006-12-29T23:12:00.000-06:00

Separated at Birth?

Dallas Griffin and Monchichi killed me.

I may buy a random Iowa fan a margarita tomorrow just because of the genius that was that thread.

Especially if she's hot.

Texas Football: The Alamo Bowl

2006-12-27T14:38:00.000-06:00

Bowl Game: No. 18 Texas (9-3) vs. Iowa (6-6)
Last Game: Texas A&M 12, Texas 7; Minnesota 34, Iowa 24
Last Meeting: 1985 Freedom Bowl -- Iowa 55, Texas 14
All-Time Series: Iowa leads 1-0

Um, yeah.

So... there's no reason that Texas should not dominate Iowa. But there was no reason that Texas should not have dominated Kansas State, or Texas A&M. But a pinched nerve to Colt McCoy, two turnovers in 30 seconds, a ticky-tack pass interference call negating a TD, and completely uninspired play for eight quarters turned a potential trip to Arizona into a quick jaunt to San Antonio.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Or somesuch.

Matt hasn't written his column yet, but feel free to check out LM Fanzone later this week to read it (and be sure to check out our Top Movies of 2006 thread).

Or somesuch...

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Again, Texas should win comfortably. But will that happen? "On paper" doesn't always translate to reality in a bowl game, especially when one team has the proverbial "something to prove," and another is likely to go through the motions. Anyway, Colt McCoy has been cleared to play. If he's 100% (for real, this time), then Texas should be able to move the ball. And for a much-maligned Texas secondary, Drew Tate's inconsistent play gives hope for at least a 50% chance that Iowa won't pass all over the Horns.

From the "weird things hapen before bowls" file

Texas DB Aaron Ross fell asleep at the wheel on his way to practice last week, and got into a minor car accident.

It seems that almost every Texas bowl game is preceded by some weird incident: Ron McElvey, last-minute suspensions, and weird investigations that seem to mysteriously disappear.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

Um, pass.

Good news for Texas fans that haven't had much of it lately

Limas Sweed and Frank Okam will return for their senior seasons.

Cotton Bowl officials are probablty kicking themselves in the ass

They should be, at least.

Tickets for the AT&T Cotton Bowl are so cheap that a family of four could see the New Year's Day game between Nebraska and Auburn in Dallas for less than $100.

What a great deal... you could take the family to a bowl game between two ranked teams for about as much as it'd cost for three hours at Chuckie Cheese.

TicketsNow.com had $15 tickets, and several other online brokers had plenty listed for $20. Prime seats still go for several hundred dollars, but what surprises Pate is that it would cost fans very little to get a seat.

There isn't a bad seat in the Cotton Bowl (sight-wise, I mean; every actual seat in the Cotton Bowl is bad, as the place was built for midgets), so unless you're paying to sit on the sideline and help Bill Callahan or Tommy Tuberville call plays, you're a damn fool for spending "several hundred dollars."

"When there's not a championship on the line, it makes it a lot harder to justify the travel expense," Randall said. "If [the University of Texas] were playing in the Cotton Bowl against an interesting opponent, maybe that would shake things up. As it is, this game isn't that big a deal."

Well they had the chance to invite Texas and they passed. No sympathy.

Random highlight that has nothing to do with Texas-Iowa, but what the hell...

Um, words fail me.

Prediction: Texas 28, Iowa 17

Hook'Em!

MLB: More Andy Pettitte Fallout

2006-12-11T12:08:00.000-06:00

I normally don't think too highly of the Houston Chronicle's Astros coverage, so to be fair I feel compelled to praise John Lopez's assessment of exactly what went wrong between the club and former Astro Andy Pettitte, because Lopez sums it up perfectly.

I don't care that AP left Houston for the greener pastures of New York City. I do care that his camp has taken to blaming Houston management for being cheap and disloyal and insulting. That's total crap, and I hope Astros fans have the good sense to look rationally at the situation before placing all of the blame on Tim Purpura or Drayton McLane.

AP was perhaps the best pitcher in baseball for three months at the tail end of 2005. He was broken-down, and/or very, very ordinary for the majority of his other 2.5 years in Houston. Pettitte could have played a valuable role in Houston's '07 rotation, but now he won't. I'm neither losing sleep nor shedding tears about the situation, but even if I were then I wouldn't direct my ire toward the Astros' front office. Kudos to Lopez for offering a voice of reason, and illustrating why no other Astros fans should either.

NFL: In Case You Forgot...

2006-12-10T18:08:00.000-06:00

Vince Young is no mere mortal.

Poor Texans fans.

MLB: So long, Andy!

2006-12-09T11:15:00.000-06:00

Don't let the door hit you, and all of that...

And Clemens? I have to agree with the following, found on OWA...

As a matter of fact, I would like to issue a pre-emptive "Fuck You" to Clemens when he signs with New York and wish that Houston cuts Koby on the spot when he does. Let the selfish cocksuckers soak up all of the east coast limelight they can, and I hope they get flaming tendonitis, dysentery, and the pox in the process.

Call me bitter if you want, but neither AP nor the Drama Queen are going to have as much success back in New York as they did in Houston (and let's be honest; Pettitte didn't enjoy that much success in Houston).

Next?

Christmas: My Favorite Carol

2006-12-08T00:11:00.000-06:00

Is 'O Holy Night.'

On the way to lunch, while listening to it for the umpteenth time in the past few days, I decided that I may regard it as the most beautiful piece of music ever written.

Monday's episode of Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip featured a jazz version from some of New Orleans' displaced (and quite talented) jazz musicians. It was amazing to say the least. Bravo to Aaron Sorkin for incorporating this into a what was already a great show!!!

ETA: The MP3 is up. Please donate to Tipitinas, if you feel so inclined I'm not sure why they didn't place the song on iTunes and charge $3 (I would have bought it), but it wasn't my call, either..

High School Football: Has It Really Been 12 Years?

2006-12-06T00:29:00.000-06:00

Saw this today on the web and thought I'd post it for those who may be a little too young to remember it winning the "Showstopper of the Year" at the 1995 ESPY Awards.

It really may be the most amazing thing I've ever seen in sports. Overcoming a 24-point deficit in the game's final three minutes? Without using a timeout? And recovering three consecutive onside kicks in the process? That doesn't even happen in video games. Even if it did, the momentum-shifting, 97-yard kickoff return with just seconds remaining on the clock, would not.

Unbelievable.

NFL: Don Banks Takes Another Look at the 2006 Draft

2006-12-06T00:21:00.001-06:00

Um, whatever.

I can't figure out whether he's trying to be funny or serious.

Banks elevates OT Marcus McNeill to the top slot, leaves Vince Young at three, and jumps the steadily improving Matt Leinart to fourth. I have several friends that cheer for Houston; they seem generally pleased with Mario Williams' potential, and not-so-pleased with David Carr's progress. Still I'd guess that after the past few weeks they wish the Texans had taken the hometown hero.

And at number two? Marques Colston. Seriously? P'Shaw. A quick glance at the past 15 or so NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year recipients (which he hasn't actually won yet) shows that most have gone on to enjoy successful careers (Anthony Thomas excluded). But there's a reason the guy was drafted next-to-next-to-last in April. It's going to take more than one season to prove he should have been a first-rounder.

I wouldn't necessarily call it a "forward-looking" piece.

Texas Football: Official... Horns to the Alamo Bowl

2006-12-03T17:31:00.000-06:00

I'll post my full bowl preview sometime during Christmas Week, but in the meantime there should be a lot to mention regarding the thrilling (*yawn*) Texas-Iowa Alamo Bowl match-up.

First things first: a very early edition of...

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

"lukecarman," on Iowa's Scout.com board, thinks "Texas = Perfect fit."

They are a mountain ready to crumble. They have QB issues, no d (sic) coridinator, and went from the national champion to alamo bowl. I think this team might get up and excited for this game. We played our best games against good opponets. If you - the turnovers we are in both the Michigan and the Ohio State games. A win over Texas will make me feel a lot (sic) btter about next year (sic) to.

You know what? Looking past the grammar/spelling mistakes, he's exactly right.

Texas' lack of fire against Texas A&M, with a berth in the conference championship game at stake, gives me little confidence that they'll suddenly come out against a 6-6 Iowa team in the Aamo Bowl and play with any greater enthusiasm.

And like the poster mentioned, Texas does have QB issues. Will Colt McCoy play? If he plays, can he be effective? Perhaps most importantly is it even worth risking further injury in a glorified scrimmage? Jevan Snead is gone, third-string QB Matt McCoy is a walk-on that has never thrown a meaningful pass, and Sharrod Harris, the only other scholarship QB on the roster, would have to burn a redshirt to play. That leaves former high school QB Quan Cosby, now one of the Horns' best receivers, as perhaps the best option to run the offense. I have yet to see any credible news reports about Cosby's likelihood to man the position, but rumors have circulated on Texas message boards, for what it's worth.

The two teams won't meet on the field for almost four weeks, but if I'm an Iowa fan right now, I'm feeling optimistic about my team's chances for a big win.

College Football: A Plea to the Idiot Announcers Out There...

2006-12-02T21:26:00.000-06:00

Stop saying that the BCS doesn't work.

It works.

The sole job of the BCS is to choose the two most deserving participants in a national championship game. By definition it does exactly that each year.

Now you may not agree with which two teams it chooses, but that doesn't mean that the BCS doesn't accomplish what it's set to accomplish. Under the old system teams accepted bowl bids in October (Penn State once accepted an invitation to the Blockbuster Bowl before the season started), and the automatic conference tie-ins almost ensured that No. 1 never played No. 2, even when No. 1 and No. 2 were disputed.

No, the BCS is not a playoff. And it's not a perfect formula (why, exactly, was the "quality win" component removed?). But it's better than the system it replaced.

Now with that said, I'd still love to see the NCAA take the BCS a step further and institute the "Plus-One" model.

Current Events: An Airing of Grievances

2006-11-29T22:18:00.000-06:00

Am I the only one that gets annoyed at the non-Christian backlash over Christmas?

Walking through the mall you're much more likely to hear "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" as you are "O Holy Night." And as I'm sure is the case for many of you, my company won't even let us call next week's Christmas party a Christmas party, for fear of offending someone.

Townhall.com's Janet LaRue writes about several organizations' partnership to "keep Christ in Christmas" in her latest column. It's nothing new; you'll no doubt read many similar columns between now and Dec. 25. But she does make several points that caught my eye (though she doesn't cite specific sources).

The purpose of the joint Christmas project is to clear up misconceptions about
seasonal religious expression on public property:

• The U.S. Supreme Court has never ruled that public schools must ban the singing of religious Christmas carols or prohibit the distribution of candy canes or Christmas cards.
• School officials do not violate the Constitution by closing on religious holidays such as Christmas and Good Friday.
• School officials are not legally obligated to recognize all other religious holidays simply because they officially recognize Thanksgiving or Christmas.
• School officials may use "Christmas Vacation" to refer to the December holiday break without offending the Constitution.
• Government-sponsored Christmas displays are not banned as some people believe. When faced with the question of whether a Christmas display is constitutional, a court simply asks, "Is the government celebrating the holiday or promoting religion?

I almost want to set up a Nativity scene in my office.

Texas Football: Do We Really Have to go to a Bowl?

2006-11-28T22:44:00.000-06:00

The DMN says it's either the Alamo Bowl or Gator Bowl for the Horns.

If West Virginia loses to Rutgers on Saturday, Texas (9-3) is Gator Bowl-bound, the sources said. If West Virginia beats Rutgers, the Gator probably will take the Mountaineers.

Hmmmm...

Most Texas fans don't even know that the Gator Bowl now has a tie-in with the Big 12 (they're required to take a Big 12 team twice every four years), so it would come as a shock to thousands if the Horns ended up in Jacksonville. And that doesn't even count the thousands of former t-shirt fans that have already dumped their burnt orange and cleared the shelves at every local Academy Sports & Outdoors of all available maroon, in anticipation of the Aggies' trip to San Diego to get their asses kicked by Cal.

Anyway, with the Cotton and Holiday Bowls seemingly out of the picture, let's look at the pros and cons of Texas' potential postseason destinations (keeping in mind that the Dallas Morning News does make mistakes, from time to time)..

Alamo Bowl

Opponent: Iowa (6-6)
Last Trip: Never Been
All-Time Record vs. Iowa: 0-1
Last Meeting: L 55-14 in 1984 Freedom Bowl

Pros: Cheap tickets; Good Tex-Mex; The Alamodome sells beer; An opponent so inferior that complete lack of motivation on the part of Texas players may not be enough to completely kill any chance of victory; Bad taste left from '84 blowout loss might encourage a throng of geezers (or dorks like myself) to attend, in hopes that guys who weren't alive back then might want to exact revenge; Possibility of a football-basketball doubleheader between state's most successful college football program and state's most successful NBA franchise.

Cons: Everything about The Alamodome that doesn't involve it selling beer; driving in San Antonio; A 6-6 opponent; The potential for losing to a 6-6 opponent; Seeing Manu Ginobli's face everywhere; Having to witness Big Ten football live agast a team not named Ohio State or Michigan; Going from "The Grandaddy of the All" to "The Abuelo of them All"; Having to play in the Alamo Bowl.

Gator Bowl

Opponent: Clemson (8-4)
Last Trip: 1974 (L 27-3 v. Auburn)
All-Time Record vs. Clemson: 0-0
Last Meeting: Never Played

Pros: Texas has won two consecutive out-of-state bowl games, and three of its last four; The Horns have yet to lose to a first-time opponent this century (Michigan '04, Ohio State '05, Sam Houston State '06); Florida is supposedly nice this time of year; Opens a potential recruiting pipeline into SEC territory (should also be an easy trip for Texas' prized '07 recruit, and Florida native, John Brantley); Not having to play in the Alamo Bowl.

Cons: Clemson is better than Iowa; Who wants to spend New Year's Eve in Jacksonville?; No Tex-Mex; Clemson's purple uniforms = blech;

The Reality?

West Virginia is going to dominate Rutgers, unless they pull a Texas and decide not to show up for two consecutive games (South Florida upended the Mountaineers last weekend). So it's more than likely off to San Antonio.

Enchliadas, Margaritas, and boring, meaningless football. Oh well, the tickets will be cheap... and plentiful.

MLB: Move Over, Cecil Fielder...

2006-11-27T16:23:00.000-06:00

It's never been a better time to be a major league free agent.

Continuing the string of absurd contract offers (Juan Pierre at $9M per? Gary Matthews, Jr, for $11M per?), the Astros signed rotund slugger Carlos Lee to a six-year, $100M deal on Friday (that's $417K per pound, by the way).

It's easy to get bogged down in thinking about how much Lee might improve an anemic Astros offense, or how his mammoth contract might affect future roster improvements. But my friend Jeremy asks the question we're all really wondering:

Given that it's Carlos Lee, did anyone else picture Lee quantifying his new contract like the Wendy's commercial? "That's 50,000,000 Jr. Bacon Cheeseburgers and 50,000,000 Frosty's. Mmmmm . . ."

Kinda makes me hungry.

NFL: Peter King is a Romosexual

2006-11-27T10:58:00.000-06:00

From this week's MMQB:

4. Dallas (7-4). You tell me one team below here that you think would beat Tony Romo on a neutral field. Can't find one, can you? I spent five minutes trying to justify putting Dallas ahead of Indy or Baltimore, to be honest with you, and very nearly did it.

Romo has been a pleasant surpise for Cowboys fans in 2006, but I wonder how quickly people will hop off of the bandwagon when he eventually has a bad game.

I must admit now that I, too, am a Romosexual. I'm not planning my Super Bowl party just yet (Marion Barber and Julius Jones, and the Dallas secondary will have as much to say about the Cowboys' playoff fortunes as Romo will), but it has been refreshing to see Romo make heady plays in pressure situations, as opposed to watching Drew Bledsoe throw the ball out of bounds, orfall limply to the gound like a sniper victim any time a defensive lineman got him in his sights.

ETA: King also named Romo the co-offensive player of the week, along with Vince Young, who led the Titans from a 21-0 hole to win 24-21. Said King: "I never thought I would say this, but in his rookie year, for one game, Vince Young had a quarterback rating over 100." Funny that Young had his breakout NFL game just two days after his old college team showed just how much they missed his presence.

Texas Football: Reflections on 2006

2006-11-26T19:43:00.000-06:00

There are disappointing losses, depressing losses, and deflating losses. Ohio State was the first kind, Kansas State the second, and Texas A&M the third.

Losing to the Buckeyes was far from enjoyable, but they had a better team than Texas. They've since proven that with an undefeated season and berth in the BCS Championship game.

Kansas State, though a far inferior team, took advantage of turnovers and sloppy play, and ultimately derailed the national title game rematch aspirations of a team obviously looking too far ahead of themselves. That the Wildcats lost to Kansas the following week reinforced the fluke nature of their victory against Texas, but it didn't change the outcome.

The worst part about losing to Texas A&M wasn't the loss itself, nor was it the lost opportunity of defending the 2005 Big 12 title. What I found most deflating was that Texas had the chance to put a depressing loss behind them, and move on to salvage a very good season. Instead they played with such little intensity that I could hardly bring myself to feel much of anything afterward. As several of my friends and I commented, "Why should we care if the team obviously didn't?"

So as a Texas fan, that's where I am right now: not mad, or disappointed, or depressed. Just deflated.

***

I don't like to second guess coaches. The worst Division 1 football coach has forgotten more football then I will ever know. But I do wonder why the Texas coaching staff stuck with Colt McCoy on Friday. He had no zip on his passes, and his erratic play suggested that he was far from 100% healthy. Colt is a winner, and he'll live in Longhorn lore for years to come, but did he give us the best opportunity to win on Friday?

***

Was the Texas pass defense really as bad as it seemed this year? Injures in the secondary and lineacking corps played a role, but the Horns still had far too much talent to rank in the bottom quarter of pass defenses. The luster has begun to tarnish with Gene Chizik and Duane Akina, and now they have to rebuild the entire unit. Texas has an abundance of talented young DBs (Robert Joseph, Chykie Brown, Deon Beasley, etc.), but will they be able to step in and play at the level needed to keep this from being a weakness in 2007?

***

I'm not gong to play the "Would VY have made a difference?" game, but it was clear that in his void no one stepped up to take control when things went south.

***

Texas had no business losing to Kansas State or Texas A&M. Period. But they also proved that they were not among the elite teams in the country. In the end their record was about what it should have been (maybe 10-2), but that doesn't make losses to inferior teams easier to swallow.

***

My comment during the Spring Game that "Jamaal Charles will leave the 40 Acres no worse than the third-best RB to ever play here" seems laughable in retrospect. Neither Charles nor Selvin Young ever showed any explosiveness in 2006. For Jamaal's sake I hope he bounces back in 2007, because the Horns have a stable of potential stars at the position, and if Vondrell McGee can make it happen when Jamaal can't then so be it.

***

Some might say that the 2006 Horns took a step backward. But that's not necessarily true. The wins in Lincoln and Lubbock were exhilirating, if nothing else. Aaron Ross and Justin Blalock put together All-American seasons. And OU still sucks. Was 9-3 a great season? No. Not on the heels of a national title. But it was far from a poor season.

***

That said I have little confidence that this team will win a bowl game. The situation bears too strong a resemblance to 1999, which not coincidentally was the last time Texas lost consecutive games. Bowl games are glorified exhibitions, and when a team has nothing to play for they usually don't win. Show me what this team has to play for and maybe I'll think differently.

Texas Football: The Texas A&M Game

2006-11-20T20:21:00.000-06:00

Week Twelve: No. 11 Texas (9-2) vs. Texas A&M (8-3)
Last Game: Kansas State 45, Texas 42; Nebraska 28, Texas A&M 27
Last Meeting: 2005 -- Texas 40, Texas A&M 29
All-Time Series: Texas leads 73-34-5

The last time Texas A&M defeated Texas on the football field:

Bill Clinton inhabited the White House.

Saddam Hussein ruled Iraq.

The World Trade Center stood, and a majority of Americans had never heard the name Osama bin Laden.

Who Wants to be a Millionaire ruled the American airwaves.

Some people actually feared Y2K.

Colt McCoy was in 8th grade.

Hullabaloo! The way this series has gone the past six seasons it seems conceivable that Colt Jr. might be in the 8th grade before Texas A&M defeats the Longhorns once again.

Some might say that Texas' recent ownership of A&M is the benefit of a momentum swing similar to what Oklahoma employed in its five-year reign of dominance against the Horns from 2000-04. But is that an accurate analogy? The Texas-Oklahoma series often sees one team or the other string together wins in consecutive seasons. The "Lone Star Showdown," on the other hand, has been decidely one-sided in favor of the Horns, save for the Aggies' four-out-of-six year run from 1975-80, and the ten A&M wins in the eleven seasons from 1984-94, which just happened to coincide with the modern-day nadir of Texas football.

Of Texas A&M's two victories in the past eleven years, one came against a 4-7 Texas team playing out the string in the last few feeble moments of the John Mackovic era. The other came when the stars aligned in a game that none of us thought ultimately mattered, given the tragic circumstances of the occasion, until Ja'mar Toombs' celebratory throat-slash gesture made us remember that no matter what the Aggies hate us.

During these eleven years Texas has: made Top 10 finishes routine, won two conference titles (with a potential third on the horizon), seen one star win a Heisman and another finish second, and captured the school's fourth national title. Texas A&M has fired its most successful coach, seen the lion's share of top talent enroll in Austin instead of College Station, and annually found themselves in the Big 12 South's cellar, relegated to rival status with Baylor. Even during UT's darkest days of the 80s and 90s A&M didn't enjoy such a chasm of separation.

With all of this said does anyone really expect Texas A&M to walk into Royal-Memorial Stadium and win?

While I'm thankful for Matt's TWTWB, he's still writing it and I'm leaving town Tuesday night (hence I'm posting this on Monday)

So... Maybe I'll post it later this week. Keep checking back (and not just because I'm trying to drive up my traffic).

The Forrest Gump "That's All I've Got to Say About That" Section

Texas played poorly against Kansas State. The O-Line looked bad; the receivers dropped balls; the linebackers didn't help much with coverage; and the secondary looked lost. In fact you could as far as to say that Billy Pittman and the four starting defensive linemen acounted for the only positives of the night.

All things considered Texas' latest foray into Manhattan represented a Murphy's Law maelstrom. But you knew when Louisville lost that strange things were afoot. Then Auburn lost, Florida escaped, and Cal went down. And just when I thought I was about ten minutes away from finally getting over the 2001 Big 12 title game, the weird confluence of providence met coincidence, and my burnt orange blinders were all that prevented me from seeing what should have been painfully obvious: we were screwed.

Give K-State credit for playing hard (and then going soft in a subsequest loss to Kansas). Give Texas credit for playing themselves out of the national title hunt (a week before Michigan's moral victory would have made our loss moot anyway). Five sacks allowed, four penalties for 40 yards, 3 touchdowns allowed in three minutes during the third quarter, two fumbles in that span, and one punt blocked.

Or was it a partridge in a pear tree? Eiher way it was Merry freakin' Christmas in Manhattan.

In retrospect the one non-Texas game of the evening that bore the most intrigue for Longhorn fans was Boise State's come-from-behind win over San Jose State. Now Texas will almost certainly play the Broncos (?) should they get past A&M and Nebraska.

Happy freakin' New Year in Glendale.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Stephen McGee did his damndest to ruin Texas' Rose Bowl bid last season at Kyle Field. "At Kyle Field" is the key part of that statement. Here's how the Ags have fared in Austin since the last time they won here:

1996: L 51-15
1998: L 26-24
2000: L 43-17
2002: L 50-20
2004: L 26-13

They're not exactly losing squeakers in most of their games at DKR. But anyway, McGee did play a hell of a game, before Michael Huff and Michael Griffin tag-teamed to scramble his brains with about seven concussion-level hits. Now McGee and the Aggies average 203 yards per game through the air, which very well may translate to 300 yards the way Texas' secondary has fared, but A&M has always won games on the ground. That doesn't bode well for them when they take the field against the nation's second-ranked run defense.

Should A&M come out and do to Texas' defense what Ohio State did to Michigan's top-ranked run defense then the Aggies have very good reason to feel optimistic. But McGee is no Troy Smith; Javorskie Lane is no Antonio Pittman; and no one in that receiving corps is even remotely close to Ted Ginn Jr or Anthony Gonzalez. Texas, therefore, isn't going to have to respect A&M's pass offense to the point that it adversely affects their ability to stop the run.

And did I mention that Colt McCoy is playing this week? So unless everyone in burnt orange decides to play as bad as they did two weeks ago then prepare for consecutive win number seven.

If that's enough here are some more (admittedly irrelevant) stats

Texas A&M hasn't beaten a ranked Texas team in Austin since 1984. Nobody playing in this week's game could even walk when it happened. Most had not yet even "swum the channel."

Texas has not lost consecutive regular season games since September of 1998. Texas A&M has lot its last two games.

Texas A&M needs one more victory to reach nine wins for the season. It would mark their first nine-win season since 1998. Texas has won nine games in nine consecutive seasons (counting this season).

Dennis Franchione has never beaten Mack Brown. Mack Brown has never lost to Texas A&M at home.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

If you've forgotten, this section of the column celebrates its namesake's sixth anniversary this week. See my UNT preview for the backstory.

I don't think I'm going to include this section in 2006 (the whole column will probably get a facelift), because the joke has run its course and I'm never even close on the "premonitions." But for old time's sake...

Michael Griffin picks off McGee's first pass and returns it for a touchdown.

Oh, snap. Now it's going to happen, and y'all are going to have to endure more lame predictions each week.

A look back at my last Texas A&M preview

I'll admit, this is juvenile and not very well-written. But I don't care. It was written two years ago, after all, and I like to think I've matured as a writer (somewhat).

There's an old joke that asks, "how many Texas A&M Aggies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50 -- One to insert the bulb and 49 to call it a tradition." In College Station, Texas, they certainly fancy themselves purveyors of tradition. Let's take a look at some of them:
The Corps: This glorified ROTC group exemplifies all that is wrong with Texas A&M. Whether it's showing their bravado by brandishing swords against opposing cheerleaders, or defending their field against opposing fans by inciting a riot, the Corp of Cadets frequently finds ways to embarrass their school. Don't forget the goofy little uniforms and buzzcuts. They're really sweet.

Revielle: As the highest-ranking officer in the Corps, all cadets are required to salute Revielle, and legend has it that if she barks during class then the class is immediately dismissed. She's a menacing figure on the Aggie sidelines, for sure, though I have to ask: if a ten-year old Timmy could handle Lassie without a problem, why does it take 20 cadets to guard Revielle?

Kyle Field: Hey, did you know that Kyle Field is a memorial to WWII veterans and no one is allowed to walk on the field? Hey, do the Aggies know that half the stadiums in America are memorials to veterans and their monument to poor architecture is in no way special?

Aggie Muster: Now this is actually a great tradition (all the lights on campus are turned out and a roll sheet is read of all former Aggies that have passed away over a given time period), so I won't rag on it.

Yell Leaders: Only men can be cheerleaders at Texas A&M. They dress up in ice cream uniforms and say things like "hullabaloo" and "whoop." There's no word on how many former yell leaders are now in therapy, or manning sno-cone stands across the Lone Star State. Yes, Ags, I know that current Gov. Rick Perry is a former Yell Leader, but future Gov. Kay Bailey Hutchison is a former UT cheerleader. Besides, erry has made a habit of flashing the "Hooke'Em Horns" sign at public gatherings. Good luck getting Kay to "whoop" any time soon.

Yell Practice: In case these college-educated students have forgetten how to yell, the Aggies hold a practice before each game. It's quite comical. If you've never attended, then read about it here.

Fightin' Texas Aggie Band: The Corps of Cadets consists of soldier wannabes, while the band consists of Corps wannabes. If you've never seen the Aggie band (or a junior high band perform a John Phillips Sousa medley) then you don't know what you're missing. As Trey McLean says in his weekly Texas Tailgate Talk, "Make sure you stick around and see the most heavily armed college band in the country turn to the right with predictable regularity and dazzling accuracy at halftime."

t.u.: In a clever juvenile manner, Aggies like to refer to daddy as "t.u." It's apparently funny to change the letters around in UT. I get that, because I love to refer to the Aggies as "m&a" and then snicker like a 12-year old girl.

TexAgs: The next time Bill Simmons updates his "unintentional comedy scale," I hope he's visited the forums here first, particularly the "rivalries" board. You'll never find a more wretched hive of scum and penis envy.

The Aggie War Hymn: Hullabaloo Caneck Train Wreck. This boring 4/4 ditty takes twelve mintes to play, spouts off nonsensical words, reeks of obsession with the University of Texas, elicits nauseating mass swaying among Aggie fans and bears an uncanny resemblance to the theme from Yogi Bear (right-click to save), who is obviously smarter than your average Aggie.

Standing Up all Game: Strike another blow for creativity. Aggies stand the entire game, except when the opposing band takes the field. Imagine that. If someone learns of another school where students stand all game then let me know. Of course I'll need proof if I'm going to believe something so outlandish.

12th Man: The whole legend about E. King Gill and how he came out of the stands to help his team is an endearing story. In recent times, I'll bet any of a number of Aggie students could have come out of the stands and given a better effort than the Aggies in uniform.

"Spirit of Aggieland": Aggies never leave early, or so they say. But the past few years, a lot of them never showed up in the first place. And I saw plenty of empty seats in the fourth quarter of last year's 46-15 Texas win.

I could go on and on, as the Aggies only have a few hundred more traditions. But I hardly need to continue making fun of them when they do such a great job of making themselves look ignorant. However, there is one last tradition that, though the Aggies fail to embrace it, has become synonymous with Texas A&M University...

The Aggie Joke: My current favorite... Did you hear that they're relieved in College Station these days? Scientists recently announced that Mad Cow Disease isn't sexually transmitted.

Yeah, I told you it was pretty bad. And did I reall think that joke was funny? Sometimes I think I should delete the first two-plus years of this blog.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

There are a bunch of them:

1) Ricky Williams "Ran to the Hall of Fame," and he ended up 20 feet in front me in the southeast corner of DKR.

2) The second-closest I've ever come to getting into a fight at a football game involved some jackass Aggie fan in that same 1998 game. He waited until A&M took a late lead before sticking his finger in my face and telling me "that's for you." Now granted I was being boisterous, but far from obnoxious, and I never directed one comment directly toward him. So after a few tense moments (which ended with Kris Stockton's game-winning FG sneaking inside the upright) I turned to ask him what he thought. He was gone. Pansy.

3) Oh, I could say many, many things about Thanksgiving night trips to the State Capitol's south steps to heckle "Midnight Yell," but this is a family blog... or somesuch. I will note that two years ago was particularly enjoying. "BAY-LOR'S BI-ITCH!" "WE'RE NOT RIVALS!" God bless the State Troopers that spend Thanksgiving night providing a human buffer between drunk football fans that like to act a lot tougher than they are.

4) Maybe my favorite exchange with a fellow fan at DKR:

him: Come on Horns. Drive that ball right down their throats and put this game away.
me: Man, I like the way you think.
him (nodding toward my vodka/lemonade): And I like the way you drink.

Semi-Relevant Quote from the Big Lebowski

"So if you could just write me a check for ten percent of a million dollars... five grand..."

Should the Horns embarrass A&M -- and let's face it; it's an outcome that's as likely as it is not -- I get the feeling that some of those maroon-clad boosters might start opening their checkbooks to send Fran on his merry way.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

I refuse to visit TexAgs.Com this week. I just can't do it. But I can guaran-damn-tee you that everything you'll read there is deluded. Find me a rational thought on that cyber-cesspool and I'll give you beer Friday morning.

Know any good Aggie jokes?

This guy apparently does.

Random Texas-Texas A&M highlight that has little to do with this game, but was sweet nonetheless

'Lectric Leland gets Laid Out!

Prediction: Texas 45, Texas A&M 24

Hook'Em!

College Football: Ohio State-Michgan

2006-11-14T09:03:00.000-06:00

(note: My thoughts about the Texas debacle should appear later this week).

With all of the hype surrounding this weekend's Ohio State-Michigan clash, I have yet to see a national talking head state what we all think as succinctly as Pete Fiutak did in CFN's weekly "5 Thoughts" column:

Bring the national championship trophy to Columbus this weekend and just give it to the winner of the Michigan – Ohio State game. Enough is enough this year. Has Florida looked even remotely like a national title caliber team? USC lost to an Oregon State team that just got thumped by UCLA. Does Arkansas really belong in the national title considering it got obliterated 50-14 at home by the Trojans? Sure, that was a lifetime ago, but the loss has to still count for something. Notre Dame needed everything in its bag to beat Michigan State and UCLA and, in case you forgot, got its doors blown off by Michigan. Rutgers? I know, cute story, but come on. Texas, Cal, Auburn … thanks for playing. And no, there shouldn’t be a rematch no matter what happens next weekend. What happens in Columbus, stays in Columbus.

I said four months ago that I didn't think any team would emerge unscathed from the 06 regular season, save for maybe OSU should they beat Texas, which they did. Leave it to perenially under-achieving Michigan to prove me wrong.

Anyway... these two teams are not just the only real undefeated teams in the country (and can we please tap the brakes on Rutgers talk until they finish undefeated?), they're the only two teams that consistently look impressive. Deserving teams don't lose to scrubs on the road, or to good teams by double-digits at home, or survive scares thanks to fortuitous blocked kicks.

Can a Florida, or a USC, or a Notre Dame, or even a Texas, Wisconsin, or LSU hang with either of these two teams on a neutral field? Sure they can. That doesn't necessarily make them a great BCS title contender. Sadly, one of those squads will probably do more than just "hang" on Jan 8. That would provide a pretty fitting end to a strange year of college football.

Texas Football: Thinking the Unthinkable?

2006-11-09T22:06:00.000-06:00

At the tailgate immediately following Texas' 24-7 loss to Ohio State, I told anyone who would listen: "We're still national champs until someone else walks off the field in Glendale, Ariz., with that crystal football."

But never did I begin to allow myself to think that Texas could back their way into the national title game, even if they ran the table.

Now?

Hell, if Rutgers can beat Louisville then anything is possible.

Florida? USC? Notre Dame? California? The loser of Michigan-Ohio State? I'm not saying that Texas is necessarily beter or more deserving than any of those teams, but here's what Texas does have going for them: (1) They're defending national champions (2) Their sole loss came to the best team in the country this season (3) They're about twice the team now as the one that Ohio State beat in September.

Two hours ago I wrote this week's Texas-KSU preview. At that time I wasn't worried about the Wildcats.

Now?

Hell, if Rutgers can beat Louisville then anything is possible.

This weekend just got a whole lot more interesting.

Texas Football: The Kansas State Game

2006-11-09T19:21:00.000-06:00

Week Eleven: No. 3 Texas (9-1) vs. Kansas State (6-4)
Last Week: Texas 36, Oklahoma State 10; Kansas State 31, Iowa State 10
Last Meeting: 2003 -- Texas 24, Kansas State 20
All-Time Series: Texas leads 5-3

"[The University of Texas] 'represents in most people’s minds incredible wealth and arrogance.'"

- Kansas State president Jon Wefald, prior to Texas-Kansas State game, 1999

"You'll never take away our wealth and arrogance!"

- Random Texas fan in Sec. 110 during the waning moments of Kansas State's 35-17 win against Texas, 1999

Those were the days, huh? It almost strains belief that just seven years ago the Kansas State Wildcats had just completed a two-game sweep of the Texas Longhorns, and had outscored their wealthy, arrogant not-really-rivals 84-24 in that span. In fact even with Texas' back-to-back wins over the Cats in 2002 and 2003, KSU has amassed a 53-point differential in the two teams' Big XII clashes.

Let' see if Colt McCoy can erase that deficit Saturday night.

By the way, we're still wealthy and arrogant. Kansas State, on the other hand, has reverted to their history of mediocrity and obscurity. Sadly enough that puts them right in the mix for the Big XII North title. Okay, not really. But they could sneak their way into the Poulan Weed Eater Bowl with a season-ending victory against rival Kansas. Purple Power!

Matt's TWTWB argues (effectively I must add) why even though Louisville beats Rutgers tonight they don't belong anywhere near Glendale, Ariz., on Jan. 8.

The American people spoke on Tuesday night, as it was a resounding “YES!” when we all found out the news. The news being, of course, that Britney Spears had finally gotten rid of that spare Kevin Federline. Did anyone really like that guy? His debut album was in the thousands on the Amazon.com best seller’s list, his shows were getting cancelled left and right due to non-interest and basically most people thought of him as a free loading, white trash idiot.

And Britney suffered because of it. He drug her down into the depths, until we had videos popping up on YouTube of her burping, wearing trucker hats in public, smacking gum in interviews, going sans shoes in public restrooms, turning as white as Lindsay Lohan caked in flour and getting a gut protruding over her jean cut-off shorts.

It was astounding.

Years before, you would ask any red-blooded male in America who didn’t wear eye liner or have a limp wrist about Britney Spears and his eyes would get as big as Kirstie Alley’s ass (I saw the Oprah appearance…..uh, not that great, buddy) and he would start drooling.

Lately she was met with the worst reaction a pop starlet who isn’t even 25 yet could possibly receive:

Indifference.

But that all changed on Tuesday.

Guys started getting hopeful again. Hot pictures leaked of her on the Internet, with actual shoes on her bare feet and her trucker hat replaced by an actual female hairstyle (although a bad one). The gum was gone and she seemed to have gotten her belching under control.

We have our Britney back. Maybe.

Why do I give this diatribe on a pop princess who is more famous for the tabloids than her music these days? Because Louisville/Boise State, you are Kevin Federline.

Get away from our Britney.

Now now, I know you’ll get mad at me and if any of you put down your basketball magazine for 10 seconds you might even be tempted to fire off a nasty e-mail, but I don’t care. Somebody has to tell you before you embarrass yourself.

First off, big time college football is played on Saturday afternoons. Texas/OU is played on the State Fair grounds, with a crisp October day as the setting and corny dogs the food of choice. It’s played in a stadium abound with tradition and the night before and the night of is full of debauchery by both teams’ fans in the streets of Dallas.

It’s not played on Thursday nights in “Papa John Stadium”. That’s embarrassing. What were you thinking? If the game is not played in 3 hours or under do fans get their money back? Do we get some of that kickass garlic sauce in the Cardinals win?

Other networks on Saturday afternoons run M*A*S*H re-runs because they know it’s useless to go against big-time college football. The Big East on Thursday night? Hell, let’s run Grey’s Anatomy and CSI, two of the biggest shows on television!

And don’t say it’s for television. Actual networks fight over our games. We’re not on the Worldwide Leader in Sports in between figure skating and the World Series of Poker.

Second, we play actual teams. Yeah, we’ll sprinkle in a Rice and North Texas on you, but that’s only because we have to go to Lincoln, Nebraska in October and Lubbock, Texas the week after that. I know it doesn’t compare to the road trip to Middle Tennessee State (by the way, we would NEVER lower ourselves to go there) and then Syracuse, featuring their 112th rated offense and 109th ranked defense. And man, we know how tough UConn is at home…in basketball. But you have Notre Dame, right? Oh wait, that’s basketball, too.

You see, REAL conferences have the same teams in every sport. It helps our alcohol-filled brains.

And Boise State?

Okay, you know what? Boise State seems like they know their place. They don’t bitch about lack of respect like some other mid-majors have done *cough* *cough* TCU. They know they have a tricked-up home field and a tricked-up offense that wouldn’t work against defenses in a real conference with real athletes. They know that their leading rusher is a white guy and that just doesn’t happen in real NCAA football.

So you’re excused, Boise. We just don’t want to see you in Phoenix. No offense.

So I propose this. Let’s do it like high school football and divide college football into districts. You could have the ACC, Big 10, Big 12, SEC, Pac-10 in your big-boy district that actually plays for the national championship. Then the next one will have the Big East, WAC, Conference USA, etc.

They can have their own national championship. Play it on Thursday night in a portion of the country that nobody in their right mind ever visits. We could have a rotation between El Paso, Vicksburg, Jacksonville and Syracuse.

Get some second rate sponsors and put it on a major network like Versus or ESPNU. Yeah, ESPNU will work. Get some bad uniforms and some big screens set up to show basketball and we’ll be set.

Just get out of here, Federline. And leave Britney alone

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Two years ago Texas sleepwalked into Lawrence, Kansas. They tip-toed out of town with a controversial win against the Jayhawks (the controversy centered around whether Mark Mangino's near-coronary stemmed from a late offensive PI call against his team, or the all-you-can-eat Golden Corral buffet).

Expect no such loss of focus on Saturday under the bright lights in the not-so-big city of Manhattan.

K-State has played well at home, and they have three running backs that average at least 4.5 YPC. But check out QB Josh Freeman's stat line: 3 TDs, 9 INTs. The two noises you hear are: (1) Aaron Ross licking his chops (2) Thorpe Award voters penciling Ross' name at the top of their ballots.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

Ross intercepts not one, but two passes. The second he returns for a TD.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

The quote from a Texas fan that I used earlier was probably my favorite memory from a KSU game, though I have a lot of bad memories from that game: watching us kick it to David Allen instead of the fans in Sec 1 (and watching him promptly return it for six), watching Major Applewhite lob a duck directly to Jeff Ochs (and watching him promptly return it for six), enduring our dumbass surrounding fans complain that we were standing up and blocking their view.

Semi-Relevant Quote from the Big Lebowski

"By the way, do you think that you could give me that $20,000 in cash? My concern is, and I have to, uh, check with my accountant, that this might bump me into a higher, uh, tax bracket."

The Dude was neither wealthy nor arrogant.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Ha! I'm not the only one who remembers "the quote."

Best reply: "We were f'ing spoiled."

Let's see... they had a run of success that lasted from 1995 to 2003, in which they won one conference title and pissed away another. They went to a few decent bowl games, yet failed to notch a real high-profile national victory.

And we're arrogant?

Oh to be poor and humble, like our Kansas brethren. The Outlaw Josey Wales had a great quote about Kansans, if you recall: "Yeah, well, I always heard there were three kinds of suns in Kansas -- sunshine, sunflowers, and sons-of-bitches." That beats the hell out of the tired "steers and queers" line you hear yankees spew all of the time.

Random Texas Tech-Kansas State highlight that has little to do with this game, but was sweet nonetheless

Bobby Slay was the Chuck Cecil of the Big XII, but damn that mofo could lay the wood. A big F You to YouTube, by the way, for not having a single decent Texas-KSU highlight.

Prediction: Texas 38, Kansas State 14

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Oklahoma State Game

2006-11-02T23:10:00.000-06:00

Week Ten: No. 4 Texas (8-1) vs. Oklahoma State (5-3)
Last Week: Texas 35, Texas Tech 31; Oklahoma State 41, Nebraska 29
Last Meeting: 2005 -- Texas 47, Oklahoma State 28
All-Time Series: Texas leads 18-2

Whew... I'll be the first to admit Texas was lucky to escape Stilwater with a win last season. No, I'm kidding. We were much better and once we remembered we were a Top 10 team we kicked their ass. Ok State is a weird team. They seem to play either Texas or OU close every season, but oddly enough OU is the only one they've actually beaten (twice!). Take that for what it's worth.

Matt's TWTWB revisits a yearly theme, which I think you'll like (if you like football).

Well it’s that time of the year again, where teams fight for bowl position, bitch at each other and fans start to make travel arrangements to far locales. Well if it’s that time, it means it’s time for What HornMafia Thinks This Season’s Bowl Matchups Will Look Like.

The Nobody Wants You Here Bowl-- This bowl matches up Boise State and the winner of West Virginia/Louisville, because no matter who plays these teams in a BCS bowl, there is bound to be some disappointment. So just send them to a city that gets no respect, like Milwaukee, and let them battle it out for the right to bitch.

The Bourbon in a Starbucks Cup Bowl—This bowl matches Mike Leach against Big XII refs. Leach felt that Texas got a lot of favorable calls in its October 28th match-up and even sent a tape to the league office. I trust he also sent a copy of the cheap shot that Tech receiver Danny Amendola put on Michael Griffin after a punt return, the numerous favorable spots Tech received in the ballgame and of course the video of Taurean Henderson not scoring against Oklahoma last season.

The Posturepedic Bowl—This bowl matches up Joe Paterno and retirement. JoePa nixed a planned night game with Wisconsin this week because “we [have] to come home and play [Temple] next week.” Yes, JoePa, I realize that an extra 4 hours of preparation is needed for Temple, now that they’ve ended that 20 game losing streak and are en fuego. Give it up, and take Bobby Bowden with you.

The Um, That Job Isn’t That Great Anyhow Bowl—This bowl features North Carolina and it’s job vacancy. An internet report this week said that Butch Davis is waiting to see what happens with the Alabama job before he commits to any open jobs. It went on to say, “Davis had better not wait too long, the North Carolina job won’t be open forever.” Umm…Remember that look that Beavis and Butthead used to give the teacher when they had no idea what she was talking about? Yeah, enter that here.

The Stupid Computers Bowl—Look, I’m not as pissed off at the BCS process as I have been in the past, probably because it worked for Texas last year, but this bowl matches up the lame-ass computers that have three loss Washington State ahead of Texas in it versus the computer from Lost that blew up and led the death of Mr. Eko. F both of you up your stupid floppy disk drives.

The Lame Duck Coach Bowl—North Carolina v. Michigan State. What exactly is the purpose of having a coach finish out the year? Because if I’m that coach I’m yelling my plays across the field, opening up my practices to anybody and everybody with a video camera, giving pre-game speeches that tell guys they suck, pissing in the middle of the locker room at the end of my last home game and then giving the finger to the camera as the clock is running down. But maybe that’s just me. Better decide on that North Carolina job, Davis!

The Nepotism Bowl—Florida State’s Jeff Bowden v. Junior Justice from Smokey and the Bandit. Both are incredibly inept but at least Junior held the Sheriff’s hat on his head. Jeff can’t even field an offense that’s ranked higher than 90th in rushing with the best athletes in the world at his disposal. Terry had an undefeated season at Auburn, Tommy will likely be in a New Year’s Day bowl this year…poor Jeff might have to sit at the kid’s table at Thanksgiving. And then find a way to score on Florida two days later. Good luck with that. Maybe you could hold daddy’s sunglasses on.

The Stupid Aggie Traditions Bowl—The Nut Squeeze v. the Let’s Lock Arms and Legs and Saw Them Off. Jesus. And you wonder why Aggie athletic director Bill Byrne doesn’t even want his games on pay per view. Who wants to be embarrassed on national television and for years to come on blooper shows? Just keep those cameras out of there, Bill, because those of us on the outside can’t even understand it anyways, right?

The Roundabout Bowl— So USC throttles Arkansas, who beats Auburn, who beats Washington State, who beats Oregon State, who beats USC. Both Washington State and Oregon State couldn’t beat California, which lost to Tennessee, which lost to Florida, which lost to Auburn, which lost to Arkansas, which lost to USC, which lost to Oregon State, which lost to Boise State, who nobody has beat and is our worst nightmare. Kevin Bacon fits in there somewhere.

The Death Threat Bowl—Texas A&M fans v. Al Qaeda. First the Aggies threaten the Hellraiser who rented out the south steps of the capitol building the night before the Texas game when Aggies traditionally have held their “midnight yell” practice, now they are issuing death threats to the SI.com writer who had the guts to poke fun at a picture depticing the Ags in aforementioned “Saw Varsity’s Horns Off’ pose. Next thing you know we’ll have videotapes released on the Internet of Aggies kidnapping Kirk Herbstreit and dressing up in milkman uniforms and fake, long beards, threatening to squeeze his nuts if you don’t say something nice about those goofy bastards.

Finally, some Big XII Bowls…

The Holiday Bowl— Oklahoma v. USC. Bob Stoops takes over The Mack Brown suite at the San Diego Hilton as the Sooners try to avenge their Orange Bowl loss at the hands of the Trojans in 2005. Stoops borrows videotape from his brother Mike, who only lost to the Trojans 20-3 earlier in the season and comes up with the perfect gameplan. Unfortunately he then realizes he’s playing with Pac-10 officials and packs up his stuff and goes home. USC wins 2-0 on a forfeit.

The Cotton Bowl—Nebraska v. Arkansas. Trying to recruit a star defensive player in Arkansas, Houston Nutt fires his defensive coordinator and hires the star player’s high school coach. Bill Callahan still can’t move the ball on a high school coach but is trailing by 4 on the final drive when he runs the Statue of Liberty, fumblerooski, a flea-flicker, halfback pass and finally a fake punt from the 10 yard line to score and win the game.

The BCS National Championship Game—Texas v. Ohio State. Hey, it’s my column, and I was right about the Michigan Rose Bowl and I was right about who we would/needed to play in last year’s Rose Bowl, so hear me out. West Virginia beats Louisville. Rutgers beats West Virginia. Arkansas beats Florida in the SEC Championship Game, but declines the invitation to the Sugar Bowl and goes to the Cotton Bowl so I can use my Arkansas Houston Nutt joke in the previous bowl. Or they go the Sugar Bowl. Whatever floats your boat. Ohio State throttles Michigan since Michigan can’t score. That, my friends, leaves us with Colt McCoy [brent musberger]with those baby blue eyes[/brent musberger] against Heisman Trophy winner Troy Smith.

We like to play Heisman Trophy winners in championship games.

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

Oklahoma State has forced Texas to make three comebacks in three years. It ain't happening again (so says the law of averages). By the way... Colt McCoy needs three TD passes to break the school's single-season reord. Anyone ready to bet against him?

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

Colt breaks the single-season record of 26 TD passes with a 50+ yard strike to Limas Sweed.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

Last year in Stillwater I really had to take a... nope, nevermind. My one near fight at DKR came in the 2004 game. Sure, we fell behind 35-7, but I never thought we'd lose. The douche behind me did. It led to words between he and I, and he and my brother. I told him I was going to kick his ass, and he backed off. The cops then showed, and I backed off. Then Texas came back and all was normal. God bless the Horns, and understanding APD officers.

Semi-Relevant Quote from the Big Lebowski

"You can imagine where it goes from here..."

Yes, I can. Louisville loses to Pitt. Michigan loses to Ohio State. Florida loses to someone in the SEC (or Florida State). Everyone else that Texas needs to lose loses. Texas plays Ohio State... again. Maybe. Don't be fatuous, Jeffrey.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Not a game-related thread, but some of the Okies wonder about restaurants in Austin. The best post in the thread lists the following options:

Also:
Shady Grove
Chuy's
Hula Hut
Z Tejas
Moonshine
Iron Cactus

Great choices, all (except Moonshine, which I thought was pretty "blah.")

For the record... get the: Chicken Fried Chicken with hatch green chiles and cheese instead of gravy, at Shady Grove; Chicka Chicka Boom-Boom enchiladas, at Chuy's; chile rellenos or Shiner Bock fajitas, at Hula Hut; cajun stuffed pork tenderloin, at Z Tejas; or lots of drinks, at Iron Cactus. Chuy's, Shady Grove, and Hula Hut are all the same restaurant, btw... and it doesn't make any of them less desirable.

Random Texas-Oklahoma State highlight that has little to do with this game, but was sweet nonetheless

Damn, I miss RT.

Prediction: Texas 45, Oklahoma State 24

Hook'Em!

Texas Football: The Texas Tech Game

2006-10-26T22:23:00.000-05:00

Week Nine: No. 5 Texas (7-1) at Texas Tech(5-3)
Last Week: Texas 22, Nebraska 20; Texas Tech 42, Iowa Stae 26
Last Meeting: 2005 -- Texas 52, Texas Tech 17
All-Time Series: Texas leads 41-14

Whew... I'll be the first to admit Texas was lucky to escape Lincoln with a win. At the same time Nebraska was lucky to get back in that game. Still, it turned out to be a great game between the Big XII's two best teams, and for anyone that doubts me, I defy you to travel to Memorial Stadium and afterward try to convince me that there i a better venue in the conference. There's not. So you can't.

I'll let Matt recap the Nebraska Game in this week's TWTWB

Uh oh.

We’ve talked about uh oh games before, where something seemingly magical happens during the course of a game and you begin to wonder if its destiny that this team is going to do something.

The ball going through Buckner’s legs. Vince Young running 80 yards against Oklahoma State last year or for 20 yards on 4th and 18 the year before. It was Derek Fisher beating the Spurs with a turnaround jumper propelling them to the NBA Finals, the Red Sox coming back from 3-0 down to win the ALCS and then the World Series. Tom Brady getting an improbable reversal of fortune on an obscure NFL rule.

Moments like this happen in sports and it’s not explainable in any other way but “uh oh.”

I sat there in the Nebraska Memorial Stadium stands last week. We had pretty much dominated all day, but Nebraska had used two trick plays to take the lead late in the ballgame, 20-19.

But we had a storybook team, right? One that came back multiple times last year, one that you knew was about to go win the national championship when we stopped USC on 4th and 2.

1st and 10. Running play. Not much. 2nd down. Colt McCoy goes back to pass, gets hit, fumbles. Adam Ulatoski jumps on the ball. 3rd down. McCoy bootlegs right, somehow avoids a sack, finds Jermichael Finley on the sideline, 1st down in Nebraska territory!!!

But Finley dropped it.

We looked at the red numbers on the Nebraska scoreboard, knowing that with the new clock rules and with Texas only holding two timeouts, it was all over if the Huskers got a first down, and even then was extremely unlikely to drive the length of the field in these conditions. The snow was falling like Christmas Eve in upstate New York, Nebraska fans were in a frenzy like I had never seen before, our offense was inconsistent at best all day. I sat down on the rented seat cushion and pulled my ski hat over my eyes and just wished at that moment that my legs would quit shivering, not knowing if it was due to the cold or the nerves.

I thought about the long, 13 hour drive back to Texas, knowing our season was over and a Big XII title game appearance not a given. I thought about how lucky we were last season to see what we did, and pulled up my ski hat and only got a reminder that it wasn’t last year as Vince Young stood on the sidelines not in stormtrooper white but with a black leather jacket and a Sean John hat on.

As play resumed after a TV timeout, Nebraska ran two running plays and got the ball to a 3rd and 3 in their own territory, with the play of the game about to happen. Stop them here and Texas still had a chance, how little it was, let them get the first down and the long drive back to Austin got longer.

Nebraska lined up, shifted like they always did into a multiple receiver set. Terrance Nunn in the right slot. Zac Taylor hiked the ball and went back in the pocket.

“Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap, they’re throwing,” went through my head.

Complete. First down. Game over.

Then it happened. Aaron Ross put his helmet on the ball. Nunn, who on subsequent viewings of the game I determined was hit much harder than that multiple times, fumbled.

Ball on the ground.

Marcus Griffin on top of it.

“Uh oh.”

2:17 left. Texas drove the field and in a Hollywood ending, a little known walk-on kicker named Ryan Bailey (“Who the f is Bailey?” was uttered many, many times in the stands) put the ball through the uprights and after a couple of heart-stopping hail marys, Texas got on the bus with a 22-20 win.

A lot has to happen. Some teams still need to lose one game, much less the two that we might need them to lose. Other teams don’t have much of a schedule left but still stand in our way. Who even knows if our computer rankings will improve enough to help us at all.

But I do know this. In 2004, nobody wanted to listen when I said that Texas was going to the granddaddy of them all, the Rose Bowl. Last year I was rooting for USC the entire season, much to the chagrin of many, because I knew that a Texas/USC Rose Bowl would be one for the ages.

This year?

It’s a little early for predictions. You’ll get that possibly next week when I do HornMafia’s Bowl Game Predictions. But there have been no big upsets in recent weeks. But you know they always happen. It’s statistically impossible for it not to happen. So they’re coming. Maybe in bunches.

Perhaps Michigan falls. Or Florida. Or USC. West Virginia.

When they do, enjoy it. This is what it’s all about. Just think back to that dark Nebraska afternoon, take a swig off your beer and think:

“Uh oh.”

This Week's Game in a Nutshell

I've worried about this game since April. Tech has talented WR's, and Texas has a defensive backfield that, to be honest, has a few holes. Nebraska found a way to put up several big plays -- game changing plays, of you will. So with Tech hosting the Horns in Lubbock, I have to assume that they'll manage to do the same, at least once or twice. They simply have too much talent on offense (outside of the QB position, anyway), and they no longer throw 1 scrubs on defense. Texas Tech is not going to a New Year's Day bowl this season. This is the their major bowl. This is the game they'd want to win most no mater what. They will come out fired up. Will it be enough?

Well remember that Colt McCoy and the Texas Longhorns just became the first team in who knows how long to win their their school's third consecutive game in Lincoln, NE. Texas battled the cold, the snow, a good team, and a great crowd, and found a way to pull it off. Texas Tech wants to win this game. Nebraska wanted to win just as badly, and they have a vastly superior team to the Red Raiders. As I said last week, Texas wins unless it beats itself.

The Greg Brown Memorial Pregame Premonition

Someone from the Texas defense slips in front of a Graham Harrell pass, and returns it to the house. My money is on Michael Griffin, who has to bounce back from an awful outing last weekend.

Personal Anecdote Involving This Week's Opponent

Worst road game I ever experienced came in Lubbock in 2002. Texas gave away the game (the only Horns loss to Tech since 1998), and the aftermath was surreal -- bizarre, even -- in its tension. Tech fans were ecstatic, drunk, and looking to start whatever they could. My buddy Wheeler literally had to break a beer bottle to back off a group of frat boys from assailing four girls that were with our group. I threw a pocketful of change at a suburan, at least the 20th car to honk at us and give either the fnger or the "Horns Down" as they drove by, and then walked into the street to call them out. They kept driving. I felt like a man. In retrospect it was all pretty stupid.

Semi-Relevant Quote from the Big Lebowski

"I don't like your jerk-off name. I don't like your jerk-off face. I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off. Do I make myself clear?"

Yep. That pretty much sums up what I think about Lubbock, TX, and Texas Tech University, in general. But then again they aren't the Aggies or Sooners, so they do have that going for them.

Deluded/Rational Thoughts from an Opposing Message Board

Red Raider fan "jaydavis" would like to "Bitchslap" Mathew McConaghy.

Does this "Super ut fan" but the heck out of you as much as he bugs me? Would love to see somebody just punch his lights out..............

I get so tired of seeing him on the sidelines during a ut game.

You know, I realize that not even all Texas fans like Matt M hanging out on the sidelines and acting as the de faco celebrity voice of Texas athletics, but I don't care. I like him. I think he's funny. And I think it's lame that a Texas Tech fan would complain, because the next even pseudo-celebrity from outside of West Teas to publically acknowledge Red Raider athletics will be the first.

And by the way, y'alls bar district sucks ass. But I am happy to see Tech continued their string of making A&M their bitch.

Random Texas-Nebraska highlight that has little to do with this game, but was sweet nonetheless

"Dammmmmmnnnnnn... you go knocked the F--- OUT!!!"

Prediction: Texas 38, Texas Tech 17

Hook'Em!